[Asiablue]

"that awkward moment you "breakup" with your therapist"

Yeah that was me yesterday my inner child threw a holy tantrum and decided she was never going back ever ever ever. Sent a termination text and then cried alllllll night.

Never seen that coming at all. Kinda sorted now but feel like a true freak.

Are you truly "broken up"? Or do you need some time and space to figure things out?

One of my kids sends "break up" texts/emails a lot. When things are too tough. When she hits a nerve. When things are just spinning out. Thankfully my T knows not to cancel anything and to give us time and space to manage.

Safe hugs to you and "inner child" who tantrumed if you'd like them.

[Asiablue]

This is the 1st time i've ever sent a text like that, leaving. She was like, "ok you know what's best for you, blah blah, you're always welcome to come back anytime."

Really? WTF?

ugh. They really don't give much of a crap do they?

Originally Posted by Asiablue

ugh. They really don't give much of a crap do they?

No, they care. They are just taking you at your word and respecting your decision.

Just call and reschedule. It will be fine.

They do care. Part of that caring is respecting what you want and your choices. Not feeling like they are forcing you to come back. They are giving you the power to walk away.

My T responds the same. "If thats what you want I respect your choice". It makes me fume too, at times. But, that's what it's about, giving me space to make that choice. Not chasing and begging me to stay.

[googley]

They are required to respond like that when someone says they are stopping coming. That is part of the rules of therapy. The client decides if they want to keep coming. As you said this has never happened before she has no reason to believe that you as a whole were not terminating therapy. Like Farmer Girl said, call her back and schedule a new appointment. It will be alright.

[Asiablue]

It's not that i wanted to begged to come back, i knew that wouldn't happen but it was the only way in that moment of communicating that i was struggling. I think it just brought home what i already knew, they only care for the amount of time you're with them, soon as you walk, you're out their mind. Not their problem.

It's mostly sorted, i did contact her and tell her why i did what i did and she was lovely about it and i am going back to discuss what happened. But i still feel so sad about it all.

[critterlady]

Asiablue, I hope you and T can work things out. I think there are very few successful client/therapist relationships that don't go through a rupture at some point. It seems like it's really a natural part of the process.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by critterlady

Asiablue, I hope you and T can work things out. I think there are very few successful client/therapist relationships that don't go through a rupture at some point. It seems like it's really a natural part of the process.

Thanks, i'm sure it can be. I'm just sad about how i'm feeling and ashamed. I'll get over it. It all happened so fast.

I'm beginning to suspect that these ruptures happen when we're making progress. Emotions get heightened and burst out in unexpected ways. I hope you talk with T about it and maybe you'll understand more about what happened.

In the meantime, it's normal to feel ashamed. It's a feeling I know well. Hugs to you. Therapy really can be hell, can't it?

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I'm beginning to suspect that these ruptures happen when we're making progress. Emotions get heightened and burst out in unexpected ways. I hope you talk with T about it and maybe you'll understand more about what happened.

In the meantime, it's normal to feel ashamed. It's a feeling I know well. Hugs to you. Therapy really can be hell, can't it?

yeah it is hell.

[Towanda]

[quote=TheBunnyWithin;2342327]I'm beginning to suspect that these ruptures happen when we're making progress. Emotions get heightened and burst out in unexpected ways.

I so totally agree with this. I went through a bad time with my T in January. I thought after six years I was never going back. And I think a lot of him - our relationship is really strong. After we talked things out, and relationship was back to normal, BOOM, core issue number one spilled out and we've been working on it ever since. Something I had never wanted to talk about or face before. So yeah, sometimes I think subconsciously we yell and holler and pick fights right before the important work begins.

So, good luck, hang in, it does get better

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

This is the 1st time i've ever sent a text like that, leaving. She was like, "ok you know what's best for you, blah blah, you're always welcome to come back anytime."

Really? WTF?

ugh. They really don't give much of a crap do they?

I can see why you might feel like that. But they do care. That's why you can always go back.

Your T could say, "Please don't leave me!"
Your T could say, "Go to hell!"

Right now, these might be easier to hear!

But T is playing the role of a sane and responsible adult, so she is careful not to overreact.

Least said, soonest mended!

[krisakira]

a year and a half ago I wanted to "break up" with one of my T's because it just didnt seem to help, he would talk about things in metaphors and weird analogies that I just did not get. So, I called the office and told them I was wondering if I could try having a different T there, and they said I needed to have 1 more session with my T to talk about any possibility of working things out. That was the most awkward T session I've ever had!! But instead of him asking if things could be worked out, he flat out said (something like) "If you want to see a new T then I guess it's nice knowing you. But let me tell you, I'm the only one here with a PhD, so I am most qualified. But if you want to try seeing someone else, then goodbye."

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I'm beginning to suspect that these ruptures happen when we're making progress. Emotions get heightened and burst out in unexpected ways.

Yes! It's a form of resistance, and resistance only happens when we're getting somewhere.

waitasecond, I did that to my T too once, I was drunk and suicidal and I sent him a text saying I never wanted to see him again and then you know what? He said ok, here are some referrals and that was the last time I saw him.

So I know it was bratty of me to send such a childish text and yeah the grown-up me would've thought he'd understand I didn't mean it and take me back when I apologized but he didn't. He left.

So be careful with that. They may NOT take you back. :-(

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by krisakira

But instead of him asking if things could be worked out, he flat out said (something like) "If you want to see a new T then I guess it's nice knowing you. But let me tell you, I'm the only one here with a PhD, so I am most qualified. But if you want to try seeing someone else, then goodbye."

What a dork.

[WikidPissah]

Had this happen with T last week. Told him I felt like I was getting to reliant on him. He said if it was too much I can stop and it won't hurt him, he won't take it personally. I was like WTF? I can leave that easily after everything you know??

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Had this happen with T last week. Told him I felt like I was getting to reliant on him. He said if it was too much I can stop and it won't hurt him, he won't take it personally. I was like WTF? I can leave that easily after everything you know??

Exactly!

[krisakira]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What a dork.

Also when I would see him in the office, i.e. in the waiting room, waiting for my new T to come get me, he would not even make eye contact with me, LOL I just think he was acting so immature

[WePow]

I challenge you to write out all these emotions and send them to T. There is something that touched a nerve. It is very natural to turn and run away from things that touch those nerves. A big part of therapy is growing inside and learning how to stay and face the things that touch those nerves.

Something amazing happens when we find the inner strength to push through the fear of confrontation. And I am seeing that a T really responds to a client who will do this type of work and push forward.

You are the one in charge of this therapy relationship. It is there for your healing and benifit. You can always walk away from it. But you will still be with yourself. So why not stay and write it all out? Why not just try something different for a change? Just to see what happens?

Big hugs!!!!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by krisakira

a year and a half ago I wanted to "break up" with one of my T's because it just didnt seem to help, he would talk about things in metaphors and weird analogies that I just did not get. So, I called the office and told them I was wondering if I could try having a different T there, and they said I needed to have 1 more session with my T to talk about any possibility of working things out. That was the most awkward T session I've ever had!! But instead of him asking if things could be worked out, he flat out said (something like) "If you want to see a new T then I guess it's nice knowing you. But let me tell you, I'm the only one here with a PhD, so I am most qualified. But if you want to try seeing someone else, then goodbye."

What a douche-lord. Sounds like you hurt his egos feelings.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by WePow

I challenge you to write out all these emotions and send them to T. There is something that touched a nerve. It is very natural to turn and run away from things that touch those nerves. A big part of therapy is growing inside and learning how to stay and face the things that touch those nerves.

Something amazing happens when we find the inner strength to push through the fear of confrontation. And I am seeing that a T really responds to a client who will do this type of work and push forward.

You are the one in charge of this therapy relationship. It is there for your healing and benifit. You can always walk away from it. But you will still be with yourself. So why not stay and write it all out? Why not just try something different for a change? Just to see what happens?

Big hugs!!!!

Thanks Wepow. I emailed her, told her it ALL, how i was feeling rejected and abandoned even tho i knew i was being silly. She was very comforting and understanding. We are going to deal with it when she comes back from her vacation. I still feel so sad about it, and ashamed and a whole other list of emotions. Yuck.

[WePow]

Write again and share those feelings. My T lets me write as much as needed, and I found out that it helps me process through things. Don't let shame get to you. My T says "We don't do shame"

There is a reason why you were triggered. There is a root to your pain that can be healed with therapy. And it sounds like your T is a good one to help you do that. You are doing GREAT by being brave and letting those roots come to the surface!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by WePow

Write again and share those feelings. My T lets me write as much as needed, and I found out that it helps me process through things. Don't let shame get to you. My T says "We don't do shame"

There is a reason why you were triggered. There is a root to your pain that can be healed with therapy. And it sounds like your T is a good one to help you do that. You are doing GREAT by being brave and letting those roots come to the surface!

She is awesome. But she still just said ok bye essentially( in a nice way, i'm paraphrasing) when i told her i wasn't coming back. That hurts. It makes me feel alone. I will think about writing more once i work out what this is all about.