Can I trust my real relationship with T?

Ouch. Fair comment.

I'm sorry if you thought I was yelling. I thought I was just stating my feelings. I don't understand a lot of what you post, hankster. I don't know what a Boston marriage means. I don't know what your mother and you has to do with me. It didn't bother me. I know you're trying to help, but I often don't get what you're saying to me. It doesn't mean I don't like you; I do! I like you too, Can'tExplain.

It also seems to me that you and Can'tExplain were having a private conversation which is fine with me, but why does it have to be in my thread? I know I have an issue with feeling left out and invisible and I was triggered.

I haven't read that book. It sounds interesting; thanks!

Oh Rainbow, I like you and I haven't even been here at PC very long.

I can relate oh so much to what you have written. I'm sorry that I can't help you much. I
just am going through what you describe - the intense feelings for my T. I worry about writing about it too much, too - or just writing too much, in general. I enjoy your posts and they help me a good bit, so please keep writing. It helps me.

I have just one friend that accepts me for who I am. I stay away from most people. I have many acquaintances, but I act. I divorced my husband, because he never could support or accept me for who I was/am. I currently am dating him again, but that's not going so well.

I can't imagine anyone in life being like a T or of getting those needs met. It is such a huge ache/void.

I think it's neat that you are able to discuss what you need with your therapist. I haven't really been able to do that. I did ask her last week about the boundaries of contact outside of sessions and she wasn't very clear about it. She said call her office directly (her number), but that in the mornings she would be busy with groups, and in the afternoons, she would be doing individual sessions. On weekends, I was to call the emergency number. I asked about email and she said she doesn't check her email. So basically, she should have told me that outside contact was a no-go. Wish she just would have said that. She didn't offer any other suggestions, so I was a bit bummed.

Sorry to get off topic.

I too like hanging around the house and reading PC - especially since I'm on medical leave now.

Hang in there rainbow and keep posting.

"Can I trust my real relationship with T" is your question. Maybe you are asking this because you know deep down inside that it is time to shift to a real relationship with T? I don't mean "in her life" real but a real T/client relationship. Maybe what you have now is based on fantasy because of what your needs have been?

Rainbow, I don't think that all transference comes crashing down. I think in many cases, it subsides, as real life takes over a greater & greater portion of the client's world. in time, of course..... may need patience.

I like you too, rainbow. I often don't reply to your threads because I have no sage advice. I too struggle with my relationship with my T, as do do many others. You're just more vocal.
And I think that by being more vocal as well as analytical, you're probably more likely to figure it out, at least sooner than some of us. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Whatever your relationship with T is, she has definitely shown she genuinely cares for you and is committed to helping you.

The fantasy can never be fulfilled, and it was painful for me to realise that. But underneath the fantasy relationship is a real relationship. Once I let go of the fantasy, I found the reality was pretty good too.

I had a fantasy that T would adopt me. In my head, I knew this was impossible, but my heart believed it. And my heart felt betrayed and destroyed when it realised the truth.

But the reality was that I loved her and she loved me, and for an hour a week I was the most important person in her life.

Rainbow, your feelings are coloured and exaggerated by transference. But there is a core that is real.

Yes, you can trust your real relationship with T.

I can, and do relate to alot of what you have written, both in this thread and others you have written. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't, I struggle with it just as much you do.

me too!! I would wish that one for everybody on PC.

WantingtoHeal: Thank you. I'm glad that my posts help you. I'm sorry about the situation with your T and contact between sessions. I hope that you can come to terms with her limits or if not, discuss it with her again. Yeah, therapy is hard. Feeling for Ts are hard. I hope it's worth it.

Sannah: Thank you. I don't know if what I want is based on fantasy now. It's based on what I feel inside of me, and I don't want to feel like that. I like the real relationship with my T, at least what I perceive the real relationship is, but at the drop of a hat I want too much from her.

SASE: Thank you. I just don't know if my RL will ever be that good. I mean it IS good but I still want my T. I think I'm always going to feel that way, unfortunately.

crazy: thank you. I don't usually want advice; for me, personally, it's just a need to be heard and not be ignored even if you don't have anything to say. It's funny what you said about figuring it out because my T doesn't want me to figure it out. She wants me to FEEL. I've probably been trying to figure it out too much lately!

Can'tExplain: thank you. That post made me feel good! I hope you're right. I'm pretty sure my T will agree with you that she and I have a real relationship. But if she gives me her "but we're not friends" line, I'll want to die. I KNOW that but I don't want to hear it again.

wheeler: thank you. I just wanted to be heard and validated. You don't need to have great advice to post to me.