i want my T

((((Granite)))) you are not being a bother at all. We are here for each other good times and not such good times. I am so glad you posted.

You can call T. You can reach out for help. You are not alone.

I am so sorry this is happening and that you are in pain.

Please be gentle and good to yourself. You matter a lot.

Hugs
Rose

I am sorry to hear about the aunt.
I don't think it is so much your therapist won't take the pain away - but that she simply cannot. I realize that distinction does not really help with the pain itself, which is still a ***** to have to feel. And that is not fun.

my husband is insisting i go to the clinic to see a doc.i guess i dont have a choice.i hate that place

Granite
I am so sorry you are in such HELL right now. It's not a good place to be. I just wanted to offer my support. I know it's not much but I am here if you need me. You aren't so far from me, if you want the link to the trauma program I am doing I will give it to you.

Please take care of you. Your son does still need you.

granite, why don't you do this thru your T, instead of going into a new place cold? or is this what her plan with you is? aren't you kind of acting out if you don't at least call her to let her know what you're doing?

I think HAnkster has a good point Granite. At least give her a call and see what her perspective is on this.

How are you feeling today Granite?

Granite,

I'm so sorry that your family is so hurtful! You're a beautiful person, and you don't deserve this at all! Please stay safe and know that there are alot of us here at PC that care about you alot! Please consider contacting your t for support.

how are you getting on today?

hi I'm back my husband brought me to the clinic and it was my NPso at least she knows me and wasnt going to pump me up with drugs.she did give me some atavan to help me calm down and sleep tonight but other then that as long as i wasnt going to harm myself(i ididn't) it was ok for me to go home and see my T. am a lot calmer and tired because i didn't sleep at all last night and only some the night before.thanks for all you the suport you guys have given me my family sucks and i do just need to deal with that but it hurts

thanks from me to for being here with me .i know im not so easy to deal with and i'm sorry

good question hank and as i was sitting in the room they put me in waiting for the doc i was kind of thinking the same thing wishing i had called my T instead.

it seems the more upset i get the more i completely push her and the idea of her away from me.the SEE i can deal with this myself crap .i dont need you.i think i am terrified of the fact that i may need or or heaven forbid may even just want her help.i dont want her to see that at all because i dont want her to hate me or think i am more dificult then i am.i dont want her to kick me to the curb. i guess this is why i dont want to care so much.if i didnt care i would call her.i know this all sounds stupid but that is it i think

i know things are still painful but it seems like you're a little calmer so that is good. i hope you continue to feel better. thinking of you!

i am calmer but i still keep crying but not as much.i think that is what drives my husband crazy is the crying

i doubt i will ever tell her about this either.i never told her about the last time i freaked like this.i just dont want her mad at me

I think it is natural for us to question, how can a T help? because we never got that kind of help before, we only got aggravation and pain. And for an aunt to do this - a female relative - is just a double trigger. my T used to tell me to call him and I would just look at him and say, whY? what good can you do? how will that help? like does he think he's magic or something? it's just not in our vocabulary that someone else would help us. it's just not. but that's why we end up in T, because that's not natural. even mama monkeys help baby monkeys. just not ours. is your h still home? can you ask him to do the the absent mother holding exercise with you? but soft and cuddly, not too tight, not like your schools.

p.s. and if you don't tell her, how can she help you? she WANTS to help you, but she needs all the info.

As bad as this sounds granite, I think T's LOVE IT when we finally get to the point where we not only want to share what's happened with them, but actually do share it with them. It becomes a bonding experience for both the client and the T- and gives the T invaluable insight into what's happening in your world and in your head. That's when T can really start to step forward and help you. I think until that happens, many TY's feel frustrated because they don't know how to help because we don't/can't talk.

I can remember my T saying to me, "Talk to me. " or "You don't talk to me or tell me anything" which just wasn't true. I was talking to her and telling her things, but T's have a different, deeper meaning to the word talk and it wasn't until I actually said something that I thought was so inconsequential it didn't even need to be said, that I suddenly realized what T meant when she's say "talk to me'.

Oh! And you are no bother to me girlie. Not one little bit.

I second that emotion!