[Silent_tsol]

So I doubt I will actually bring it up with T, I'm far too content living in chicken s--- land. But maybe having it in the back of my mind will get me somewhere at some point in the way off distant future.

How do you talk about the T relationship? I sent T a message to book an appointment this week and once we had a time worked out she sent one back to confirm. It went along the lines of, "Fine then, you are booked for Thursday". From that short message I got "She is mad at me and doesn't want me to come every week. A few weeks ago, when I missed a week, she thought that was better. My problems should be fixed by now and she's frustrated that I keep coming back. I'm don't have issues that require weekly sessions and I'm asking too much."

I can't imagine telling her all that. We've never talked about anything between us the way some people say they discuss the T relationship. Maybe mine doesn't believe in such thing. Maybe were not supposed to have a relationship at all.

There's just so much that comes across my mind that I can't open my mouth about. I never did tell her I lied to her (fretted about it in a post a few weeks ago). I feel like I'm failing at therapy because I'm clearly no good at any of this

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

It went along the lines of, "Fine then, you are booked for Thursday". From that short message I got "She is mad at me and doesn't want me to come every week. A few weeks ago, when I missed a week, she thought that was better. My problems should be fixed by now and she's frustrated that I keep coming back. I'm don't have issues that require weekly sessions and I'm asking too much."

I can't imagine telling her all that. We've never talked about anything between us the way some people say they discuss the T relationship. Maybe mine doesn't believe in such thing. Maybe were not supposed to have a relationship at all.

That's a lot of thinking for your T. Did she say that she doesn't think you should come every weeK? Did she say she was mad? Did she say she is frustrated with you coming back? Thinking for other people is a cognitive distrortion that lots of people including me do.

One of the ways you can approach talking about the "relationship" is to start by saying that you realize that you "decide what she is thinking" or that you "interpret her thoughts from her tone of voice or word choices". This is a great topic and it would let you discuss your side of the "relationship' and get you both on the same page of how you are thinking.

[carly011]

You should really try to bring it up to her, it could help. I finally admitted to my T that i was afraid of getting better because then what if people no longer care. My T told me she would always care and that i could come once a week for the next 20years if i wanted to. She said once my other problems get better, i can still come and talk about the weather if i choose hahaha. Basically she said i will only be done with therapy when we both agree i can be done.

So maybe if you talk to your T you could get some answers good luck!! And if you feel like you still need weekly sessions then keep going because the whole point of therapy is to help YOU

[stopdog]

I usually just ask about it. Like "Hey T - are you mad or what when you - sit like that, sigh, answer in only one sentence in the email?" sort of thing.
It does not seem to bother the therapist when I ask what she means when she does things.

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

How do you talk about the T relationship? I sent T a message to book an appointment this week and once we had a time worked out she sent one back to confirm. It went along the lines of, "Fine then, you are booked for Thursday". From that short message I got "She is mad at me and doesn't want me to come every week. A few weeks ago, when I missed a week, she thought that was better. My problems should be fixed by now and she's frustrated that I keep coming back. I'm don't have issues that require weekly sessions and I'm asking too much."

I can't imagine telling her all that. We've never talked about anything between us the way some people say they discuss the T relationship. Maybe mine doesn't believe in such thing. Maybe were not supposed to have a relationship at all.

There's just so much that comes across my mind that I can't open my mouth about. I never did tell her I lied to her (fretted about it in a post a few weeks ago). I feel like I'm failing at therapy because I'm clearly no good at any of this

No, I don't think you're "failing at therapy" - I think you just need to bring up these things that are bothering you. I think anything that you give a lot of thought to between sessions, or obsess over, is eligible for T time.

You really have no idea what she was thinking when she wrote the email. How could anyone? This is bothering you, so bring it up. Tell her just what you put in your post. Give her a chance to tell you her side. Discuss it. Then it will be resolved and you can stop thinking about it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Silent_tsol]

I know I don't know what she's thinking but I do this a lot. Because in my head, how could the words mean anything else? In my head it's as clear as glass. The only way it could be clearer is if the window was open, but even with the glass there I can see the trees on the other side. Oh I know I know I know it's not actuality.

But I also don't want to tell her. Because I don't want her to see how insecure I am. Insecurity is akin to vulnerable and knowing that would make me attackable.


Thanks for replying everyone

[rainboots87]

I just bring it right up, even though it's hard. I say when you did X (run over time with the client before me a few weeks in a row), I interpreted it as Y (being mad at me/that she's more important), and it made me feel Z (sad, that i'm unimportant, etc.). In that particular example, it led to a really good discussion where my T asked me to consider other possibilities. I came up with the possibility that the other girl needed some extra time or that maybe her session started later. T was able to provide me with several other opportunities, including just that she's bad at keeping track of time.

She never did tell me the specific reason why it happened, because it wasn't going to be helpful for me. Discussing my interpretation, though, was very helpful. It showed me how I interpret situations as something negative about myself when really it might have nothing ot do with me. I've started to notice that I do this a LOT!

I would encourage you to discuss it for the same reason, because it could be really helpful. If nothing else, she can clarify her intention or feeling of the message. I had the same situation with my dietitian a couple years ago- I thought she was mad at me and i'd done something wrong due to a short email response. It turns out I misinterpreted the entire tone of her message. She wasn't mad at all. Good luck!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I never did tell her I lied to her.

This would be a very good place to start.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

So I doubt I will actually bring it up with T, I'm far too content living in chicken s--- land. But maybe having it in the back of my mind will get me somewhere at some point in the way off distant future.

How do you talk about the T relationship? I sent T a message to book an appointment this week and once we had a time worked out she sent one back to confirm. It went along the lines of, "Fine then, you are booked for Thursday". From that short message I got "She is mad at me and doesn't want me to come every week. A few weeks ago, when I missed a week, she thought that was better. My problems should be fixed by now and she's frustrated that I keep coming back. I'm don't have issues that require weekly sessions and I'm asking too much."

I can't imagine telling her all that. We've never talked about anything between us the way some people say they discuss the T relationship. Maybe mine doesn't believe in such thing. Maybe were not supposed to have a relationship at all.

There's just so much that comes across my mind that I can't open my mouth about. I never did tell her I lied to her (fretted about it in a post a few weeks ago). I feel like I'm failing at therapy because I'm clearly no good at any of this

I feel exactly like this.

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

But I also don't want to tell her. Because I don't want her to see how insecure I am.

THIS is why it's so important to tell her. Usually the things that come up in the relationship with T....insecurities, worrying about what the other people is thinking, being afraid they're mad, etc - are things that we struggle with in our relationships outside of therapy too.

Most of the healing I did with T came through working things out in our relationship...because the issues I struggled with with him WERE issues I struggled with in "the real world". I am so much more comfortable with other people now that I've worked through that stuff with him.

It doesn't have to be about "the relationship"...it can be about "my insecurities"...which is what brings so many people to therapy in the first place