[RoamingMind]

Yes, It's me again.

How did you handle the awkward feelings of changing therapist?
Right now I'm tempted just to not bother seeing one again.

I went for my visit with my last therapist, I let her know upfront and she did help point me to a new one. And gave some advice as far as who I should see next (That will be another future thread).

It felt so awkward though, after seeing her for 4 years there was not much warmth I felt from her. She may have given me a quick hug, I don't recall.
I was kind of shocked by her final reaction. She seemed to take it well during the session, and even mentioned how she had thought it might be time for a change for me before.

But once the session was over; and I must note that I disagreed with her recommendation as far as what type of T I should see next, she quickly wished me well and moved on as if nothing mattered.

I honestly expected more support than that considering the care she'd shown in the past, and the fact that she knew I was having a rough time.

There was no big hug, final well wishing and congrats for how far I'd come etc. It all felt kind of "cold". It was like "Damn, after all that time you say bye that quickly?"

The confusion I'm having is whether it was me or my perception, or if it was just her. I also got the sense that she was having trouble herself, it seemed like she was having trouble getting new clients. Maybe she didn't like what I said as far as why I was leaving. I was honest and very polite about it though.

Now the next part is finding someone new! It all is so damn awkward.
If I had my way I wouldn't have to deal with this ****. But that's not going to happen any time soon, simply because I never get my way.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by RoamingMind

there was not much warmth I felt from her. She may have given me a quick hug, I don't recall.

It does sound difficult and awkward for you, I commend you for going and doing the goodbye and asking for help with what sort of therapist to look for next, rather than just "quitting".

It sounds like you are not coming from a base within yourself though, are trying to have a foot in both camps; you claim there was not much warmth and yet you don't remember if she hugged you? Awkwardness is going to be there if you are trying to control distances and what you feel; you cannot control what you feel and trying to so you want the warmth but don't want to remember the hug, that push pull is where the awkwardness resides.

I don't know why you left this therapist after four years or what kind of therapist she recommended, that you disagreed with - you asked for her help and then rejected it; why should someone give their opinion, give of themselves/their point of view if you "argue" with it?

I remember a comedian who was talking about a test he took in 4th grade where the teacher phrased the question as "what, in your opinion, caused such-and-such" and then he got an "F". You cannot "fail" when your opinion is asked!

If you ask someone a question; their answer is their answer and one should thank the other and consider their answer and how it applies to you and how it informs you and what action you may or may not want to take on it. Presumably one asks a question because one does not know the answer so rejecting an answer someone else gives is probably because we don't "like" the answer and that, in and of itself, is interesting to me/tells me a lot about me.

[RoamingMind]

Originally Posted by Perna

It does sound difficult and awkward for you, I commend you for going and doing the goodbye and asking for help with what sort of therapist to look for next, rather than just "quitting".

It sounds like you are not coming from a base within yourself though, are trying to have a foot in both camps; you claim there was not much warmth and yet you don't remember if she hugged you? Awkwardness is going to be there if you are trying to control distances and what you feel; you cannot control what you feel and trying to so you want the warmth but don't want to remember the hug, that push pull is where the awkwardness resides.

I don't know why you left this therapist after four years or what kind of therapist she recommended, that you disagreed with - you asked for her help and then rejected it; why should someone give their opinion, give of themselves/their point of view if you "argue" with it?

I remember a comedian who was talking about a test he took in 4th grade where the teacher phrased the question as "what, in your opinion, caused such-and-such" and then he got an "F". You cannot "fail" when your opinion is asked!

If you ask someone a question; their answer is their answer and one should thank the other and consider their answer and how it applies to you and how it informs you and what action you may or may not want to take on it. Presumably one asks a question because one does not know the answer so rejecting an answer someone else gives is probably because we don't "like" the answer and that, in and of itself, is interesting to me/tells me a lot about me.

I didn't realize that. Yes I was disrespectful.
But she was discussing seeing a male therapist. She knows that I will compulsively lie if I feel uncomfortable.

[mixedup_emotions]

Wow, that sounds difficult. I'd imagine that my T would work hard to stay neutral and supportive of my decision, not allowing his feelings to get in the way....because it can stir up stuff in the client about wanting to take care of the T and being influenced to change their mind....or can lead to manipulation by the client (using quitting as a way to hear what you've wanted to hear)....

After all, you just left her because she isn't working for you. I would suspect she was just honoring your wish to leave and remaining as neutral as possible so as to not influence you in any way. High fiving and hugs are definitely not neutral.

[RoamingMind]

Her staying neutral does make a lot of sense now that I think about it.
I don't know, I guess, I second guess. Thanks though.

Originally Posted by RoamingMind

Her staying neutral does make a lot of sense now that I think about it.
I don't know, I guess, I second guess. Thanks though.

I am struggling with the same thing. However my situation is a bit different in that after 8 months of hard work and success, my T is leaving to go to another practice. I thought we would be able to make a kind of smooth transition but as of today I get the feeling she has already checked out emotionally and dealing with other things.
I dont know what to do now in that I dont have anyone IRL to talk to and I am having a rough time.
When I initially caught on that she was leaving I felt horrible. But I got through and decided to push on and have a proper good bye.
Now though I realize it is up to me to find someone else and to trust myself enough that I will find another good T.
Every T is different I guess in how they go about termination.
What helps me a little is that my T told me EVERYONE (even our Ts) have at least 2 dx! That is why our Ts have their own Ts!

Maybe ours are struggling with their own dx saying good bye.

((((Rose))))!,

[RoamingMind]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I am struggling with the same thing. However my situation is a bit different in that after 8 months of hard work and success, my T is leaving to go to another practice. I thought we would be able to make a kind of smooth transition but as of today I get the feeling she has already checked out emotionally and dealing with other things.
I dont know what to do now in that I dont have anyone IRL to talk to and I am having a rough time.
When I initially caught on that she was leaving I felt horrible. But I got through and decided to push on and have a proper good bye.
Now though I realize it is up to me to find someone else and to trust myself enough that I will find another good T.
Every T is different I guess in how they go about termination.
What helps me a little is that my T told me EVERYONE (even our Ts) have at least 2 dx! That is why our Ts have their own Ts!

Maybe ours are struggling with their own dx saying good bye.

((((Rose))))!,

Thank you. What's a dx?

Originally Posted by RoamingMind

Thank you. What's a dx?

Hi Roam. Diagnosis. I hope you are feeling a bit better

[learning1]

Was your last session the first time you brought up the possibility of changing therapists to her? You seem to imply that maybe she was hurt or disappointed since you said maybe she's having trouble getting clients. Maybe she didn't think it was a good idea for you to switch. idk. My t was trying to get me to leave and at the last session he said, you've opened up a lot in here so celebrate that. Maybe they're more likely to be warm if they want you to leave so you'll feel confident and not come back. If they're ambiguously cold, maybe you'll feel things are unresolved and come back. You sound sure of yourself with moving on though. If that's how you feel, I'd not think about her too much.

[RoamingMind]

Originally Posted by learning1

Was your last session the first time you brought up the possibility of changing therapists to her? You seem to imply that maybe she was hurt or disappointed since you said maybe she's having trouble getting clients. Maybe she didn't think it was a good idea for you to switch. idk. My t was trying to get me to leave and at the last session he said, you've opened up a lot in here so celebrate that. Maybe they're more likely to be warm if they want you to leave so you'll feel confident and not come back. If they're ambiguously cold, maybe you'll feel things are unresolved and come back. You sound sure of yourself with moving on though. If that's how you feel, I'd not think about her too much.

Yes, I'm feeling better

In the past year she had suggested that it may be time for a change,
maybe it also had to do with her recognizing that my needs were changing. I had attempted suicide last year. And honestly, I still don't feel anything about it (suicide). But yes, I'm set on it all and not going back. For now I'm not seeing anybody. Soon I'll probably have to though, and I don't like that fact.

I'm still conflicted about seeing a male therapist, I just don't feel like I've seen any that I can relate too or feel comfortable with. It's not as if I have unresolved problems with men. I get along with my father okay, which is a big change compared to years ago, when I used to hate him.

[SeaSalt]

I cant imagine starting over with a new T after years, or even months. It reminds me too much of a "real" relationship. Starting over......dating....do you like spaghetti? Do you have siblings? Now that its sunk in what I've told T, I dont know that I could spill it all again to someone new.

Originally Posted by SeaSalt

I cant imagine starting over with a new T after years, or even months. It reminds me too much of a "real" relationship. Starting over......dating....do you like spaghetti? Do you have siblings? Now that its sunk in what I've told T, I dont know that I could spill it all again to someone new.

hah! I never thought of it that way

[RoamingMind]

Originally Posted by SeaSalt

I cant imagine starting over with a new T after years, or even months. It reminds me too much of a "real" relationship. Starting over......dating....do you like spaghetti? Do you have siblings? Now that its sunk in what I've told T, I dont know that I could spill it all again to someone new.

YES! YOU WIN A PRIZE! (Sorry, wish it were true)

Perfect way to say it. Minus the fact that my relationships never go anywhere, but that's my curse.

Yes, it's all very awkward.