[Silent_tsol]

Something happened this weekend that has me balancing on the edge of freaking out. T had said that it's ok to call or text (she knows I don't like phone calls) her if I need to. So now in I'm looking for the therapy how-to manual stopdog is ever looking for. If I were to text (or maybe email, text seems weird like theres not enough space to write and if it got long the messages might go in the wrong order and she might get confused) what happens? How much am I allowed to say? In theory I'd say I couldn't write a while session worth of problems but well...I'm one of those quiet clients so that wouldn't amount to me saying much. And what would I say? "help, life sucks"?

I worry that she would try to get back to me by calling, that would scare me, I don't know of I would answer and would be embarrassed if I didn't and I would hate to cry on the phone (probably more than crying in session). I also worry what happens when I see her next? Anyone who's btdt have any insight in case I find myself brave enough to reach

I'm not sure what btdt is, but I have agonized similarly over whether to call or not. My T doesn't allow me to text or email, so calling is all I have. And there have been times I called just to say 'life sucks' and cried and cried. Somehow he always seems to find a way to help me. I would recommend calling.

[mixedup_emotions]

I usually send an email providing a little bit of context, so T understands what I'm dealing with....and expressing my emotions....and then asking for what I need from him. Sometimes, when I don't know what I need, I just simply ask for some reassurance, words of encouragement, or ask him to tell me something that can help get me through until our next session.

Hope you're able to get the support you need by reaching out to T or PC or anyone you trust.

[Crescent Moon]

My therapist and I made a deal early on. I could text or email any time I needed to, as long as it didn't get excessive, and as long as I didn't expect a response.

It's really worked out well. There have been times I've sent long emails or texts, just pouring out my pain. During that time, I was seeing her two-three times a week, so we would talk about it next session.

What's been really interesting is that there have been times - especially if I am in pain because of a rupture, that she has contacted me. She rarely writes back. She calls. She calls if I sound despondent to her - or if there's something about what I've said that speaks "crisis" to her. And she has called when I've gone off the deep end over some kind of negative transference thingy where I've become convinced that she hates me.

It's always her call.. I have NEVER allowed myself to 'expect' a response - but for the most part, she has always had good instincts about when she really should call.

There's something about texting/emailing that stabilized me when I was a mess. It was like symbolically "touching" her or something. Even without a response, after "touching" her, I could then gather my courage and figure out how to manage.

And as for being afraid of her calling - - there was one time in particular that I sent her a long text wherein I was ready to just quit therapy because I misunderstood something and it triggered me big time. I was totally freaked out. I was so wounded, I was never going to speak to her again. Then the phone rang, and I nearly fainted when I saw her number pop up. I was NOT going to talk to her! It rolled over, and after a few minutes, she called again. And then again. Somewhere in there, when I picked up the phone to see if it was her, I accidentally "answered" it. I had been crying a bucket of tears.. so I had no intention of talking, but I felt awkward about just hanging up on her. She said my name a few times. I didn't make a sound. But her voice sounded good. then she started talking. She had no way of knowing what was going on, but she just kept talking. she tried to get me to respond, but I didn't. I just listened. She just kept reassuring me, telling me that she wasn't sure what happened, but that she really hoped I would show up that day for my appointment, and that we would work it out together. She must have talked for 15 minutes. Before she hung up, she told me she thought she had said all she could say and would need to go ahead and hang up, but she would be there waiting for me at 4, and she hoped I would be there so we could work it out together.

I did show up.. and the whole thing really had been driven by my damaged self-concept - damaged by my childhood environment. I'm so glad my therapist hung in there with me and was willing to put herself out on a limb for me.

[Towanda]

I would definitely call if you feel the need. I have called my T in crisis and he's always been very patient, asked me "what's going on" then spent time talking me down, and offering suggestions on how to keep safe until I see him again. So if she made the offer, definitely call if you need to.

[pbutton]

My T always responds to my emails with an email. I have written him some fairly long messages. His responses are always short. Generally in the next session he says something like "Can we talk about your emails?" I assume this is so we can cover the material in person so he can hear me talk about it. He does give me the option of discussing it or not. Once I was so mortified that I only talked about how sorry I was that I sent the email & how stupid I felt.

You can close at the end by saying "I would really appreciate it if you would write back if possible." That might prevent a call & should hopefully get you a response.

[stopdog]

I tend to write what I think will help me to get out and get away from me. I often send it as an attachment and do not want the therapist to respond to it. First I fully believe she would bungle any response and second the point is to get it away from me rather than to hear what the therapist has to say about it.

[WikidPissah]

I have emailed, texted and called. Not often for any of them, but occasionally. I usually text if I need an immediate response. I have texted such things as "having a hard time", or "can I talk to you". One time after dealing with my abusive elderly mother I texted "I am going to rip off my mothers head"...he called back quickly after that one...lol. But I am really bad at talking so the phone calls are him reassuring and me just answering "ok"

If it isn't urgent and I have a lot to tell him I email. He always responds to his emails very late in the evening, so I know if I email him during the day I probably won't get his response until the next morning. His responses are short, but encouraging, and it is good to write because my thoughts are clearer that way and I don't feel like a dimwit.

[noodle_82]

My T has banned me from contacting him between sessions, even if in crisis. Apparently we have a crisis plan in place which I should follow in such times. In fact it is his crisis plan so that I dont bother him. I'm not allowed to contact him before it gets to crisis either. It feels cruel, and is excrutiating at times when I just need some contact with T. I wish I could contact T, instead I feel rejected and abandoned particularly in times when I am most vulnerable.

I wish my T encouraged me to contact him and cared enough about my welfare as your T seems to. I think if you are in a situation where something is affecting you badly or you really need to contact T, and she is happy for you to do so, then do it. T sounds like she really wants to be there for you when you need her, so take her at her word that she wants to help you.

We don't email or text, so calling is my only option (which is completely fine with me). My T is very good about returning calls, so I don't really worry about that. I just talked to him Friday evening because I wasn't doing well. What I like about phone calls is that we aren't limited to the typed word. If he doesn't understand me, I can clarify. If I don't understand him, he can clarify. None of that questioning the interpretation of what those written words might have meant malarky that seems to drive people crazy around here. What can I say? I'm a cut to the chase kind of gal.

[Victoria'smom]

I only called T once. She picked up, I was mortified. I was so hoping she wouldn't answer. Conversation went like this
I blurted out "What the **** do you think is wrong with me?"
T: "What happened?"
Me: (silents)
T: "Did you and ****** get in to a fight?"
me: uh uh
T: "Is (Son) safe?"
me: uh huh
T: "Is ****** safe?"
me: yeah
T: "Are you safe?"
me: uh huh ( ***** talking in the back round telling me to tell her what's going on)
T: what's ***** saying
Me: I don't know
T: I agree with you that you are thinking irrational and if you don't feel safe you should go to the crises center.
Me: I don't want to
T: I know but they'll only keep you three days and then I'll see you Friday.
Me: But I don't want a (drug class I refuse to take)
T: Honey, I know, but if you need one or it's the anti depressant then they'll be able to fix it.
I don't remember the rest and there was a bit more to the conversation but she gave me an out and I took it. I was not hospitalized, and it was not mentioned again.