How to talk about this stuff?

I am wondering if other people have dealt with the following issues in therapy and if so, how were you able to overcome them.

As I have mentioned in earlier posts I have very little recall of my life before the age of 9. I know about the dysfunction of my FOO because it continued beyond this age, as did the neglect, emotional abuse and sometimes physical abuse. Since I started therapy a few years ago I get these images or thoughts or memories, I don't actually know what they are. They are disturbing. I am afraid to discuss them in session if I don't know whether they are real because if they are not what does that say about me? What is wrong with me to have made up such gross images? I realize that I can't determine if they are real unless I talk about them, but what if they are not? Or what if they are? They don't feel real to me as I think about them now, but they feel real when I am actively having them. Does that make sense?

I think I'm compelled to talk about them because they won't go away but the fear of discovering that I have made this up and therefore have these twisted phantasies is paralyzing.

It only says that you have disturbing thoughts and images in your head. It doesn't say anything about you as a person at all. If they are disturbing you should talk about them.

I also don't think it really matters if they are real or not. Our minds can create a host of things in order to make sense out of things. It's not an unusual thing at all.

Makes perfect sense. Whether real or not, the image gets etched in your mind and you have a reaction to it. It certainly can seem real.

It really doesn't matter whether you've made it up or not. It's in there. You should talk about it. You should see some of the stuff my brain has popped out (geesh! Stupid brain!)

my therapist said "this happens a lot, to just about everyone, it doesn't mean you are a freak, or that it actually happened. It's just in there, it gets to be in there and it's okay."

he's a smart cookie that man.

I would talk to your T about it - there is nothing wrong with you.

The feelings are more important than what may or may not have actually happened. Memories and mental representations can change as people grow and are in many ways subjective; i.e one person's take on a situation/event is different from another's or will have a greater or lesser effect. If the feelings are disturbing they need to be talked about and worked through and the rest will resolve itself over time. Talk to t.

I have worked through issues of SA during the past six years. I too had no memories before the age of 19 (or very little - just bits and pieces here and there) Horrible images -things that happened to me as a child - gradually validated by other members of my family. Like, a room that I remembered as a child down to the wall color and bedspread - confirmed by my mom. So don't discount your images/memories - they may be trying to tell you something.

But you must open up to your T and not keep them inside where they cause hurt and confusion and shame. Trust me - s/he won't be revolted - they've heard it before. When it's out in the open, you can heal. Good luck