[healed84]

I showed up for my appointment with T today.. He brought me in to his office and he said, can I asked you a big favor? I was like what? He said do you mind if we reschedule this appointment until Friday? I was caught off guard.

I really, really, didn't want to say that was fine. I wanted to stay.. I have been having a rough time, and as a matter of fact at last weeks appointment we agreed to everyother week appointments, but things got rough again, I talked to him and he said for me to come in today(this was last wed).. All he said was because of some stuff that happend today, he wouldn't be good for me today, something along that lines. So, really did I have a choice to say no?

Oh and can I tell you the emotions it triggered in me? I was already upset with my husband for calling him b/c I was upset about the doctor's appointment I had just had and he was completley not there for me.. Distant, not paying attention, and hung up the phone b/c somebody walked into his office, but didn't bother to call me back. Then, I get into T's office and he says that he can't have my appointment today.. Way to go people in my life that I need for them to be there for me and they are not. And.. it makes me feel even more little when I know that he wasn't going home or anything, he just picked my appointment to cancel. GRRR..

Maybe I just needed to vent!

Vent away. Sounds like something happened to really shake him up and he was taking care of himself, which is good modeling, and taking care of you, knowing he wasn't in the right shape or mind to be there in the way he knows he needs to be there for you.

If he had gone ahead with the session and fumbled through it not really being present and fully attentive to you, would that have been better?

Sorry it happened. Go right ahead and vent away. Just remember he was doing what in his best judgement was best for himself AND for you at the moment. That IS being there for you, just not in the way you would prefer.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Vent away. Sounds like something happened to really shake him up and he was taking care of himself, which is good modeling, and taking care of you, knowing he wasn't in the right shape or mind to be there in the way he knows he needs to be there for you.

If he had gone ahead with the session and fumbled through it not really being present and fully attentive to you, would that have been better?

Sorry it happened. Go right ahead and vent away. Just remember he was doing what in his best judgement was best for himself AND for you at the moment. That IS being there for you, just not in the way you would prefer.

I know somewhere in my rational thoughts I agree with you Chris.. lol. I can see all of those things as being good and the right thing to do for himself. I think what I get hung up on is the fact that he cancelled my appointment, but kept the rest of his. I know probably that it was just where my appointment fell in the craziness of what happened today, but I guess I am taking that personally. Oh well, I will get over it and it will be all good.

[WikidPissah]

aw healed. That sux. Murphy's Law...if t has to cancel, it's going to be on a day where you REALLY needed it.

[kiki86]

i'm a bit confused, how do you know he kept his other appointments?

I'm very sensitive to rejection, and this would have stung. To actually get there, and then not be able to stay. Ouch. Especially with my daddy issues - talk about being pushed away! I agree with the other posters that he probably did the right thing, but I would still be feeling the emotions like you did. Venting is good. The emotions are there, justified or not. But if he had gone ahead and had the session, it could have been kind of a disaster if he wasn't really there for you. You probably would have sensed it and then wondered what YOU did to cause it, etc etc. Just sending a hug and I hope the next session makes up for it.

[eskielover]

Ah, this is a very perfect example of DBT's wise mind processing......T says he needs to cancel & reschedule on Friday.....emotional mind really gets hurt, feels rejected, hurt & abandoned by those you need around you for the support you were so desperately needing at that point in time.

Step back, look at the big picture & T's side of the picture as Chris explained.......allows the rational mind to start working & seeing the whole picture rather than just your emotional mind's thinking.....&

Radical acceptance.....appointment changed to Friday & logical thinking.....He was definitely not going to be all there for your appointment to give you the support you really needed so what he did was best for him & also for you.

The emotions you felt were definitely valid for the situation.....know we all feel some disappointment & hurt when things don't go as we need them to especially when we are having a bad day to start with.....but sometimes we just have to accept what is & make the best of it & know in our logical mind that it's really the best thing for the time & you will be able to make it until Friday.....it's only a few days away now.

Sorry it happened....I know that the stress is causes & it's a bit short notice when you were already at the office....usually they give the same respect that they expect from us......24 hrs notice It's not like he does this all the time....so at least you don't have a real flaky T that you are dealing with.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by kiki86

i'm a bit confused, how do you know he kept his other appointments?

I suppose that is just an assumption, but he never mentioned he was going home, just that he wanted to reschedule my appointment. I can draw conculsions based on a convo I heard his receptionist have when I was in the waiting room, but even still I suppose it is all assumptions.

Could be that he's handling an emergency situation with another client that is time urgent (like hospitalization or something). No telling. Emergencies being what they are don't tend to happen at convenient times.

I'd inquire as to what came up when you see him next. He may not be able to say very specifically, but he'll probably be able to give you enough of a vague idea to ease your mind a bit.

I think eskie is spot-on when describing this situation from a DBT perspective.
I also agree with a lot of what Chris is saying. In order for your T to help you he has to help himself, as well. If your T isn't at his best, his mind is preoccupied, or there are other circumstances going on that prevent him from giving you his full attention, then it was probably for the best that he rescheduled for a later date.

I think this situation says a lot about your T. It sounds like he cares about the quality of service that he gives to you. I think the decision was made in your best interest, but I can definitely see how it triggered you.

It might be a good idea to bring this up the next time you see him and let him know how it affected you.

[kiki86]

i was just going to say what farmer girl said. i think that's a fairly likely situation.

i remember a few years back i was seeing a t and i completely lost my **** in session and ended up staying with her for about 3 hours. i didn't think about it at the time but she must have had to cancel at least one patient at the last minute.

challenge your initial thoughts!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by healed84

Should I have said "No?"

No, I think you did the right thing by graciously understanding your T's inability to have your appointment on Friday and leaving without a fuss. You did the mature thing. If T is so upset about something that happened, he's not going to be a good therapist for you that day. Sometimes stuff like this just happens. Hopefully, you can reschedule soon.

[TwinkleBell]

If T is a good therapist it will have been something unavoidable that happened. Also, sometimes it can be quite revealing how one reacts to this "rejection", may well highlight stuff that you need to take back into the therapy.

healed, i don't know about you, but i would have been crushed.

the whole logical mind. ya, t probably wasn't in a good space to help you. i don't think phrasing it "can I ask you a favor?". that implies you have the choice to say "no"...

i know this is more me and my situation. and i think you were very gracious to say okay.
i don't know if i would have been as calm and understanding as you were.

[Crescent Moon]

It hurts when something like that happens. I think most people in long-term therapy have probably run into something like it. I sure have. But it really does feel terrible - especially when you're already there, you made the trip. And even more especially when you're struggling with something - because an incident like this can amplify it.

That said, I think you should talk to him about all of it when you see him next.