Do you ever not believe compliments from T?

In general, flattery will get you everywhere with me. So I always initially believe the compliments that my T gives me, but I have to wonder how genuine they are.

I mean, I don't believe that she is saying things that are outright false but I would imagine that T's probably give compliments a lot. I am wondering how often she says these things to everyone else.

It reminds me of when I was a server - I would get customers to like me by giving compliments right off the bat. I wasn't lying, but I wouldn't really call them genuine compliments.

This is a new T. I wonder if she tells all her clients that they are smart, creative, etc...

Has anyone wondered this? What do you think about it?

I can see your point. I do think that my T wouldn't tell me anything that he didn't actually believe. He'll tell me I am smart and funny, but he won't say I'm a great people person and I do a fantastic job of sharing myself.

I figure his compliments are probably planned & for my own good. But that's not a bad thing either. It's one of the ways he tries to help me.

i think about this all the time, actually. i think my t means well, but like you said, of course they compliment everyone... it comes with the territory... so it's hard to think that everything said is sincere. along the same lines, when my t says something encouraging like 'i know you can do this' or 'you are going to do such a good job at xyz' or 'i have confidence in you'... they have to say that stuff, you know? i mean, has there ever been a t who said something like 'well, you probably won't succeed at this, i need to be honest'

I both wish and don't wish that my T's would be forthcoming about my flaws. I mean, I'd like to know what they are...however I am fairly certain that I would get defensive and upset when told.

I had a (not very good) T awhile ago. If I told a funny story and then laughed she would laugh with me but always laugh just a second too late. I could tell that her laughter was at least partially fake. I feel like fake laughter is so much worse than no laughter.

I suppose I wouldn't feel comfortable opening up to my T unless I felt like she liked me. Or maybe I would withhold things that I would know that she wouldn't approve of.

I like to have the emotional support. Part of me wishes for a completely analytical T - one that would systematically and scientifically approach my negative behavior patterns with me, analyze the causes, and help me fix them. Like if she and I were discussing another person - perhaps I'd get her expertise, she'd be forthcoming with her thoughts, and there wouldn't be so much cocoon fluff.

My T has told me he believes in me, that I have a great heart and I am very intuitive. I believe he was very sincere in all of those statements. He would never just say smart, funny, ect...

I always disbelieve every compliment, or at least find it a little suspicious. Even when I know things are true. For instance, no matter what else I think about myself, I know that I am intelligent. I score well on IQ tests, I got good grades in school, etc. But, when someone else comments on how intelligent I am, my brain immediately starts running through every stupid mistake or comment I have ever made. And the down side of being so intelligent is that I REMEMBER EVERY stupid thing I do. In exquisite, precise detail.

My T tries really hard to be realistic about things with me. He has in fact given me homework, strategies to work on in my life, and then said, "you're not going to be successful at this; not for a long time. Just work on it." Me not being successful at something: THAT I believe. LOL.

It's hard, but sometimes I tell myself well maybe it COULD be true or at least partly true and that gives me a little hope that I'm not as awful and terrible as I think I am.

I have a standard policy of flatly rejecting any compliments that come my way. The certainty is nice, but in general it's not a fun way to live.

I hate compliments and T knows this. For instance he will say "your hair looks nice" and I will roll my eyes and he will quickly say "sorry, I know you don't like compliments. I consider it to be a "buttering people up" thing. I hate flattery.

My T has no qualms about telling me about my short-comings, so I tend to believe his compliments too. He's just one of those no-nonsense, call 'em like I see 'em kind of guys.

I completely relate to those of you who said you hate and reject complements. I used to do that myself. Somewhere along the line though, I gained enough self respect to accept the kind thoughts of others graciously. Now I even kind of like them.

My T doesn't usually give frivolous compliments regarding looks; I think she told me she liked my hair once.

She has been complimentary about my intelligence and open-mindedness. She is complimentary if I describe a situation I've handled well or something like that. I believe her. I don't think she'd tell me I'm doing something right if I wasn't.

I get so tickled when T gives me a compliment or, more often, says something positive about me or qualities and skills I have.
What I do feel is guilty sometimes, and my mind replays the last few minutes to see if I caused T to say these things. Like, why is she saying these things, and why at this time.

But sometimes it feels so good I get a big dopey smile on my face that completely spontaneous and I couldn't suppress it if I tried.

I dont doubt it because my T has this sincerity that you can just hear in her voice....
I love my T....
but I do doubt it...its not because of her...its just about me...I feel very insecure...I feel like Im just unworthy of being loved or being cared for...so I push her away alot....

but I can tell she means the nice things she says to me...when Ive been at really horrible low points...like at points where I really question going on....I hear her voice and Im able to make it through.

compliments from T get a suspicious look. Compliments IRL make me leave the room very quietly. Experience has long taught that there are paybacks; people who compliment you inevitably feel, later on, that they're also entitled to criticize. Accept one, expected to perform to the other.

My T is very sincere in her compliments. But I indulge in so much self-judgment that it's hard for me to internalize and fully believe that what she says about me could be true. I'm trying but my inner critic shouts her down.

I don't think my T would say something to me that wasn't true or genuine, but I often shy away from any kind of compliment..weather I'm being told that I look good or that I'm creative or anything in general. I grew up surrounded by lies and manipulation, so this isn't off the wall that I do that.

I have never believed the therapist when she has tried. How would she know one way or the other if I was or was not something outside of the office. Plus it is not like she would say "you really suck" - although once she said she would if she thought I did. I don't know what the actual cost of her doing it is. I don't really want compliments from her.

It never occurred to me to not believe my T when he compliments me.

It actually means a lot to me when he does, because I know he accepts me as I am. I know this because of an incident that went something like this;

T: Let's think of some healthy things you can do this week instead of cut.
Me: Like what?
T: I don't know. Anything you like. You could go for a walk, or read a book. Take a few minutes to take care of yourself and what you need.
Me:Sometimes it's too hard to make good decisions. Sometimes the best I can do is just not make a bad decision.
T: That's okay. You just have to do the best you can.
Me: I feel like I'm wasting your time. I can't commit to doing anything good for myself this week. I'm just so tired.
T: (emphatically)You are not wasting my time. You're doing really well. You're thinking about things outside of session, you're journaling, you're trying your hardest.

Knowing that he accepts me, faults and all, means he has no reason to compliment me, unless he thinks its true.

I don't feel like I'm explaining myself well But that's the best I can do.

I do think Ts are sincere about their compliments. And I think that's a skill they develop. If you think about it, we all find things about other people that we envy, appreciate or like. I think part of T 101 is learning to voice these things.

That doesn't mean I'm entirely convinced or comfortable when I get any compliments

I don't remember any compliments! is it a sign I shut it down... oups... something else to work on... darn!

Ah-ha! that's why i'm the comedian. like somebody else said, you can spot the fake laugh. but you can't hold back a real laugh. so that's the only compliment I trust. altho I feel a little bit like South Park's Cartman saying, "Respect my authoritaaaa - and laugh at my joke!"

I generally don't believe complements from anyone.

My previous T used to compliment me on a few things and I would always downplay it. He used to give me great amounts of grief about that, so I learned to just say thank you. Now, whether I truly believe it is a whole other story.

My T does not compliment too often so when he does I know it's genuine and I treasure it. However, he is big on encouragement and it is always well thought out, appropriate and sincere - and very much appreciated.

I doubt your t tells everyone they are smart and creative. I think you're right she's not saying things that are false- part of their job is being genuine, isn't it? But it's a funny coincidence for me that you posted this thread 'cuz I came on to post a thread on this topic too. I felt/feel like my t was really piling it higher and deeper this session. Like you, I believe it at first. I even feel like it's a little insulting to the t to suggest s/he isn't genuine. I gobble up the compliments, but, OTOH, my t's efforts to increase my confidence or trust in him make me nervous. IDK, it's so complicated to understand. Think I'll start another thread so I don't hijack yours with my issues too much. But I expect if your t said you're smart and creative it's because you are.

She heaps them on sometimes, then says "I know you don't like compliments, but sorry."