has therapy ever made you physically ill?

Since starting some really intense work in therapy over the last few weeks, I've been in a highly anxious state and have started having severe panic attacks again. I wasn't sure if this was coincidence but could think of no other reason/trigger. My therapy session on Wednesday was very intense, and T pushed me pretty hard (my fault, I told her to use a 'cattle prod'!) and I ended up accessing some hurt and anger that she tried to get me to work through, but I was so mad I couldn't. In theory I know what I have to do - forgive myself - but that isn't simple for me to do! Anyway, this is the first session I ever got angry, and I felt such rage I could have put my fist through a wall. T brought me around and I was smiling as I left, but I started feeling sick on the ride home, and have been struggling with panic - and therefore nausea/vomiting, faintness, dizziness etc, ever since. I've been feeling so shockingly ill and exhausted I've barely got out of bed (basically just to the bathroom and back.)

Get the violins out, eh?

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced similar problems after intense sessions - especially when accessing emotions and the 'true self', maybe old memories? - and if so what you did about it? Did you 'push through' and just deal with the physical symptoms/anxiety or did you tell your T you needed to back off for a while? And, is this at all normal, or am I just strange?

I throw up before most appointments. And I have put my fist through a wall upon leaving the therapist.

I thought of you actually, stopdog - I remember you said you broke your hand. At the time I didn't understand, now I do!!

I often leave my therapy sessions angry and frustrated. . .and I'm often angry and disconnected during my actual sessions or shortly afterwards when I'm leaving and walking to my car. In session, I can often FEEL myself moving away from my therapist . . .feeling as though an actual HUGE chasm is opening up between us and I'm moving backwards away from her. I can hear her voice, but not what she is actually saying. Sometimes, it's as if her voice is fading away and I'm feeling totally disconnected from her. When I'm in that state, I now know that I am overwhelmed with emotions, triggered by what we're talking about or triggered by something internally that I'm not even aware of while in my session. Sometimes I shake, my teeth chatter or my body goes completely cold and numb. It is still inside of me and not anything my therapist does to me. It is the trigger of "old" things. It is my body and how it reacts to emotions that reside inside of me--the tiger that lurks inside of me that is easily awakened in therapy.

Sometimes, I leave, walking to my car, muttering that what I'm trying to do (therapy) is ridiculous, that she is an idiot and totally clueless and why the heck am I wasting all this money on something that does NOTHING FOR ME! At times, this feeling lasts for days and weeks and sometimes for months on end. I quit therapy and believe . . .truly believe that I don't need therapy. My therapist lets me be. She doesnt try to convince me that I'm wrong or that I need to stay in therapy. She just lets me settle. I come around after a time and re-engage. I don't do this much anymore. I've come to realize that this feeling . .. this upheaval is truly inside of me. I work to talk about what happens for me when I next see my therapist. I work to stay engaged and open with her. It isn't easy and it isn't pretty . .. but it is slowly beginning to work. And when all is said and done, my therapist ALWAYS welcomes me back with a smile of genuine warmth and a word of acceptance and support. I hope you're able to talk about it with your therapist at the next session, JSG.

When my old therapist used to cut off my sessions right at 60 minutes even if i was in the middle of an intense flashback or crying my eyes out, I'd often leave VERY upset, and be sick to my stomach, often running to the bathroom to be sick when I left her office And a lot of times I would be very sick the next day too.... too much emotion left in my body from those badly-ended sessions and being so worked up with no closure to those sessions.

I am sorry you are going through this Just some "important" Girl. Ones emotions and physical well being go hand in hand. I was told that the emotions have to go somewhere if they are not dealt with and consequently if you put off dealing with for a long time and they finally are worked on it is very real that you would have a body reaction as well. My old t always said, "your body does not let you get away with anything. If you have an emotion your body is going to find a way to say it."

I personally find this the most challanging thing there is to therapy. I constantly break out from head to toe hives. In fact my dermatologist will tell me to go to therapy! I get iritis in my right eye and a nervous twitch in my left. My stomach is often in shambles. I get stabbing pains in my chest and back. And the very worst is that I often get this weird limp that I can not control with my left leg. It really sucks because everyone knows you are having a tough time. Having a full time job at that it is humiliating to show up to work limping and with hives. Also it was impossible to lie about feeling ok in therapy. I just want you to know you are not alone. My heart feels so much for you. I wish I could come and nurse you back to health. Even with my hives!

I've had to bolt from my T's office to throw up DURING the session. I have also had times when I am shaking for hours after therapy. So yeah. Therapy isn't for wussies, is it?

The first time I was in therapy, I left sick many times...migraines would develop during session, I'd break out in hives, be nauseous, etc.

This round of therapy, I haven't been physically ill, but somewhat "emotionally" ill. More depression, more anxiety, more panic attacks, more fatigue.

yup...lost some meals, never mind the whole ,lost in outer space stuff drank myself into oblivion a few times back in the day & just last summer they changed the rug in her office hallway & i walked in sat down & promptly turned a nifty shade of blue from the glue & fumes.

scared her more than me.

I have to down quite a few antacid tablets every time I am going to t - to prevent getting nauseous in session.

shoe glue fumes. my prev T who had giganto feet got new ferragamo driving moccasins that reeked, leaving a film on my mouth and tongue. I made him take his shoes off and wrap them in a plastic bag. I wanted him to put them out on the balcony. I googled it, it's an issue for the factory workers. I told him he should get a canary, his cat, and the shoes, lock them in a room and see who survives.

Why do you hate cats and canaries?

miners used to keep a canary in the mines with them..if the bird was ok then they knew they were...the cat? who knows can't help on that one.

I knew he had a cat, so what would kill the canary first, the shoe glue fumes or the cat? I was betting the cat would rip the shoes apart and the canary would escape in the meantime.

Lol, who knew shoe glue could be so offensive?! (((hankster)))

RECONSTRUCTED DIALOG FROM YEARS AGO:

Me: Thanks for taking me back.
T: Of course I took you back.
Me: There's no "of course" about it! It wasn't obvious to me that you were going to forgive me. My experience with my mother was quite the reverse.

true dat!!!

The office of the one I see has a nice smell.
I am never letting my pets near hankster.
My feelings of sickness come before the appointment. Rage and frustration come after. Shaking and paralysis come during.

I am sorry this was so hard - I think dealing with painful stuff is very hard.
In my session yesterday, I got triggered and like you, became angry. I did not get sick but I still feel out of sorts. My T tells me to try to come back to my body and just sit with the emotions. Sometimes I yell or hit a pillow. I am thinking about you!

I am actually quite an excellent dog, cat, and fish sitter. I bond with animals - I think they feel sorry for me; they know that they get along with humans, speak their language, are part of the pack, and I am not. Also I have food and play games and don't yell.

I was teasing you. I would let you near my pets.

Sure! now that you know I have food and play games and never yell! You might even let me near you? No? Too much? But seriously, I think the pitbull next door at my mom's DID feel sorry for me - he would bark like crazy at my mom and aunt, but me, he loved. Sorry for the hijack.

My T's room has a nice smell too - which I thought was due to a plug in air freshener, but it turns out there's more to it - involving the use of a scented candle

Me either! Stopdog you make me lol

For me the rage and frustration came during, despite my best efforts to squash them down, and they remained... and the sickness came after. Then more rage. Then more sickness. Then the shaking!

Butterflies are Free: Thanks for your thoughts I felt like hitting stuff! I don't know how I didn't.

My T's solution to these things is to 'tap' - EFT if anyone's heard of it - which only made me even more angry because the whole ritual is just too perky! She tried to get me to do it but I was in so much of a sulk it was embarrassing. I finally gave in and went through the tapping thing in the early hours of this morning when I couldn't stand these feelings anymore. Much to my chagrin/relief it seemed to work. I got a few hours sleep and I'm feeling more human now - although I'm still experiencing some dissociation and feelings of unreality... Why do I have a mental image of my T doing a smug happy dance? Ha, no.. my T has been very understanding, we're still good

Oh, and sconnie: thanks for the tip on the antacids!

Except when there are glue fumes, apparently, then all bets are off..

(& hankster, you can hijack anytime )

My T's room has no smell at all. But T sometimes has a smell. I thought I smelt apricots once.