[scilence]

Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong or offer anything that might help?
I have been seeing my T since April. This is the first time I have seen someone like this. I am the one everyone comes to to unload on.
It's different being the one needing help. My T keeps telling me she wants me to focus on feelings. I have thought about this and thought about this all day after my appointment today... Now I have a headache! This is a lot harder than I thought...

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by scilence

This is a lot harder than I thought...

LOL That's why there's a whole website!

It will take time to recognise your feelings let alone embrace them Silence. Have you though about keeping a journal and everytime you feel a strong emotion like, anger or sadness write down everything you feel and why you feel it (you might not know why or understand them) but by keeping a feelings journal/diary they might become clearer
Sometimes you can get overwhelmed by them and get headaches so its best not to dwell too much on them sometimes like I do and have a 24 hour headache

Silence, I used to do exactly what Button just suggested. I would just make a list. And no matter what I felt at a particular moment, I would write it. At first I would just list them. like a time log. "Sad at 10:30am. Angry at 12:00PM" , etc. I would just write the day and where I was. Then T and I would pick it apart and try to see if we could find where it was coming from. Triggers and such. After a while, it was like a science and I was able to figure it out on my own and no longer needed to log it. It takes time.

Originally Posted by scilence

Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong or offer anything that might help?
I have been seeing my T since April. This is the first time I have seen someone like this. I am the one everyone comes to to unload on.
It's different being the one needing help. My T keeps telling me she wants me to focus on feelings. I have thought about this and thought about this all day after my appointment today... Now I have a headache! This is a lot harder than I thought...

That a lot of thoughts! Just kidding.... I have the same issue its very hard for me to let go of the thinking and focus on the feelings... When I told my T I was having difficulty figuring out what if anything I was feeling... we started out sessions with talking about a feeling...so we started a session talking about a time I was angry... or a time I was afraid ...or a time I was sad... This helped me to talk about a lot of very upsetting emotional things that I could talk and think about in robot mode but didn't do too well letting myself feel when discussing... seemed like instead of just talking about an incident...and then talking about how i felt it was easier for me to talk about how I felt and then talk about an incident...

Just a thought..

[Perna]

Originally Posted by scilence

My T keeps telling me she wants me to focus on feelings. I have thought about this

That's what you are doing "wrong" (there is not right/wrong about therapy); you are trying to think about feeling! You feel feelings, you don't think about them. How about feeling your thoughts? You end up with a headache when you do that

Originally Posted by Perna

That's what you are doing "wrong" (there is not right/wrong about therapy); you are trying to think about feeling! You feel feelings, you don't think about them. How about feeling your thoughts? You end up with a headache when you do that

But Perna, how is anybody supposed to be able to talk about feelings in therapy (or outside it) if they don't think about them?

[SoupDragon]

Hi Scilence, I have been seeing my T since March 2010 and am only just starting to recognise my feelings - for a long while I denied having any. I'm not saying it will take this long for you, but what I do know is the harder you try and think about it and force it the more difficult it can become.

My T recommended a book called Focusing to me early on - it made no sense to me at all and I only read a couple of pages. I have picked it up again recently and it is starting to make a little more sense.

I can relate to what you write about helping everyone else - my T is now starting to get me to focus on my needs and doesn't buy it when I say I have none - I think the two may be connected.

You're not doing anything wrong, I think it just takes time and patience. Soup

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

But Perna, how is anybody supposed to be able to talk about feelings in therapy (or outside it) if they don't think about them?

You don't talk "about" feelings in therapy, you express them, as you are feeling them!

"I feel really anxious when we talk about my stepmother's anger".

"It hurts when I remember my father leaving me with a neighbor when I was four. I knew he was never coming back and when my crying did not convince him to stay/take me with him, I gave up; I feel like something broke then".

"I shut down last week when you yelled at me. I have been thinking about what you said and was hurt and angry that you were criticizing me but then realized that you were trying to warn me, show me how my behavior, if I do not change it (instead of doing the "same thing I always do"), could hurt our work here."

"I like it when you say that (whatever), it makes me feel good."

Outside of therapy we acknowledge what we are feeling to ourselves and use that information (along with our thinking about the situation -- not the feeling!) to help us decide on what action(s) we want to take.

You don't talk "about" feelings in therapy, you express them, as you are feeling them!

This makes no sense to me now, but maybe it will To me, all your examples are "talking about feelings", and would definitely require thought beforehand. Especially if you are going to talk about what happened in a previous session.

[scilence]

Thank you all so much for! I get now what my T is telling me. It didn't make sense to me before. I answered the questions that she asked.. Then when she said something about feelings I was like what??? What does this woman want!??! Now, I get it! Thanks again!!!