[healed84]

So, I had an interesting session with T today.. At one point we got to an on going problem with me, the thought that I am more screwed up than everybody else sees me. Like, me being gone is the best solution for me and my family. I know that is distorted thinking and I am working on it. And in the process my T said, I just need to believe him for now. And I just can't do that. He asked why not.. I said, I don't know. He said Do you think I am lying to you? I said no, then he asked do I think that he doesn't know what he is talking about.. I said no.

We dropped it.. When I got home I sat and thought about my session.. and it occured to me, maybe I just don't trust him as much as I thought I did. Then I was like, well.. what does trust really mean? Because I admit that I don't trust many people.. However, I do have a certain amount of trust in certain people. So the Defintion of Trust:

"Assured reliance on the character, ablity, strength, or truth of someone or something." Or "One in which confidence is placed."

So, I then looked up Confidence: "faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way."

So, I looked at those definitions and thought to myself.. Do I really trust T? I keep on going back to him, so- there is some confidence in that he knows what he is doing. I call him crisis and he is good at grounding me, so I trust him in that aspect. However, I wonder if I am having a hard time trusting him in other aspects. Beliving him when he sees the good in me that I don't.. Trust him that when I share the details of my SA he won't go away or think of me differently.

So, anways.. Do you trust your T? what does trust look like in your relationship with your T?? Anything else to add?

[critterlady]

I do and I don't. I trust his expertise, his empathy, and his insight. I'm not 100% there with trusting the relationship yet. I'm not convinced that he really will be with me for as long as I need him. He hasn't done a thing that would make me think otherwise, but almost every relationship I have ends before I want it to, so it's hard not to think this one will, too.

Plus, since he doesn't know everything that goes inside my head, so when he says things like "you're not broken" or "the worst is over," it's hard to believe him. Not that he's lying, but he just doesn't know everything, so can't make a truly informed statement.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by critterlady

Plus, since he doesn't know everything that goes inside my head, so when he says things like "you're not broken" or "the worst is over," it's hard to believe him. Not that he's lying, but he just doesn't know everything, so can't make a truly informed statement.

This. T gets a somewhat filtered version of the truth, if only because it's really difficult to completely convey everything.

Also, whenever there is a discrepancy between T's view of me and my view, it's usually difficult to reconcile because, while I might believe what she is saying intellectually, I just don't connect with it emotionally. Reversing a lifetime of negative thoughts about yourself ain't easy.

For me it's less about trust than it is about dealing with the dissonance that comes with hearing something that is SO opposite to my own experience.

I trust that she won't share what I tell her with anybody else.

[WikidPissah]

ying and yang. it's there for brief moments, and then I freak out and run. Like critterlady said, he doesn't really know me.

[Asiablue]

Great posting! I know that my T is trustworthy, very much so. Yet part of me doesn't trust her not to hurt me. I'm 90% sure the time will come where she lets me down. And when the happens i will be devastated.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

I trust that she won't share what I tell her with anybody else.

I generally trust this too but mostly because I am the most garden variety unexciting of clients. I also trust she will generally be on time.

And the woman thinks I have trust issues. Two things right off the top of my head.

[Mike_J]

I was SO afraid to trust my therapist, didn't know how. Mad the very difficult decission that if I was going to get any help from therapy I needed to make a "leap of faith" and put my full trust in my therapist.

Doing that is a huge risk, and many therapists are not trustworthy, but for me it was really the only way to move forward, and my therapist is GREAT, putting myself at risk and trusting her has been a great decission.

[jenluv]

I trust T1 that he doesn't intend to hurt me. But I don't always trust that he knows what he's doing.

I trust that T2 knows what he's doing. Boy, does he!

It took awhile for me to get there but I do trust my T, I get upset with myself sometimes because even while I'm telling her something and knowing I am trusting her with it, I can still sit there feeling all exposed and vulnerable and embarrassed and then I feel like I have to explain to her "I don't know why I feel ____ because I trust you with this." Oh sometimes this whole therapy thing can be so confusing. But my T is awesome and putting my trust in her has been a great decision for me as well.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by healed84

And in the process my T said, I just need to believe him for now. And I just can't do that. He asked why not.. I said, I don't know. He said Do you think I am lying to you? I said no, then he asked do I think that he doesn't know what he is talking about.. I said no.

I might have said yes! This, for me, is the most difficult part to trust in, that T knows what she is talking about.

[LadyShadow]

I like this post a lot. It took a long time to trust my T. He has been with me almost 5 years. I met him when I was in a program which required me to be in a group setting, I absolutely hated it! My individual meetings with him is the only thing that kept me strong and grounded. I have to say I really trust my T. I have opened up to him about things that I haven't able to admit to myself yet. As in dark secrets I hold deep inside of me. It was really a breakthrough to be that open.

My T always says every time we open our heart to another human being there is a risk we take. But we have to be willing to open up our heart that much to reap the benefits. Not half way. And I have always done thing half donkeyed (you get it?) This time I let him in, as I have done with my boyfriend relationship wise. I never thought I would be able to, but I did.

Good luck!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I also trust she will generally be on time.

And the woman thinks I have trust issues. Two things right off the top of my head.

Lol I think my T rather resents that I gained more of a sense of security from the bus running on time, not him. I always felt I COULD trust him, but we figured out today I really meant I could protect myself from him - that's not really the same thing. I'm finally starting to feel like I AM safe with him.

I think that I don't trust anyone.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by critterlady

I do and I don't. I trust his expertise, his empathy, and his insight. I'm not 100% there with trusting the relationship yet. I'm not convinced that he really will be with me for as long as I need him. He hasn't done a thing that would make me think otherwise, but almost every relationship I have ends before I want it to, so it's hard not to think this one will, too..

exactly, exactly. Thanks CL.

I trusted T2 faster, and far more, than I ever did T1 in four years. I am convinced that she is the one who can help me (if I don't sabotage)... I have to trust. I have no one else.

[healed84]

It is so neat how everyone experiences trust with their T.. Thanks for your responses!

after what happened with our ex-counselor the word trust just doesnt exist for us anymore and our new counselor said she would be very surprised,given the circumstances surrounding that event,if we did say we trusted her. but we hope to reach a point where we can say we do,even just a little♥

[healed84]

Hmmm.. This has lead me to think further about this. Do you think that we can have healthy, healing, thearputic relationships with our Ts if we don't trust them?

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by healed84

Hmmm.. This has lead me to think further about this. Do you think that we can have healthy, healing, thearputic relationships with our Ts if we don't trust them?

I think you can get some benefits, but I believe that trust is necessary to get the most out of a therapeutic relationship. Everyone has their own level of trust they need to reach in order for that to happen - it won't be the same for everyone. I think I get a lot out of therapy even though I don't 100% trust that it's going to last. Others may need certainty of that and may not need to trust their T's empathy, for example.

But I think you need trust on some level.

I was able to trust my T pretty quickly and easily. I don't particularly have trust issues I guess, which is remarkable considering my past. But despite it all, I have a deep confidence that I have surrounded myself with people who are deserving of my trust. T is just one of those people, though probably the most significant. I know without question that he has my best interests in mind. I know with no doubt that he believes me and that what he tells me about myself is really the truth and reality, even when I am in a place where I can't quite see it myself. That ability to trust has allowed me to be completely open with him and move forward towards healing a step at a time.

yes, i trust him but i don't trust myself.
i have been seeing him over a decade and i am still afraid that i will arrive someday and he will tell me, to "get the hell out", because at that point he will IN FACT be seeing the real me... and he will then figure out just how unfixable i am...

[confuseduk]

I struggle with the whole trust thing, no matter how much my T tries to convince me, that little voice in my head that threatens to destroy our hard work always wins out. I'm convinced my T will let me down or betray me, just like everyone else I've ever trusted, why would this stranger be any different

[Silent_tsol]

Excellent timing for this post! Before T this week I was stuck on "what is the purpose of trust". I really couldn't answer that question.

Like someone else said, I guess I have to have some level of trust in T because I keep going back every week. And it's not because I have so much fun there, so I have to trust, at least a little that seeing her will help.

I trust that what she tries to help me to the best of her ability and that she believes in what she tells me.

I don't trust that she believes I need to be in T. I don't trust that she won't give up on me.

[lostmyway21]

I struggle to trust T won't abandon me, but T goes through same questions every week.

Have I done anything to break your trust? No
Have I been reliable? Yes
Have I been stable? Yes
Have I changed at all? No
Am I the person that abandoned you? No
Should you trust me? Yes

Eventually this will stick.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I struggle to trust T won't abandon me, but T goes through same questions every week.

Have I done anything to break your trust? No
Have I been reliable? Yes
Have I been stable? Yes
Have I changed at all? No
Am I the person that abandoned you? No
Should you trust me? Yes

Eventually this will stick.

Oh that is good.