things fall apart

Nightsky,

I've been thinking about you and praying all morning. I hope you were able to get to the truth... through all of the pain..

Even if you can't talk about it yet, please let us know how YOU are doing...

I have been praying for you, too. I'm sorry you are in such pain. Lots and lots of love for you here.

nightsky, thinking of you

thinking of you too (((((nightsky)))))

You are such a strong person. Whatever happens you will find your way through.

I hope your appointment went a well as it could today.

Things fall apart.. but the center that is you and T, can hold.
I hope your session went well, nightsky.

**trigger for talk of sui***

(((((PC Friends))))))

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts and kind words.

I did see T. I was REALLY honest. I'm not even sure if that was a good idea. I know T is a little freaked out, because HE was really honest too.

It was hard.

I just realized that 2 years ago today I overdosed, in a not-sure-if-I-want-to-live-or-die moment and made myself really sick. Almost exactly a year ago, T and I were in rupture land and he kept screwing up (writing the wrong name on my receipt, giving my appt away, etc) and I ended up taking a break for a month.

And now here we are again.

This has been a downward spiral since the end of December, really.

I want so badly to reconnect but I don't know if it's possible.

I'm so sad, really

i'm sorry. is this an anniversary of something else besides? now that you have this perspective, it's easier to see how not preparing for this expected difficult time of year, and being distracted by the weird stuff that did happen, would have left you unprepared and defenseless? Just trying to put words to the feelings.

Both being honest is a good sign. That's your best chance for reconnection.

Hi you guys.

Things have become REALLY heartbreaking. I mean, it's bad. I never thought I could feel this sad.

So I am taking a therapy break so I can decide what to do.

It's just bad. So, so bad.

((((nightsky)))) I don't know what to say other than to tell you how sad i feel for you. Take good care of yourself. I hope you feel you can come back here though. Sending you lots of hugs.

I am sorry things are so bad right now. I hope the break helps.

Oh, nightsky I'm so sorry you are feeling sad and disappointed.
I hope taking a break will help. You really want to connect, and I wonder if you can do that while taking a break?

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I was hoping you were going to say you worked things out with your T. I know you have to do what you think is best for you. Whatever it is, please know that I'm thinking about you and wishing you peace and happiness.

I'm hoping the wheel of "Rupture and repair" goes quickly back to "repair".....try to hold onto how good the repair times can feel. Try to get back in communication w/T as soon as you can! I know you feel like you need a break, but sometimes sticking with the intensity can help the T work through this WITH you, not both of you on your own.
Hugs of course.

I don't know if this is a rupture and repair moment.

Something has happened that's undermined all of my therapy, all of my belief that I was loved, all of the connection. The more we talk about it, the more he pulls back. I know it's hard for him too, because it can't be fixed, not really.

I think it's just OVER. But I'm going to just go in there today and be honest, and then take a break to get some perspective and to give us both space and then figure it out from there.

I never saw this coming, at ALL.

Hoping this will turn out to be a breakthrough instead. If you want to share more we are here! I know what would make ME feel like "it's over" but it is different for everyone.

It might feel like it can't be fixed because it is so big, and because you want so much for it to have not happened? But can it be something to work at, work on, get past?

I am feeling so sad for you.

Be gentle with yourself




.

Nightsky,

I hope your session was helpful.... giving a glimmer of hope ?

I can hear so much pain in your posts...

when you can, let us know what is going on....

I am sorry you feel so so sad. I am glad I found you and know I am thinking of you.

Every breakthrough starts with a break.

(I just made that up. Good, isn't it!)

* gentle hugs (((((nightsky))))) sitting near *

Roadie

Thinking of you...

not gonna lie, i definitely chortled