[zooropa]

I see a lot of posts here from people who have ended or are in the process of ending their relationship with T, for a variety of reasons. I haven't even opened the threads to read the details, but I want to share this:

It's been 6 months since I last saw or spoke to ex-T, 8 months since the beginning of the end, and I want to tell you all that it is easier now than it was. It DOES get easier. It doesn't hurt all the time anymore, and when it does hurt the pain isn't as intense. I don't cry every day, or probably every week. I can find a half a day goes by before I ever think of ex-T, so long that when I DO think of her I have this pleasant surprised moment like, "hey, self good job for not thinking of ex-T for 6 hours! "

I still have so many questions, and I think I always will. It sucks that it ended the way it did, and I can't change that. But I promise you, PROMISE you, that it does get easier. It will get easier. And no matter how good your T was, no matter how much you trusted him/her, they don't have the right to hurt you in the end. It's not about you, it's about them. Even a good T can make horrible mistakes that lead to clients getting hurt, and that's not ok. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

[SpiritRunner]

It hurts less for me too .... but yes, I still have questions and just had to accept that there wouldn't be answers because she chose not to give them ... and perhaps it was better to not have the answers she might have given anyway. And I do wish I had had gotten a better ending, one I might have scripted .... one where I got to hear the things that nightsky's T said .... but it is what it is. I have accepted it, moved forward, and find that I remember the good much much more than the hurt. She gave me lots of seeds of wisdom, things I understand better now, not just in theory but in practice.
She was a good T ... she made mistakes, but she is human. She did the best she could. I think it was probably painful for her too to realize she did end up causing hurt ....
I'm glad it hurts less for you and that there has been healing.

[BashfulBear]

Zoo, I was just about respond to your post about the tapestry, but it's either been deleted or I can't find it on my phone..

Anyway, I'm glad you're making progress with this!!! Do you see a new T now, or is therapy on the back burner still?

I wish I could say I'm doing so well with the same issue.. I haven't seen ex-T in over 4 months, and I'm feeling a lot worse now that I'm finally looking for a new T. So much so that I'm considering trying to find a way to see her again, even though I don't think we're a good fit at all.. that's really bad isn't it!? I can't see any other way through it currently.

you just wrote our bad-ending story too-it DOES get better and they do NOT EVER have the right to hurt you for ANY reason like our ex-counselors did but we made it and you are making it too! SOOO happy to hear how far you have progressed and how much better you are doing. this totally made our night♥♥♥ we realize you dont really know us but we lurked for many,many months and kind of feel like we know you

[zooropa]

being here is overwhelming. I can't read anymore, or reply to everyone I wanted to.

I just want to say that I hope you guys realize how brave you are to talk about these things here with one another. I didn't know it until I had to leave for a while, but now that I'm here again I am just bowled over by the emotion. It's probably because I'm not really in therapy at the moment (I do see my not-so-new-T weekly, but what we do can't be called therapy even by the loosest of definitions.)

I guess I didn't realize how much time I spend avoiding these emotions, how much time I spend reading things that are guaranteed to NOT make me think about things like love and hurt and respect and endings and goodbyes. You guys are brave. I read 3 posts, replied once, and I can't take any more.

Keep taking care of each other.

I undertstand...its was like this for me for about two years after my ex t dumped me.my heart goes out to you.

[rainboots87]

Thanks for this. My situation is a little different in that I'm moving away and the therapeutic relationship is fantastic right now. I absolutely adore my T and I could've wrapped things up with work awhile ago- I've mainly stayed this long to keep working with her a bit longer. We've only got 2 sessions left, and I'm already having crying spells. I've done it before with my first long-term T, so I know it'll be okay. It's still so hard though.

[SoupDragon]

I read somewhere, that ending with T is an important part of the process in terms of being able to deal with feelings similar to bereavement. If we can be OK leaving this important relationship then it is good "practice" for bereavements or ending other relationships in the future.

I am wondering if it does feel like a bereavement?

Thank-you for sharing that it gets easier, it is something that does worry me. Soup