Things you wish your T would NOT do:

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 03:58 PM

My last session had my T paying attention to his phone rather than me. Everytime it rang he turned around to see the number of who was calling!! He received 3 calls and actually answered the third one! The way he was talking, I assumed it was his better half. Imagine my surprise when I saw him in the lobby meeting his next client. He was full of smiles and joking. Not something I have witnessed. But I digress! Sorry about that!

To add to my distress over the issue, he shared with me who he DREADED hearing from!

I will address the phone issue with him but what I don't understand is how he has gotten away with it for so long? ie No one else found it disruptive, rude and difficult to return to the topic at hand? Good thing it wasn't anything too serious being discussed at the time. I fear that it won't always be the case. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Feb 18, 2012, 04:10 PM

Totally unprofessional, IMO. My T has never done this, but one of the doctors who used to be in the practice I go to once answered his phone in the middle of my appointment. I wasn't really in a place/mood to say anything, but if it happened again now - now that I'm all assertive an' that!

- I would point out how inappropriate I find it to be.

nannypat · Feb 18, 2012, 04:16 PM

I find I totally lose my train of thought when his phone (or Fax) rings. He never answers it though.Only once in 2 yrs has he looked to see who it was, but still never answered it. I would be very upset if he told me who he didn't want to hear from because I would be afraid he would tell some other client that he didn't want to hear from me.

I am sorry this happens to you. You pay for that time. It should be all about you.

SoupDragon · Feb 18, 2012, 04:21 PM

My T has always given me his full attention - I don't even think there is a phone in the room.

I think I would feel really put out if he did answer a phone - it sounds really unprofessional to have a phone ringing when someone may be talking about some difficult stuff in session. What on earth can be so important that it can't wait until the end of the session?

Hope-Full · Feb 18, 2012, 04:26 PM

Yup. I actually left a T because of that exact issue. It started out gradually, an occasional phone call from one of her kids that she *had* to take to make sure they were ok. Those were like 30 second conversations. I didn't mind. But then it started happening EVERY time I saw T, and she answered EVERY call (always from her kids) and the conversations ended up being longer than 30 seconds. She always apologized afterward, but it didn't change. I think my breaking point was when she answered the phone like four times in one appointment (mind you, these were 45 minute appointments, not very long in the first place) cause her kids were arguing about something.

That was one of about 5 red flags that prompted me to leave this T. I never had the courage to address it with her, and I kind of wish I did, but it's too late now.

sjkero · Feb 18, 2012, 04:31 PM

i wish my t wouldn't walk her other clients out of her office and to the front door. she doesn't even get up out of her chair when my session is over. it bothers me so much, it makes me feel like she doesn't like me. this is nothing compared to the phone situation, cause that's just wrong, but this came to mind for me.

SallyBrown · Feb 18, 2012, 04:52 PM

That is COMPLETELY inappropriate. The phone-checking, the phone ANSWERING, telling you whoever it was he didn't want to hear from. It's disruptive, disrespectful, and shows a lack of personal restraint, in my opinion.

The only time my T ever had his phone (which is usually silenced during sessions) on vibrate and hinted he might answer it was when his wife was pregnant and close to her due date. All he said was, "If my phone buzzes twice, I need to leave. After that, I will need two weeks or so before I can see you again." And that was that.

Actually, for a short period of time there was some construction going on on the floor above his office. It was kind of annoying, but one day it was really stressful because I was trying to talk about something difficult, and they were banging away at something like crazy up there. My T excused himself and went upstairs to tell them to please just stop what they were doing for just 10 minutes. They actually did, and it was a gesture that made me feel really cared for.

Definitely bring this up with your T. It's totally wrong and it's the opposite of the way he should be conducting himself.

unaluna · Feb 18, 2012, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Velvet Cactus

My last session had my T paying attention to his phone rather than me.

I thought you said you were ready to terminate and just meet him at the bar. This is who the MAN is - he's different from the THERAPIST while he's doing his job. We can't have our beefcake and eat it too!

dazeofdolphins · Feb 18, 2012, 05:12 PM

My heart goes out to everyone who has had a bad T experience. My advice is to always confront them about the behavior, no matter how difficult the subject matter. They need to learn from their mistakes so it doesn't happen again with someone else. I would say most therapists "get" the rules but some have not been properly trained - this is because not all therapists have gone into therapy themselves and done their own work - a priority in my opinion. We learn by doing. It is always okay to set your own rules in your therapy by, say, telling your therapist that it is not okay for them to answer the phone during session. If they understand, then great but if they have a problem with it then it is not the right T for you anyway. Remember: you are the one paying so you have a right to certain conditions. And, expressing yourself this way may help you with issues that occur outside of therapy. Try it and see what happens...
dazeofdolphins

confused and dazed · Feb 18, 2012, 05:30 PM

I had a T that when I first entered the office was drinking a soda, and continued drinking it and having a snack during our session. In between eating and drinking, he took a phone call from his "boss". It was the first and last time I saw him. ( btw... he kept talking about how he was so good at what he does LOL)

My T now does not have a phone in his office and never has eaten or drank anything while I was there. (I've heard T's stomach growl many times tho!)
Hugs!

bluemountains · Feb 18, 2012, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sjkero

i wish my t wouldn't walk her other clients out of her office and to the front door. she doesn't even get up out of her chair when my session is over. it bothers me so much, it makes me feel like she doesn't like me. this is nothing compared to the phone situation, cause that's just wrong, but this came to mind for me.

Maybe, sjkero, this is the only way she can get rid of the previous client. The walking to the door is a "trick" we use in our school to get parents to leave when conference time is up and someone else is waiting.
Bluemountains

bluemountains · Feb 18, 2012, 05:44 PM

My T's office phone rings occasionally, but she turns it off immediately. This only happens when I am her first client of the day.
The thing that my t does that bothers me is that she will compare things she does to things I do so that it seems like my behaviors are no big deal, and then later she will hold my confessions against me. (drinking too much, for example)
Bluemountains

Screenager · Feb 18, 2012, 06:18 PM

My T's office phone is out in the hall. It occasionally rings during my session and it usually does throw me off a bit, but T never reacts to it.

One time it rang as T led me to the door, after the actual session was already over, and she still didn't answer it. Kind of nice that her attention was with me until the end.

lostmyway21 · Feb 18, 2012, 06:23 PM

When my T says, "I dont know what else to tell you". I wish he would NOT do that.

vanessaG · Feb 18, 2012, 07:31 PM

My T anwsered his phone is sessions. I'd say it happens a couple times a month. It's almost under 30 sec. But it still annoys me that he 1. Has the phone on RING. 2. Thinks bout even anwserIng it & looks who it is. 3. Picks the damn thing up!! Ugh
He does say sorry after but still... Haven't gotten the courage to actually spit the WORDS outta my mouth about it but I'm sure he knows I'm annoyed by my facial expression and body language. Maybe I should send him an email since I'm so good at saying how I feel via email!

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused and dazed

I had a T that when I first entered the office was drinking a soda, and continued drinking it and having a snack during our session. In between eating and drinking, he took a phone call from his "boss". It was the first and last time I saw him. ( btw... he kept talking about how he was so good at what he does LOL)

My T now does not have a phone in his office and never has eaten or drank anything while I was there. (I've heard T's stomach growl many times tho!)
Hugs!

He's good at snacking 101! OMG!!! He does that too!

I guess his mom never taught him good manners! I see him after lunch and I gather he eats too many carbs then swills the Pepsi to keep awake. Next week he will learn about apples doing the same trick! Or better yet I will bring my own straw and ask him if he could chill the bottle!

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

When my T says, "I dont know what else to tell you". I wish he would NOT do that.

Ooh! That must be so frustrating!

If only he had added that he would give it some more thought. Don't you just want to say "Could you please find me someone that can?"

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused and dazed

I've heard T's stomach growl many times tho!)
Hugs!

What a hoot!

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

I thought you said you were ready to terminate and just meet him at the bar. This is who the MAN is - he's different from the THERAPIST while he's doing his job. We can't have our beefcake and eat it too!

Not so sure about the bar either-I picture him sipping a cocktail and chatting on his cell!

Feb 18, 2012, 08:46 PM

I wish my therapist wouldn't look at me 99% of the time. Then again, if she were looking away I would be thinking she wasn't paying attention to me!

Velvet Cactus · Feb 18, 2012, 08:57 PM

Thank you all for weighing in! I can't believe so many of you have experienced the telephone taking rank over you.

My sympathies. I have no issue with confronting the matter head on. I toying with the idea of giving him a choice either to turn it off completely or find another room for our session. I prefer the latter - his office is not set up in a manner that is conducive to intimacy. I brought that up last session and he seemed oblivious at first but then agreed. BTW I just wanted to tell everyone that it was not a client he dreaded speaking to but his mom. You know that whole regression thing... I figure at this rate in about a month's time I'll be in a position to write his biography. ..But apparently I have to redecorate his office first.

Physician heal thyself!!!!

Chopin99 · Feb 18, 2012, 09:04 PM

My T is really good about her phone. It has only "dinged" once during session for a text and she was really embarrassed about it.

Last session while I was talking I watched her stifle a yawn. She thought she was slick, but it actually looked like her head was going to explode. I wanted to say:

DAMMIT, JUST YAWN ALREADY!!!

It seriously wouldn't have offended me. I'd rather have her yawn at me than look like she's going to spontaneously combust!