People who shouldn't have DBT?

I have heard a lot of good things about DBT, but I am having trouble getting myself to do it. Rather than taking a class, I have tried workbooks, online resources, etc. but everything I do makes me feel worse. I completed the workbook but cried the whole time and even thinking about DBT leads to a lot of self-harming urges. I tried to work on it again two days ago and I am still a complete mess.

I don't want to turn anyone off from DBT because it is apparently helpful for a lot of people, but I am finding the wording and general approach to be belittling and invalidating. It seems like most people don't feel that way, but I do and I don't want to feel like I am being talked to like I am three years old.

I have only seen a few posts (on other sites) about people feeling the same way. Is there a certain type of person who would not be likely to benefit from it? I just feel very alone in this. My therapist keeps pressuring me to take a DBT class and I just can't.

I did a DBT group years and years ago, and really hated it. I found it condescending and repetitive. But I think a lot of that was tied up in feeling like my hand was forced in being there, and that I didn't particularly like the overly touchy-feely facilitator.

I know that a lot of people benefit from DBT. Had I had a more open mind, I might have as well. But there are many paths to enlightenment, as people say. One approach can't possibly be for everyone.

Now this is just me, but if you go into any therapy with the thought that it's not going to help you then it almost certanly won't. I wouldn't let your therapist pressure you into anything.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have an open mind about things. My first psychiatrist spent a year and a half talking me into therapy, he didn't pressure me but just slowly convinced me that I should give it a try. I'm SO glad that I finally agreed and that he recomended such a great therapist.

i've had the same experiences with the urges being stronger with doing DBT. I think it's not for everyone - or maybe it will be ok for you sometime later - in a few years. You are where you are and there's no judgement on that. For now, trust your instincts. Maybe you could use a break right now, even, who knows?
Best to you

I am in the very early stages of DBT. Three weeks? I was really excited about it in the beginning. In fact, I am the one who suggested it to my therapist and she thought it would be very beneficial for me. But now that we have started, I am kinda turned off to it. I don't know why. I like the information, skills, homework, etc...but for some reason, I don't want to go back next week.

This thread is interesting. I will be following it to see what others think. I want to find out why I have such mixed emotions. DBT sounds great but I feel (stupid) with some of the things we talk about. Maybe this is going to take some time to really get into?

I even wondered if maybe I just need a break before we start into something new. The problem with that is that if I take a break, I will either have a major meltdown, or I won't ever want to go back.

I've been in dbt for a year and a half now, have gotten some useful stuff out of it, but dread going each week..,.,

My T constitally bugs me about DBT. I always say no from what I read about it, sounds shaming to me.

I tried it for several months. I hated it, the workbook, the colloquialisms, the facilitator narrating every week. I felt stupid because I couldn't "get" it. Mind you I was new to DBT, and the group I was put into had been doing it for some time, so I was trying to absorb things without them being explained to me.

I am going into this two week residential program that uses DBT, but they use several other tactics as well. That I think I can handle.

DBT may very well not be for everyone but it depends too on the therapist, which makes a difference and to find someone who is well trained. I don't know about learning from the book without having someone as a guide to learn it because with what specifically gets triggered or comes up in life is not covered in all situations and would be difficult to apply all the skills in the manual without guidance; a therapist would be valuable in this situation.

I have a love/hate relationship with DBT, literally. I hate the things that it triggers and what it incites in me. I love that from this it gives me a chance to work on those exact things that need work or they wouldn't be triggered. I dread going some times more than others because I know it is work and it challenges me, which for that reason, I both love and hate as well. If I avoid it, it is exactly an indication of something that I need to be looking and working on instead of avoiding it.

I was warned about this though before I started that it would be challenging, that it would be work, that it would be triggering, and for a reason. One therapist calls it an AFGRO- another friggin growth opportunity. I have learned to take what skills I can use and use them to help where I can. Even if all the skills do not apply, I am better off having a few more skills to use as tools to get through life than I did before coming across DBT.

I don't know that you can do any therapy by yourself. Reading a book is not the same as what it would be like with a group or therapist. When you do things only by yourself, you defeat the purpose of having another person's perspective and help and it is the whole interaction thing that is helpful, not the principles themselves (or we'd all be able to decide to not eat as much, exercise more, and lose weight :-)

I'm just about to start a DBT group next week. My regular therapist has recommended it and pretty much insists I try it so I feel a bit pushed into it too but from what I've read it sounds good. At first I was freaking out about it (for many and complicated reasons) but lately I've been approaching the idea like this: "ya know, it's just a class to learn coping skills. That's all. No big deal. Everyone could benefit from having more ways to cope with stress, right? So what's the harm?" As long as I still get to go back to my regular therapist I'm cool with it. Im going to keep an eye on this thread too though. I think the OP raises some good points.

I have done a lot of reading on DBT and asked a lot of people for their opinions. I tried the workbook just to see if I could get into it because I was afraid of going to the actual group. I figured it would be better than nothing, and it might even help me to be more comfortable to go to the group when I knew more about it.

I really like the idea of DBT and learning the coping skills, etc. But my issue is with the approach. To me it came off as being really invalidating and condescending, as another poster mentioned. I have tried to work my way around it, but that is really hard to do. I feel like I am being too picky but feeling invalidated and like my issues are being simplified is a huge trigger for me, which is why I am afraid it will do more harm than good. I don't like some of the rules that are put in place and it feels like some of them would be triggering as well.

I don't think you'd get the same experience at all with a workbook. The personal support has been key for me.

My experience with DBT over the past year and a half has probably helped me more than any previous therapy (started over 5 years ago). I actually went through all the modules twice with a weekly group, and my individual T also uses a lot of DBT philosophies in our sessions. I will say that I'm not in the strict, by-the-book DBT therapy (no one in the group was borderline, so a different population than originally designed for). My Ts have tailored it to the group members and to me. Going through it twice allowed me more time to fully process the info and gain additional practice in using the skills. My group T says that yeah, a lot of the stuff can be silly or simple, but if it helps- who cares? And I've found that it helps me tremendously. She also makes a point of saying that it will feel uncomfortable and unnatural for awhile, because the behaviors or negative coping skills we're using are so habitual. Nothing is going to feel the same as what we usually do, but it'll help us act more effectively and will become more natural over time. I don't know that I enjoy it- I'm not in therapy for the giggles, but it has helped me grow so much.

I'm currently 3/4's of the way through a DBT program & it's some of the most useful therapy I've done, in terms of learning to regulate my moods, and cope with emotions in healthy as opposed to self destructive ways. But I think a lot depends on the facilitator - my group has 2 facilitators, both of whom are really good and who I feel comfortable with. That seems key to me.

I do find it intense and it's a lot of work to practice the skills each week, but I don't find that it talks down to me or is patronizing in any way. Sure some of the stuff we learn is kind of obvious in hindsight, but if we were doing it already - we probably wouldn't need DBT.

I do kind of dread going to sessions, because they are intense and can be triggering, but I'm always glad I've gone by the time it's over.

splitimage

I did DBT a few years ago. I can say now that I loved it. At the time, I liked it but fought it too. It is a very demanding therapy.
There were many skills therapists and I liked about half of them. I really liked my individual therapist and she was the leader of the group so she was well trained in DBT and was doing the supervision and training for the other therapist.
If you want to give it try, look for therapists that are well trained. Also, if you don't like the group approach, you might be able to find an individual therapist that can meet your needs and adapt the DBT program. But to do that, the therapist need to know a lot about DBT.

So worked great for me, and I think because the therapist I had was awesome, which made it even better and more effective.

Good luck!

I do not believe that DBT can possibly work through a workbook or through our own means. After 1 1/2 years & having gone through everything 2 times except for the interpersonal effectiveness, I am still working with the leader of figuring out how what I'm doing is a DBT concept or what DBT term applies to what I did or how I could have better handled a situation with DBT skills. It's a continual learning process that takes practice, practice, practice to make the changes in our neuropathways that we managed to develop with non-functioning skills when they were being developed.

To be quite honest, DBT is nothing different than the therapy that one has to go through after a Tramatic Brain Injury, or a stroke except that the neuropathways in those cases have usually been destroyed. Changing something that is still intact is always much harder than not having it there & having to create it feeling like from scratch.

I know when I taught myself how to play racquettball, the skills I developed were not the best for being an advanced player. When I took a few lessons from a more advanced player, I learned better skills, but I had to break the muscle knowledge that I had already developed....that's why it's easier to learn from an instrustor in the beginning & learn the right way to do something rather than have to unlearn.......DBT is the same thing.

We only need therapy because there is something we are doing that keeps us from functioning well in our life & it usually a skill that we have developed out of NEED, not because our parents have taught us, or we have learned a good skill from someone who really cares about us....it's usually because no one in our life either knew the skill themselves or they had no idea how to convey it to us, so we developed whatever we could to get through whatever we had to get through & then because it sort of worked, we continued to use that skill over & over until it became our way of doing it.....programmed into our brains neuropathways.

Unfortunately, many of those skills are really not helping us function as adults.......& those neuropathways need to be reprogrammed with better functioning skill/reactions to difficult situations.

It's always painful when we have to start to really THINK about what we are doing & be truly AWARE of what is going on around us so that we can learn what we are doing that isn't working (which we have to do in the first place).....& that always hurts because we usually feel so stupid & non-functional.....because we are finally AWARE of it & not just blowing it off & ignoring it anymore.......then learning & APPLYING & even thinking about a situation in a functional way is even more difficult & usually painful.

The problem is that you can't fix what's broke without figuring out what's broken & even setting a broken bone is painful......so why would we think that fixing a broken way of dealing with things in our life would be any less painful....just because it's the pathways in our brain rather than bones in our body.

The leader we have handles our DBT almost like a college class which may be why I can deal with it so well. Understanding how our brain is working & understanding how applying skills/actions can change the existing neuropathways that exist.....which is proven scientifically, has brought DBT into a whole different level of understanding for me.

For the emotional regulation......our emotional actions come from our internal brain....the lymbic system (the emotional mind, the action urge part of our mind). In order to function rationally, we need to bring our rational mind (the Pre-Frontal Lobe) into being part of the function. In order for that to happen, we have to calm down the body action/urge of the lymbic system (emotional part of our brain) with skills necessary to break the thought processes of the Lymbic system which drives the action/urge part of our mind so that we can hear what our pre-frontal lobe (the logical part of our mind) has to say.

Until I honestly was able to understand the connection between the physiology of the brain's functioning with the concepts of the DBT skills, it was truthfully more meaningless than it has become.

I know that having been a firmware engineer for 15 years & thinking on a much higher intellectual level, I needed therapy that would fit where my brain's thinking level is at. I was lucky to be in a group of people who were in the same place as I was intellectually, so we all blended well & we have a wonderful group leader who teaches at the local private college.

I truly believe that the way DBT is presented makes all the difference in the world how we perceive it.....but that's true of all the therapy types.

DBT however is the one therapy that I have experienced that requires awareness of our thoughts, our emotions, & the situations & conditions surrounding us & provides the learning of skills (that we should have learned correctly growing up) that give us a functional way of handling difficult situations we find ourselves in. The problem is that the non-functional skills have to be broken & the new put in place with practice, practice, practice.....& that is as painful for ourselves as learning how to play an instrument, or learning how to participate in a sport especially if we've learned poor skills in the first place & have to break the old while learning & practicing the new.

Sometimes if we really want to make the changes necessary to function well in those difficult circumstances we aren't functioning well in now, we have to endure the pain for the future success.

I'm sorry that DBT is increasing the urges or feelings of frustration for you, Catlovers. As someone who has worked with children with emotional/behavior problems for longer than I'd like to admit , I can tell you that we know that when we address the "identified" problem, we're going to see a sharp increase in that behavior.

Why? Because staff and the child are intensely focused on the behavior that is difficult and troubling. A child or an adult will push against the new constraints and test the boundaries of what is being asked. It's okay and expected. But over time, the behavior will begin to decrease as the child or adult begins to increase their skill set and find hope or the benefits of finding new ways to deal with their emotions. But it all takes time and patience.

I hope you're able to stick with the program and give it a chance to sink in and possibily give you some new or unexpected skills for dealing with difficult and painful emotions. Personally, I don't think that DBT is the complete and total answer to life threatening or life disrupting behaviors and thoughts, but it is one approach to give you some new skills to use in gaining some traction in your recovery. I always approach this stuff with a mindset that I'll take what works and throw the unhelpful stuff away. . . and over time I've learned that some of the stuff that I found unhelpful or just plain "stupid" clicked with me at a later date. . . sometimes after I've heard it a million times and dismissed it as ridiculous . . . and then suddenly it begins to make sense or I'm ready to use what I've been taught. It's all a learning process! Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm almost 1/2 way through DBT. I don't think it would help me at all without the therapists. And as much as I'm hating going at the moment - because my individual is leaving so I have anew one I don't like. Before all that it was really helping. I don't have the massive angry out bursts where I scream and break things. I haven't been in hospital for about 4 months which is the longest I've been out for. I think that the skills groups are good but the individual appts are key cuz it's there you put the skills you've learned in group into your life. And if something didn't go quite so well then you talk about it and see where the skills would have fitted to improve the outcome.
I've found DBT to be just about accepting things. It's based around the serenity prayer so we focus on this in group.

"grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Can you give an example of how it is invalidating and condescending? I have never done DBT so am not sure I understand what you mean. Do you feel the therapist is talking down to you? Telling you stuff that denies your experience?