[Wren_]

This is something I struggle with a lot the whole idea of self care, self nuture etc. etc. etc.

I wondered what the idea of self care meant to others; how you practice it; how you overcome any tendency to sabotage it; if you discuss it with your T; etc. etc. etc.

I sometimes put something into practice and think this time I'll work on something that would be in some way a self care issue; and very quickly manage to sabotage it. My T always wants to know the thinking behind it; but it seems so automatic that I often can't identify the thoughts going on they are too deep, and part of who I am.

I know one part is that old idea of it being wrong to take care of me; wrong to comfort and yet its so embedded, that even knowing the thinking that it isn't wrong doesn't change anything at all when it comes to doing things differently.

Help?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

This is something I struggle with a lot the whole idea of self care, self nuture etc. etc. etc.

I wondered what the idea of self care meant to others; how you practice it; how you overcome any tendency to sabotage it; if you discuss it with your T; etc. etc. etc.

I sometimes put something into practice and think this time I'll work on something that would be in some way a self care issue; and very quickly manage to sabotage it. My T always wants to know the thinking behind it; but it seems so automatic that I often can't identify the thoughts going on they are too deep, and part of who I am.

I know one part is that old idea of it being wrong to take care of me; wrong to comfort and yet its so embedded, that even knowing the thinking that it isn't wrong doesn't change anything at all when it comes to doing things differently.

Help?

Good question, tiger. I have a tendency to think I don't deserve good things, but working in the mental health field myself, I have to try to take care of myself.

What do I do? Make sure I have enough alone time. Spend time with H and friends. Spend time on hobbies I enjoy. Spend time doing other things I enjoy.

Things I need to work on? Eating healthier. Exercising.

Hope this is some help!

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I know one part is that old idea of it being wrong to take care of me; wrong to comfort and yet its so embedded, that even knowing the thinking that it isn't wrong doesn't change anything at all when it comes to doing things differently.

Help?

I think for me, the main main main thing I do that is "taking care of me" is accepting myself right where I'm at.

I've tried over the years to really push myself to "take care of myself" and it just doesn't work. I burn out, I get discouraged, I feel like I don't deserve it.

I guess in some ways, it's like taking care of my kids. I'm not like "hey! get some exercise! eat right! Meditate! find some down time! hurry up! do it!" (like I am with me). I spend time with them, ask them what they need, encourage them to rest when they need to rest and play when they need to play. I don't judge them for being wherever they are at any given moment. I know that they will struggle and be upset, (I'm literally sitting here watching my teenager deal with some stuff as I type), and it's painful to see, but I don't think it makes them bad, or like they're doing something wrong (like I might with myself).

So. I think it's really just about being gentle with myself, and asking myself what I need. It's hard for me to get to that point, but when I can, it feels right.

It was tough for me to learn to take care of myself.
Now i do things like:

Read every day
Pray
Get massages
Lotions for my skin
Put a bit of makeup on most days
Get enoufh sleep
Take naps
Listen to uplifting music like worship songs

It was tough for me to learn to take care of myself.
Now i do things like:

Read every day
Pray
Get massages
Lotions for my skin
Put a bit of makeup on most days
Get enoufh sleep
Take naps
Listen to uplifting music like worship songs

[pbutton]

I do things that I love.

Examples:

color
read
work out at the gym
shopping
watch movies and TV that I love
go on dates w/H
play w/my cats
garage sales
thrift stores
antique stores
take naps
listen to music

[healed84]

I do tend to sobotage myself in this arena of life. When I am doing good: anxiety is under control, not dealing with depression.. I make sure I do stuff to take care of myself. However, when I am the most depression and filled with the most anxiety- I am driven into the home and not want to do anything, but curl up in a blanket. That is why T encouraged when I was leaving my last appointment not to straight to my friend's house and pick up my kids, told me to excersize, walk around the mall, do something.

So, when I am taking care of myself- I read a book, go get my hair done, purposley take a trip into town by myself, even if it just to run errands, time in the car by myself and music is so relaxing, play my cello, call my bff and chat for a while, go to concerts that I enjoy. Excersize is a big one.. if I can really find the motivation to do it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I wondered what the idea of self care meant to others; how you practice it; how you overcome any tendency to sabotage it; if you discuss it with your T; etc. etc. etc.

I used to think this was something fancy, but actually it's very simple.

It means remembering to take your pills, not skipping meals, going to bed at a reasonable time, covering up when you get cold, buying youself the occasional luxury, seeking company.

Doing for yourself what a good parent would do for you if you were four years old.

[growlycat]

My T says we have to be a good parent to ourselves ("but I want YOU to do it!")

the obvious but important stuff:
get enough sleep not too much
eat healthy
exercise
take meds
go to dr regularly
socialize
gainful employment if you can
plan for your future
be mindful of what's going on inside

[confuseduk]

I struggle with this also, I'm good at taking care of other people as I think they're more important and I always put them first. When I think of self care, I'm always at the bottom of the pile. But I guess self-care would mean valuing yourself and meeting your basic needs.

Originally Posted by treehouse

I'm not like "hey! get some exercise! eat right! Meditate! find some down time! hurry up! do it!" (like I am with me).

Tree, I love this. It makes me see how I sometimes use 'taking care' of myself as another stick to beat myself with.

And I love Can'tExplain's idea that it's very simple. I think I also sometimes use 'taking care of myself' as an excuse to indulge in things that aren't good for me and will make me feel worse later- a kind of concept that it means constantly indulging or treating myself. When instead the real 'treat' to myself would be to eat my evening meal before 10pm, and to sleep before midnight...

Well, I don't practice good self care. I am much, much harder on myself than others and while I try to do all the right things.... exercise, eat right, read books, relax.... I just am NOT very good at it.

I have always thought of therapy, as the BEST way, I take care of me. But, I am having an I- hate -therapy week so it feels less this way, today.

[jaxter23]

I think this is a fantastic topic! I feel like a lot of people struggle with this concept. I like so many others always take care of others before myself and don't feel like I deserve the good things that make me happy. My T and I have been discussing this for awhile.

I think self-care is doing whatever it is that makes you happy as well as taking care of yourself like exercising, eating right, and taking your pills. For me self-care is going and volunteering, playing with my pets, blasting music and dancing around like an idiot, hanging with friends esp when I am down, and I agree that a big part of self-care is going to therapy for me right now. It pushes me to focus on what's good for me and treating myself right!

[roads]

I think it also involves doing things like hygiene, keeping our environment fairly straight, clean, etc, visitor-friendly. So many of us need that nurturing nest to go home to, so we need to do whatever it takes to take care of that sweet, welcoming nest maybe with critters.

well...
i try to keep my place looking somewhat decent (key word "try")..
i go to the gym.. found a cool program that tracks your mileage & i use that to motivate
spend hours outside at the park almost each day with the dogs & friends

i take my meds most times as directed
go to therapy, dr's etc
warm toasty baths at night (when i can get the 1 dog out of the tub..long story)

i eat ice cream sandwiches because i like them
i eat lima beans because i like them.
i look at my tattoo i got over christmas & smile because it shows how far i have come

& then
i eat another ice cream sammy

[sittingatwatersedge]

That link that WePow posted has a blog about this, and it struck several chords with me. Is it OK to snip just a bit? This T asks clients whether they...

…have a regular routine to pay attention to your body’s need for gross motor activity?
…are able to keep your home clean?
…have some quiet time for contemplation built into your week?
…get to bed early enough and sleep through eight hours?
…know how to choose and cook food that you enjoy and that meets your personal digestive and nutritional needs?
…have a clear sense of your income and expenses?
…see your medical/alternative care providers regularly?
…spend sufficient time in daylight?
…overuse, abuse, or addictively depend on toxic substances – even the “regular” ones?
…participate in meaningful recreational, social, educational, or community building activities?

she says >> we all know what we “should” be doing to “take care” of ourselves – but that doesn’t mean that you have the time, the structure, the wherewithal, the money, the discipline, or the motivation to do it.

and then wham, she hit me with this...
Any animal who is deprived of sleep, and/or fed inadequate nutrition, sitting in its own waste, ingesting poisons, prohibited from gross motor discharge, cut off from meaningful interaction with others of its species, experiencing unrelenting stress with no respite – all of its natural drives thwarted – is going to feel like ****. We would expect it to suffer. We anonymously call animal control on the neighbors, or feel impelled to donate money to animal rescue associations after seeing animals in such states of neglect and abuse.

powerful! thanks for this thread

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I think for me, the main main main thing I do that is "taking care of me" is accepting myself right where I'm at.

I've tried over the years to really push myself to "take care of myself" and it just doesn't work. I burn out, I get discouraged, I feel like I don't deserve it.

I guess in some ways, it's like taking care of my kids. I'm not like "hey! get some exercise! eat right! Meditate! find some down time! hurry up! do it!" (like I am with me). I spend time with them, ask them what they need, encourage them to rest when they need to rest and play when they need to play. I don't judge them for being wherever they are at any given moment. I know that they will struggle and be upset, (I'm literally sitting here watching my teenager deal with some stuff as I type), and it's painful to see, but I don't think it makes them bad, or like they're doing something wrong (like I might with myself).

So. I think it's really just about being gentle with myself, and asking myself what I need. It's hard for me to get to that point, but when I can, it feels right.

so cool that you are suggesting the same thing as in your quote...be gentle with yourself....

for me, that's a hard one....

Originally Posted by mcl6136

so cool that you are suggesting the same thing as in your quote...be gentle with yourself....

for me, that's a hard one....

LOL- I didn't even realize that until you pointed it out.

Maybe my signature is sinking into my very thick head !

[roads]

Originally Posted by stumpy

well...
i try to keep my place looking somewhat decent (key word "try")..

i eat ice cream sandwiches because i like them
....
& then
i eat another ice cream sammy

try is the biggie, but it's always in my mind as I make myself put those jeans in the wash or the drawer & clean up the kitchen because I know people like us end up at our bottoms & homes they say we can't stay in & I don't want that. I want me & my critters to die here I guess. So I try to keep it more or less livable, d@mn it!

And then I have an ice cream sammy too! Or two sammies. (((stumpy)))

[jazzy123456]

Treehouse I love your quote I've re-read it many times...

When it comes to self care I think I struggle with letting myself be okay
with where I'm at... kind of like, since I am an Early Childhood Major we are
always talking about the developmental stages of children, and just like children,
we are all developing throughout life in different stages

like we don't expect a baby who can't walk to run
or a baby who can't crawl to walk,

developmentally, this baby cannot even do these things yet...

Yes, as adults, we are more mature beings but,
we all still go through different stages of life...

and sometimes going through one stage ( even a bad one) helps
us get to the next one more smoothly...

so yes, taking care of myself.. when I think of working on that quality in myself
it would be to be more accepting of myself and where I'm at.

I also think that sometimes self care doesn't have to be planned so detailed..
sometimes just jumping up on instinct and doing something that truly makes you
happy inside is really good for us....

cliched or not.. I guess I'm saying we should be silly sometimes, laugh, --let the kid in all of us come out... just play.. it's so funny, as children we expected to get some of our needs met ( unless a parent just didn't treat us properly) Somehow, when we become adults all of this get's stifled. Now, we have to really, really think about what to do to take care of ourselves or have fun. In reality though, when you we're a kid you didn't think about not doing what made you happy...you didn't go through the reasons why other people deserve more then you did or didn't... you just did it.! .. you just did those inate things/gifts inside of you that made you happy... However, I know for many of us we didn't have the opportunity to be this kind of kid, if that was you--go outside, go to a mall, just go somewhere, and take a peek at a healthy child...that freedom to just do what makes you happy without thinking too hard...

to me, is self care.

just my two cents... lol. i know it could be a stretch.

Truly, I just feel when you accept yourself-- self care is more complete-- you can't even complete this process without first doing what you need to do to be okay with where your at, where your going, all your beauty, all your scars, all of it, all of the things that make you human. I just don't think we can one day just jump up and start taking care of ourselves without first accepting where we are at on our healing journey and being okay with it.

And of course, it's taking care of those basic needs... if we haven't started that yet, I too think, doing the extra fun stuff will be harder.

Going to therapy is my mine way of taking care of myself. After that the rest falls into place.