Help i need your oppinions on this please

Hi i been in therapy a little over a year, i starting opening up about 7 months into therapy, just recently we are working about sensitive issues in my past which are hefty to say the least.

i started lithium ten days ago and my moods have been down irritable, so todays session she noticed i had a flat affect so we didnt discuss anything from my past

it was going well until she asked me what my thoughts were on seeing her every 2 weeks, she told me not to jump to conclusions or panic because she just wanted to know what i thought

and she strongly feels that i should still go weekly and does not have strong feelings about the 2 a week yet, i asked her why she questioned it and she said she just wanted to know.

being bpd and bp 1 im like going crazy even though i promised not to, here i am she is lying or has an alterior motive what now?

i wrote her a letter saying if termination is around the corner i rather stop doing trauma work

I'm a little confused. Was she suggesting you go every other week, or twice a week?

Every 2 weeks

it seems strange she asked when she then said she has strong feelings it should stay with two; perhaps she is just clarifying you are ok with that? doesn't seem to be any mention of terminating though or even a hint of it

I hope your T clarifies this for you. Your meds have helped but this doesn't mean that you need to start weaning off therapy.

could be an insurance thing that she picked up on? best to find out early rather than late.

I made a mistake she was saying like every other week but she was just throwing it out there she said she is not suggesting it she wanted to know what i thought

Hi, sweepy62.

You're asking for an opinion so here's what I think. Your T mentioned the every other week idea but she thinks you should keep going on a weekly basis. If you don't feel ready, maybe you could tell her you'd rather still go every week. I'm sorry I can't be of much help. When I started therapy with current T (about year and a half ago) I was really looking forward to going every other week as opposed to going to therapy every single week or every 10 days. Hope everything turns out fine.

I can't help but wonder if she threw it out there just to get a sense of "where you are." If you responded favorably, then that would be useful information. I think my therapist has done something similar a few times - asking if I would like to see her less. I always reacted with panic and worried that she was trying to get rid of me, or was bored with me, etc.

Any suggestion on her part that I might not need her, or pointing out that I'm doing so much better.. all of that triggers massive abandonment triggers.

Even now. After lots of ruptures and repairs over it, though, I've learned to trust that my interpretation is likely skewed - - but I always have to ask in order to get enough clarification to stop my fears from escalating.

It happened today, in fact. I saw her this morning, and she's leaving for a 3.5 week overseas trip. After a fairly extended period of relative peace in my life, last week a very stressful situation cropped up, with lots of huge triggers. I've been handling it better than I've ever been able to in the past. Still...

So in the past, if she's going to be away, especially out of the country, she always give me contact options. ALWAYS. After I left this morning, I realized she hadn't given me any contact info. I've never had to use it in the past, but there is something profoundly reassuring about knowing I am able to if I need to. Since I've got this crazy thing going on that threatens my stability, I emailed her and asked her if I could have it, especially under the circumstances. I referred to it as my "tether."

So she responded and said she'd check her email every few days, and said that hopefully that would be enough of a tether. So I wrote back, thanked her, and since I'm feeling wobbly, I told her to not underestimate the importance of my feeling tethered, and I mentioned an underlying fear that we've discussed in the past, where I worry that she will think I'm fine, and prematurely attempt to send me on my way.

She wrote back and reassured me that "cutting the tether" is not on her agenda.. and that when it was time to do that it would be a decision we would make together. You'd think I'd have felt reassured - but instead - a confusing surge of anxiety and sorrow overtook me.

I wrote again and told her that reading anything about "cutting the tether" - even if in the distant future, felt so violent to me, and set off a rush of abandonment issues for me. I'm a visual thinker - I see and perceive everything that's intangible as 'pictures' - so anyway, I told her that the image I have is that the relationship is more like "stitches" to me. It's like they bind me together - and allow me to operate freely and independently of her. I said "since I've had these stitches holding my constitution together for so long, it doesn't demand my attention, but I'm always aware of them being there.. but that I envisioned that whenever they have served their purpose, they will dissolve and be absorbed by me in a natural and imperceptible way.

Anyway, so she wrote back and it was clear she 'got it' - it was a word choice thing - and when I got that from her, I was good.

My point is - that you need to bring it up with her - tell her how you experienced it - it will strengthen the bond for you.

thanks cresent i just felt a rush of abandoment i know she told me not to jump to any conclusions and she knew i would anyway she said she is not bored of me but i been spiriling into depression and i guess i didnt take it well

Sounds like she was just broaching the subject, not at all suggesting termination. She did what she could to let you know not to misinterpret the discussion. Trust her at her word. It is fine.

The flat affect when first starting lithium isn't particularly unusual and the it could just be coincidental and have nothing to do with the lithium. It's hard to know. Give it some time to settle in. It took around 5 weeks to get to the point where I realized the lithium had really kicked in and was working. I'm sure your pdoc will draw blood levels to check to see if you are at therapeudic levels.

Hey Sweepy...I'll admit I don't quite understand why your T asked you how you felt about that, but from what you say, I don't get that she wants to reduce the time she sees you. I definitely don't think termination is in her mind at all.

She may have asked the question just to see how you'd react; if your abandonment issues are subsiding. I personally wouldn't do it to someone I know has BPD or BPD traits (having the traits myself ) or around a major med change, but T's aren't perfect. They make mistakes with us sometimes.

Well.. I really do get the abandonment issues! I hope my story helped you see that even after four years with my therapist, where I've achieved a great deal of stability, the most innocuous statement by my therapist can throw me into a tailspin. The difference now is that I have learned over time that it works out great to let her know right away.. because she can quickly resolve it for me, which prevents me from slipping too deep into the pit.

But in the meantime - - please have faith that when you talk to her again, you will find out that she has no intention of abandoning you.

Thank u choppin I know u get it I guess I'm depressed overwhelmed and yes I have abandonment issues and a major med change

Maybe she thought you might like to slow things down a bit and recover from each appointment if you had more time in between. Like it would not be so overwhelming because you had longer between appointments to deal with the previous appointment's aftermath.

Hi Sweepy, I think you need to discuss this with your T and clarify this, but it is your time and your choice. I think what stopdog says makes sense but the only way to find out what your T meant is to ask her. when are you back? Let us know what happens, won't you