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#1
May 04, 2012, 10:27 PM
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THIS was the last coherent thread i posted here. then i entered 'stuck' place for about three months - feeling unsafe, a rupture - she said i'd been resistant ... etc.
in the last two sessions, we finally turned a corner, i feel safer and I can feel forward movement in the work again ... and i find that it's almost like the last three months didn't happen - like i'm in the same place i was ...  i don't know how to deal with feels of attraction toward my therapist (or anyone, for that matter {celebrities don't count  }) (and the issue has nothing to do with her gender)she looked so pretty yesterday.      i am so uncomfortable with this - i don't even know how to let myself feel this. how do i do that? i have no one to talk to about this... i could use some words of support, commiseration, hugs. please? thanks so much for reading. 
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Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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 Anonymous32517, Anonymous33425, jenluv, Puffyprue, rainbow8, SpiritRunner, Victoria'smom, Wren_, yang0868
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#2
May 04, 2012, 10:36 PM
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  i'll reply more later; just wanted to leave hugs for you now and acknowledge how hard all of this is
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 rainbow_rose
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#3
May 04, 2012, 10:55 PM
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Have you looked at the "Romantic Feelings for my Therapist" subforum?
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
| rainbow_rose
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#4
May 04, 2012, 11:05 PM
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i'm really glad that things seem a bit better in therapy now; and that you are back here and posting again. I really miss you when you aren't. I wish ..... I had some kind of words of advice that would be helpful; but that whole area is one that I'm at a loss about as well. So, my hope is that someone will be able to respond more fully (and maybe enlighten both of us). I wonder ... have you been able to talk to your T more about it since the initial conversation where she was supportive? and also, what kinds of thoughts all of this brings up for you ... seems like there's a lot to your question
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| rainbow_rose
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#5
May 04, 2012, 11:13 PM
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| rainbow_rose
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#6
May 05, 2012, 02:57 AM
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Lots of safe hugs mostly because I'm not sure what the right thing to say is.... I believe any way you feel towards T is all right. It's your feelings, so who has the right to say they are wrong? I'm sorry they're uncomfortable, though. We're sitting with you.
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| rainbow_rose
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#7
May 05, 2012, 11:11 AM
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thanks, Apteryx, Miguel'smom, puffyprue, for the hugs.
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 i will talk to her about it (or at least try ) it's just had to sit/be with this unfamiliar stuff and not push it all away like i did before.  thanks for the hugs.Quote:
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__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
Last edited by rainbow_rose; May 05, 2012 at 11:28 AM. |
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#8
May 05, 2012, 04:58 PM
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Rainbow Rose, I want to try to answer your post but am having problems putting my thoughts into words that make sense. But, I will try....
Having feelings of love or attraction for our therapists are never wrong, regardless of gender. After all, look at what they do for us, and what they mean to us. I'm 58, f, my T is 40, m. In the six years I've been seeing him, I've felt feelings of friendship, agape love, sexual longing, girlish love, and just plain liking him as a person. He's helped me work through feelings of abandonment and disdain with my father, and hatred toward two uncles who SA me as a child. He's been the person I've called in a crisis when I've been suicidal or had thoughts of SI. My husband travels 20-25 days out of the month so I am alone a lot. When I see my T he makes me laugh and not feel so lonely for that hour. With all that, he's represented many people, important people, in my life. So why shouldn't I have strong feelings for him? And if you've worked through important issues with your T, issues that have impacted your heart and soul, then it's totally natural that you would also have feelings of like or love or attraction. They're nothing to be ashamed of. That's what therapy is all about - working through with the therapist, in the therapeutic relationship, the knots and kinks we encounter in our relationships and in every day real life. And any therapist worth his/her diploma expects and welcomes this. Are you comfortable enough with your T to talk to her about this? Could you put it in an email or letter? I guarantee you this is not something that will shock or surprise her. If you're not ready to address it with her yet, please just remember that it doesn't make you weird or abnormal. It's perfectly normal and an expected part of therapy when someone is as important to you as most therapists are to their clients. Hope this helped, and that it makes sense. Hugs to you!
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Linda 
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#9
May 06, 2012, 10:52 AM
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Towanda, Thank you for such a well thought out response and yes it helps and makes sense.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
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#10
May 06, 2012, 11:26 AM
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We can never make our mothers act in a way that we want, from Day 1 we're thinking, cry-and-we-get-fed, changed, soothed on demand but what we don't get is that it is because they want to, not because we make them. Sometimes though, somewhere in there we get confused about how it all works and angry or feeling bad about ourselves when it does not work the way we want it to. We get a selfish mother and think it is our fault somehow. We get an anxious, distracted, depressed, etc. mother and get angry and think to force her to pay attention. It doesn't work and we grow older and have the habit of trying to get the attention of the woman we want instead of working with ourselves to make ourselves the women we want. It's a matter of focus and direction. I would turn around and see if you can make yourself "pretty" in your own eyes so you can appreciate yourself and your T. Think of an attribute you have that you know you have and enjoy (I'm thinking of my sense of humor) and how it functions for you positively. I enjoy myself and my sense of humor, it helps me when I am in an "embarrassing" spot, I can tease myself out and I enjoy making others laugh and sharing (very very important word) my sense of humor with others. When I find something funny I instantly tell my husband as I want to see his smile and enjoyment of Me, and my sense of humor. What you find attractive in your T you find attractive because it is in you; you "recognize" it. You cannot know pretty without being pretty. Sleeping Beauty's stepmother was not the "fairest one of all" in any way, shape, or form! She didn't know what that meant.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
| rainbow_rose
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#11
May 06, 2012, 02:56 PM
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I could have written what you've posted. I've been aware of my T's looks for a long time now. Her eyes are very pretty, and I emailed her once that looking into them was as pretty as Niagara Falls! I was so, so embarrassed at writing that. It could be that I told her it too; I don't remember now though it was traumatic at the time. She said "thank you" and somehow it was all right to tell her that sometimes I was attracted to her. I agree with everything Towanda said. It's normal to have all different kinds of feelings for our Ts. They aren't bad or wrong. In our case, it doesn't mean we're gay, either. The T's roles just get all mixed up. Sometimes mine is my mother, sometimes a friend, partner, or sister. She's always my T, though, and it's safe to allow all the feelings about her to come out in the open. I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable with your feelings. Try just accepting them as par for the course. Talking about them with your T will be productive because she will reassure you that your feelings are okay with her. I do understand the weirdness you feel about it, though.
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| rainbow_rose
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#12
May 06, 2012, 04:25 PM
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I have read this a few times, not sure what to say but I want to be supportive. I struggle with attachment, so I totally understand having feelings and not wanting them.
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never mind... |
| rainbow_rose
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#13
May 06, 2012, 05:44 PM
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Rainbow_rose: I'm so sorry and sad to see you going through SO much hurt. I'm in a f'up state and won't be able to give you much input as my D*^* heart won't stop hurting. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
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| rainbow_rose
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#14
May 06, 2012, 10:37 PM
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no. one. the ironic thing is that i want that connection so very much.  
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
Last edited by rainbow_rose; May 06, 2012 at 11:14 PM. Reason: added a missing letter :) |
| rainbow8
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