Seeing your T's emotions

I was reading one of CE's posts about his frustration with not being able to read his T's emotions in her face or in her eyes. I have this issue with my T. Sometimes, I can see he is feeling SOMETHING, but I cannot decipher it. We have discussed it, and he said he would think about whether it would be therapeutic for me for him to be more open with his emotions. And sometimes, he will tell me what he was feeling the session before if I ask, usually in the context of helping me to see if my impressions were correct, or in talking about what a 'normal' response to things would be.

Just this last session, we were discussing something he admitted was uncomfortable for both of us, and he kept his face pretty expressionless, but I noticed his breathing became really fast (like REALLY fast to the point where I almost told him to take slow deep breaths, the way he reminds me sometimes). Also, his body language was really closed and his muscles were super tight.

So, do the rest of you ask your T about their feelings? Do you spend time guessing at it? Or just not care. I find myself really uncomfortable with the thought of how uncomfortable I apparently made him this week.

I always ask my T point blank if he is mad, upset, frustrated, tired, ect. If I don't I will focus my session trying to figure out what is different, why its different, and if I did something to cause it. He always is VERY honest and open about what he is feeling. I can always tell if he is tired or not feeling well, or frustrated or not himself. I would however be SUPER uncomfortable if my T was breathing fast and tensed about something. My T is always very expressive, but NOT like that. I would be uncomfortable and possibly scared that he couldn't keep his own reactions in check.

I am usually like that as well, lost, but he kept his body really still (maybe the tenseness was an effort to sit very still), and his face was really calm. Otherwise, I think my anxiety levels would have shot through the roof. Speed of breathing was one of the big indicators of whether my father was about to blow up.

My T tends to wear her heart on her face. She doesn't hide her emotions as well as she think she does and in many cases, I don't think she cares if I do see them.

She makes funny faces too. Even when she doesn't intend to sometimes.

I'm usually very good at reading emotions from others, even my T. But, if I can't read my T, I just ask. Most of the time she will tell me what she's thinking or feeling.

I'm no good at reading emotions, at all, and my T doesn't show them. She does smile a lot, and often laughs when I say funny things (her sense of humour is what I can relate to best with her) but when she's not smiling I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling.

The pdoc I've seen a couple of times on the other hand does show emotion - he looks surprised when I tell him some things, which I find rather gratifying.

I haven't had a lot of time to work with my T yet, but this resonates with me. Last session we were going over what appeared to be indicated from some of the diagnostic testing he had me take just before my session. (Of course I'm crazy curious, so I've been trying to figure out what test I took- he had it on the computer. I'm pretty sure it was a streamlined MMPI.) Anyway, as he was reviewing the results, he got to one point and his demeanor seemed to change slightly. Ever so slightly. He got quiet and seemed to read whatever analysis the test had given several times. I am nearly sure I heard him take a deep breath and say to himself "wow, that's complex." Then he sat back in his chair and his voice got quieter as we continued. It kind of freaked me out a bit, so I was like "what?" And he nonchalantly said it indicated that there was some depth there for us to explore. So I'm like thinking, dude, I really wish I knew what you were really thinking just then. But I have a feeling I'll never know exactly what thought had crossed his mind. I don't normally read too much into things but of course now I'm imagining all kinds of things he could have been thinking like "woah...most screwed up patient ever!" LOL Not really. But when you're not sure what their emotions and thoughts are, it kind of makes you wonder!

I know T is in touch with his feelings; I'm the one who is having a hard time figuring out my own. Maybe I'm not looking at T as intently as some of you are? Or sitting as close? Altho we can bump fists if we both lean over. I can't hear him breathing, and I would not be able to say if his muscles were tense!

im usually too busy trying to stay present and figure out what im going to say next let alone trying to decipher what they are feeling ( i have 2 T's).
however, i do generally write a letter to one of them before every session....its the only way i ever get anywhere....i cant just show up and talk..that letter usually has anything ive thought about or felt or noticed the previous week...so whenever she is reading that i will sneek peeks at her to see if i can gauge her response. if i wrote something funny she will laugh but otherwise she keeps it pretty straight faced. and im all "REALLY? i just told you some pretty deep stuff and ur looking like i just told you what i ate for lunch!" i think her lack of expression sometimes causes me to do the same....cause its how my mom was. but when she shows a reaction whether sad, happy, serious, mad, etc....it like kickstarts my emotions.

I cannot hear him breathing, I can see it. And I am probably sitting about the same distance as you guys are -- it would require us both leaning forward to touch each other. I think it may be one of the after-effects of the physical abuse that I am perhaps a little overly vigilant to signs of agitation in people I am with. Things like rapid breathing and tense muscle get and hold my attention.

I don't look at him so I don't know. Sometimes he will make an angry statement about something I tell him...not angry at me, but angry at my parents/siblings etc.

I have imagined he thought this about me several times.

My T sometimes shares her feelings when it's helpful for me to know or if it's part of a relevant anecdote/experience.

A couple weeks ago, she shared about how she got in a car accident and how she used a variety of dbt skills to handle the emotions as she waited for the cops to show up and handle the accident reports stuff. Though it wasn't the bigegst part of the story, she talked about how at the end of it all, she was trying not to cry as tears rolled down her face and she was trying to hide it behind her sunglasses. I remember thinking, "Oh wow, T cries!" lol, it hadn't really struck me before that T is a person with her own valid feelings and that she probably cries sometimes. I'm so used to her being very calm and collected and in control, sometimes a little goofy or funny or even tough. But I hadn't thought of her being sad or angry. In my most recent thread, I mentioned how this week she shared about some things with my treatment/progress that made her angry. She totally talked about it in a controlled manner, but I could see her sincerity too.

In the average session, I can see her expressing concern or excitement or humor, so those I'm used to. I really like that she shares that stuff with me, because it reminds me that she's not a perfect super-T. She's real, and I love it. I had a T in the past who was more cbt than my current one, and I didn't get much back from her. She was great, but more emotion would have been nice. With current T, I sometimes get embarrassed by her excitement or some other emotions and will look away, but that's more about me. I'm glad she expresses them, I'm just awkward at how to deal with other people's emotions in certain situations.

I used to ask if she was mad at me, but again, that was about me. I'm a people-pleaser and hate the idea of making someone hurt or angry, etc. She didn't always answer, but she did address the issue. She only answered once that I can think of, because I needed to hear it. And, of course, she doesn't express being mad AT me, just angry about a situation.

My T is quite open and honest about her feelings.

My T tends to stay pretty calm and even tempered but emotions do show through. I've seen him express anger at people in my past when I talked about SA and he said "I can't believe someone would do that to a little girl". I've seen tears in his eyes when I've been sharing some gut-wrenching story from my life. He shows sorrow, joy, laughter, humor (he's incredibly wacky) but he does maintain an even temperment most of the time. And that's good because being borderline, I tend to be over the top and dramatic so one of us needs to be calm and collected

My T is very good at staying emotionally detached from what we discuss...although If I submit something I've written he has to try extra hard...and similar to Towanda's experience, when I brought up CSA T became very outwardly angry even though I was dismissive and unaffected he started to express things towards the abuser that I had never felt and seemed very genuine on his part.

My T is kind of in the middle on showing his emotions. I've never sensed anger from him, but I've seen him look sad and concerned. He does smile and laugh easily, which I really like.

He's talked about how some of the things I've told him made him feel sad and he talked afterward about how he felt when I called to tell him my mom died. Actually, I would almost have preferred if he hadn't told me how he felt during the call. I feel responsible for bringing him sadness. He's told me several times that he's very glad I called and that he wants me to do that more, but I don't like to spread sadness.

My previous T got very angry when I told him about my CSA - he was livid with the abuser. In fact, he told me that he thought he was madder than I was. Since I'm still pretty shut down emotionally about that subject, he was probably right.

I don't look at my T much and I just realized I don't really pay that much attention to her feelings. My T is pretty open in showing her emotions as far as I can tell. She often talks with her hands and her voice changes tones etc. T is really calm though most of the session, to the point where its annoying. I guess I'm struggling and T sitting there all calm and collected and it bugs me. I haven't seem any anger or sadness that I can tell, I might just be oblivious.

We have never discussed T emotions but she does show it, I can tell by her tone of voice expressions on her face, she does use humour a lot.

The facial expression I get a lot is concern, sadness and I have picked up on anger not aimed at me but due to what we were talking about.

I've never had much trouble reading my T's emotions. He is a very calm, even keel sort of guy so he's not terribly demonstrative with his emotions, but I'm pretty much the same way so I guess I just know how to read that.

I immediately wondered about this when I read your original post, MKAC.

Actually, my T and I were talking about something similar recently. I generally read people really well, and it's no doubt a result of feeling the need to always gauge everyone's moods, etc. to protect myself when I was a kid. So, a few weeks ago in T, we sat down at the beginning and I immediately sensed that something was "off" about T, and I said as much. She denied it, and then proceeded to want to have a long conversation about me and my "stuff" and why I couldn't just say what I wanted/needed without having to figure out where she was at. She actually seemed a little irritated to me, and I ended up getting irritated with her because I felt like she just kept putting it back on me. I know my therapy is about me, but can't I just be right sometimes?

She was right, of course. Therapy is about me, not her. And she was right about how my history likely caused that tendency, and right that I need to work on it.

Still, it gave me a bit of statisfaction (but also a bit more anger) to have her say at the end of the session that I was basically right and to explain a bit about her state of mind. (She was running late and had X, Y, and Z going on and was worried about getting there on time, etc., etc., etc.) I mean, why couldn't she just say so???

I know why it worries me, but I wonder--since you started the thread--what you think about why you worry about T's emotions. Does it have to do with the type of relationship you feel you have or should have? Something else?

T1 insisted I was terrible at reading people, in fact that it's practically impossible to do so.

T2 says she has noticed that I'm extremely good at it.

who to believe? I think they both consider themselves hard to read; but if you grow up needing that skill, you are sure to develop it, IMO.

My T is quite open with his emotions. He is not hard to read as he is not trying to hide away. I like his transparency. I don't have to doubt him or his intentions. He just is who he is.

That would irritate the crud out of me to have to go through the entire session second guessing myself only to have her confirm I was right in the first place. That would be a HUGE deal to me.

In terms of me, I think it's about a feeling that I am imposing on him -- or maybe -- contaminating him. Like my feelings are so gross -- or I am so gross -- that it infects him somehow or gets him dirty just to hear me. Does that make ANY sense?