My t and self disclosure

hi, i wanted to know if any of you wonderful people can give me your oppinions on this question, why (in general) do therapists dont disclose much.

i been in therapy for a year and my t is wonderful but she self discloses very little, she told me she has kids only because 5 months ago she missed 2 appt with me and she called my cell and apologized she told me her kids get sick sometimes, ok thats fine, l also know she does not like summer bugs or that she does not like the new fb timeline none of which is a boundary crossing

on the other hand when i used to go to group therapy in the same building as my t, she disclosed alot.
i just wanted to know because its not that i want her to tell me her personal business but sometimes a little self disclosure wont hurt.

i know nothing about my T exsept ware she lives and that is it. not so sure i want to know more. one time i ended out living with one of my counclers.i also had one that disclosed a lot about her and i didn't think it was helpfull at all in fact i think it hurt them and me in the long run

I think it might have to do with the type of therapy. I'm in behavior therapy and my T often uses examples from her own life that relate to my experiences/problems, from which I've learned many details about her. She also said that if I were for example seeing a psychoanalyst, the type of questions asked would be different and the T would probably not disclose as much or try to be as "equal" to the patient.

If it's not that, maybe it's just each T's individuality.

Ditto screenager.. I really think it has to do with the mixture of what kind of thearpy work you and your T are doing and your T's personal boundaries.

My T doesn't share a lot, but has shared bits and peices of stuff when he feels it revalent to what we are talking about.

This is a part that drives me a little crazy. My T isn't completly closed off, I think she realizes that to get anywhere with me, I need to know she's a person. I'm not only not used to talking about myself but I'm very good at avoiding myself as a topic of conversation. So when I get to T my natural instinct is to turn the conversation off me -and onto the only other person in the room. It leads to some tricky business when I don't want to talk about me and she won't talk about her. I guess I understand why there's limited disclosure on her end -even if I wish she wasn't as stubborn as I am sometimes

i am doing cbt and emotional rational behavior therapy but mostly cbt

Oh and maybe also, group t disclosed more because I find when leading a group, you need more examples which I guess eventually means using yourself as an example. And maybe it has to do with less strict boundaries because the group T relationship isn't as intimate as an individual T relationship?

I like my T, and I know she likes me, she has said that before. I bet we would be good friends, if our lives had brought us together in that way. But, she almost never talks about herself to me. She might with other clients, I don't think she has strong boundaries that way (it's never come up).

For me, the bottom line is that I spend all week thinking about other people- asking their problems and empathizing and giving and caring. I have 1 hour a week to think about myself and my own issues (which are pretty huge). I spend 90 seconds at the start of that hour on idle chitchat (how are you? Good, How are you?) and 90 seconds at the end confirming next week's appointment. Other than that, it's about me. We don't joke around or hug or give eachother presents. I'm not judging- those things are fine for other people, but not for me. We roll up our sleeves and get my **** taken care of. Sounds selfish, huh? Well, I've become OK with that.

Like I said, I kind of wish T and I had met differently and could just be friends, but then I'd need to find another T and I bet I'd like her too. I'll just stick with this one the way she is.

i think i would be a lot less obsessed with my t if she self disclosed more. i always find myself wondering what she does in her spare time, what her hobbies are, what her weekends look like, what shows she watches, etc. the funny thing is though, it's not that she DOESN'T self disclose. i guess it just has never come up? for all i know she may be willing to tell me every last detail of her personal life. i have just never asked.

to those of you who have t's that self disclose, how did you know that? did you flat out ask them questions about their personal lives and they answered? and to those of you who have t's that don't self disclose, is it because you asked and got rejected? i don't know whether my t self discloses or not, is that weird??? i want her to though, more than anything.

I guess one of the reason is to make sure not to interfere with the clients therapy. First, clients pay for time which has to be on themselves, not on therapist's life. Second, for some people, if t would tell them for example that they believe this religion (you could put anything here... politics, decision of having children or not, eating habit, etc.) is so cool or that's the way they live, it could refrain the clients to speak freely about the subject... it's something like a social desirability.

So that maybe some reasons why they usually don't self disclose much. But that said, every relationship is different and some t disclose more than others and that's fine too. As for me, I don't know much about my t (except that.. he is a psychologist )

take care
faith

My T will tell me certain things about himself when he feels it is relevent to what we were talking about. I have never asked him personal questions and just accept what he tells me . I like hearing about the things he tells me because they make him seem more real. He doesn't come off as a closed book. It just feels very natural.

My T has a tendency to self-disclose. She actually told me that when she first became a T, she disclosed too much to a particular client and it bit her in the butt. I think because I work in the mental health field also, she knows I understand "the rules" and relaxes them somewhat with me. She's pretty open with me. She's never refused to answer a question about herself and offers quite a bit of info on her own.

It does not sound selfish to me at all.

The one I see sometimes tells me things about herself, but I usually wonder why. I don't really care and it does not help with why I keep making appointments as far as I can tell.

I think it's an ends-versus-means, why-versus-how thing.

The WHY of therapy is to help me.
The HOW of therapy is that I have a relationship with T.

Whenever I ask about T, she says it wouldn't help me.
And I reply that it would help our relationship, and that would help me.

Impasse.