[jenluv]

Have you ever been surprised by your own answer to a question your T has asked? Please share if you are comfortable.

This tends to happen to me a lot. This week T and I were talking about sex (sex between my H and I) and a struggle we (H and I) had the night before.

T said, "It must be hard to have so many struggles regarding sex with your husband." I looked at him a bit quizzically and said, "Yeah, but don't lots of couples have times when they struggle with their sexual relationship?"

T then asked, "Why did you just say that? That lots of couples struggle with this."

Now, I thought the answer to that question was the obvious: That asking/explaining that lots of couples struggle with sex from time to time normalizes the struggle for my H and I. But that's not what was actually behind the reason.

So I answered, "Because I felt like your comment was a judgment -- a criticism of my part in our sex life."

So of course he said the ubiquitous, "Do you see how that ties into your pattern?" Yes, I did. Makes sense NOW. At the time I was quite surprised by my true motivation.

[InTherapy]

I *HAVE* had that happen, and I'm always kind of shocked. But, I can't think of any specific examples at the moment...

[pbutton]

Yes. Last time we were talking about how I blurted out some CSA info when my husband triggered me. I was telling T that I was a big lying drama queen. He asked something like "So you told him about it because you wanted attention and you wanted him to feel sorry for you?" And I responded that no, it was more like I felt cornered and decided that if H was going to act like a douchebag that I was going to stop protecting him from the awfulness. He was making me angry so I wasn't going to be a barrier in between the horror and a husband that wasn't worth protecting. Let him deal with it on his own.

Yeah, that doesn't sound so much like drama queen motivation, huh? I had to stop talking because I was so confused.

[WePow]

Great insight! Yes, I also had times when I was curious about my own answers.

[jenluv]

I remember early on in therapy, like maybe our second session, T responded to something I asked by saying, "But it's MY job to get to know you . . ." and I blurted out, "Why would you want to do THAT?" at the same time as I thought it. T was excited to hear that kind of honesty.

[critterlady]

Once T asked me if I thought I deserved to have a relationship and I blurted out "no." I'm still not sure where that came from.

[Snuffleupagus]

Totally. We were talking about how I still feel attracted to a former lover. T said, "But it sounds like R is a narcissist." I just blurted something I hadn't ever thought about like it was the most obvious response possible. I said, "Yeah, well, if you're aroused by being sexually used, who's more attractive than a narcissist?"

Such a strange experience.

Oh yeah. Awhile back and I don't really even remember how it came up but t asked me something about why I don't do some thing or other. And I blurted out without thinking about it this big pronouncement, complete with wretched sobbing, something like "because I am a fat, lazy worthless excuse etc etc etc....." you get the picture. She was like "whoa, where did all that self hatred come from?" It ended up being a huge turning point for me too. I hadn't intended on saying anything like that, it just came out that day. Surprised both of us.

[OneRedRose]

This wasnt so much an in the moment answer, But T makes alot of notes on our sessions and our last session we were looking back on how I was at first and she read out something I had said, just reading out loud she wasnt making a statement, and I was like "no I think you have the wrong file" and she confirmed nope she didnt, asked her to repeat what i had said that day, and all I could say was "wow....I was a weirdo....I dont even see the logic in my comments" which she found very interesting lol!.

[Perna]

I still love when my T gave me the word "humiliation" to think about for the next week, at the end of a session, and sure enough, I got humiliated at work and it led to a big breakthrough I was excited about telling T the next week. Well, the end of that session she gave me the word, "disappointed" to think about for the coming week and I blurted out, without thinking, "Does this mean I have to be disappointed this week?" and we both laughed, startled that that could/would happen based on the previous week's work - it wasn't what she had intended

Mine wasn't in an the moment answer but a reaction... my T was telling me another way to think about something and it trigged me (I couldn't even tell you what he said now) and I said ... "right...yada yada yada...blah blah blah.." with open and closing hand motion like to say its all talk... it was probably the first and maybe only time I actually said outloud what I was thinking in therapy without any filters... later I felt bad...was rather childish... My T's response was that it was good to see me get angry..