Desperate For Help

I am desperate for help...please, anyone out there willing to read this..

Some of you know, but those who don't. Long story short-My H lost his job in April. In the interim, H applied for unemployment and after an appeal by his ex employers -he got denied as they proved just cause for termination. H's job going away also meant INSURANCE going away.

My T tried giving me a sliding scale fee, which I still can't afford. I seen her once since this all happened.. Last week was the appt. I was scared, because I thought she would be mad that I text her a lot, but she was fine with it. At that appt, I set up one for next week, but with all the bad news we got, I told her to cancel it, then asked her to hold it, then yesterday asked her to cancel it again. She wrote back that her door is always open in the future. I got upset, because I never said in my text that I was quitting therapy and I told her that. Then I asked her if I could just move the appt to the following week-but she will be away, . So I then asked her if I can have the other appt back but its already been filled. She did however give me one for next week on Thursday at 8pm-so not all is lost. I guess what I'm worried about is that I know I must of drove her batty last night with not being able to make decisions. She has been very "clinical" lately. Not as warm as she used to be. Since she sent that text assuming I was quitting, I feel thrown out. Replaced. Like she never cared to begin with. I am just desperate for help. For T to help. I need to find low cost or free care, but in my area, no care is better than what the community health centers offer. I don't what is wrong with me that I need my T this bad. It hurts and I am at a loss.

i feel really bad for you. i wish i could help but i know nothing about the american health care system. i hope someone else can give you advice on that. it seems like you're going through a really tough time. but don't panic just yet. your T might have misunderstood you but you are still seeing her thursday week so you can discuss those things with her. maybe she will know a low cost place you can get help?

(((TTGB))) You have been thru so much over the past few months. It is no wonder you are hurting, and this makes you super sensitive to rejection. When everything else is bad in our lives we assume there can be no good thing, I do it all the time.

When your T said "her door was always open" I think that she was encouraging you, telling you she actually wasn't quitting but was there when you could go. See how it can be looked at differently? At least that's my take. You do need more support right now, so please look into all your options.

Thinking of you, and hoping for your husband to find new employment quickly.

Oh, Trying, how hard for you! I would do as you have been doing and write out everything and see if you can get a distance from it so it is just problems-to-be-solved (PTBS) instead of feeling so like a crisis. If you cannot pay for T, T cannot see you and I think the maybe coming maybe not problem you experienced last night is worse for you than T; T does have lots of people she sees and others who might want an appointment, and her business and personal life to conduct, but that is not about whether she would like to see you or not, about whether she cares for you. It is just not possible the way things are.

You will see her next Thursday night? See if you can work on writing up your PTBS; even if he was fired, your husband is still eligible for his insurance, http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/pdf/cobraemployee.pdf so have him look into that and see if you all can put that into your budget. Even if you cannot afford to continue insurance for that long; it is probably already paid for August, you can see T when she gets back from vacation? Find out, do some money crunching with your husband, I am sure you all are doing that anyway with this new work problem.

You and T can work to come up with a plan for you next Thursday, she may know of a colleague who has an opening at lower cost or maybe you all can come up with a self-help plan where you see her less often to "check in", kind of like a self study or sabbatical plan in college. I did some of my best therapy work when T was away (she use to go back to her native country for 6-8 weeks+ at a time a couple times a year). Or you can treat it like it is college and save up a little each month for it for a year or two from now; keep doing some work on your own so when you "start" you are further along next time. I did that too, saw T for some years, had to quit because I moved and changed jobs and it was too far away and then I started again almost 10 years later and the second time was worth the work and wait in between!

Have you looked at private insurance yet? You're self employed and there are some plans out there for self employed people. And the insurance situation will hopefully be improving more after August when certain provisions of the insurance reform plan kick in.

Thanks everyone. I really need to look into the insurance stuff. It's all been so hard-dealing with lawyers, not having T, H unmotivated to find a job even though we are flat broke. And now on top of it-I'm scared I'm driving T away. What is wrong with me that I can't go a day without texting her? Like I want to text her to say sorry for bugging you so much-but I know that would not be wise. Perna-the way you describe as problems to be solved instead of a crisis-is very useful. Because that's why I've been in since April- a crisis mode. Maybe I do just need to view it as a problem instead.
Cobra would be $400 a month-I don't have that kind of money.

MKAC-thanks for the advice about the insurance. Call me stupid but I can't comprehend what it all means. I wonder if I can get insurance where I can pay just a little bit each month. I not sure how it all works.

Wiki thank you for your support in the midst of the crap you got going on. You are wonderful and I hope you can see that.

Kiki-thanks. I plan ti be very honest with T when I see her next week.

TTGB, I really cant add anything other then I am thinking about you and I hope your H can get it together soon to help you.

You can get monthly payment plan for insurance. I'm not sure how much lower you can than $400 a month, at least not without a giant deductible and that doesn't really help you. I bet you qualify for public assistance, though, if your husband isn't working. Have you checked? Our state has something called 'Health Wave' for low income families.

Thanks. I guess I can start by looking on the state of NJ health and human services to find info.

I still need help what to do with the fear that I messed things up with T. Should I just not contact her anymore until my session next week? Not even to say sorry?

Oops. No clue there. I am not allowed to text or email. Well, I have emailed, but only under really limited circumstances. So. I dunno.

If it was me, I would try not to text until I saw her and clarified the text thing and the fears around texting.
Texting to say sorry for texting is still more texting.
If she told you it was okay to text, then perhaps text her something like "Can we discuss x at the appointment because it is worrying me."

FWIW, I don't think there is a wrong choice you can make as far as the T is concerned. Would it make you feel better to contact her and apologise, or would you feel that you were bugging her more? (I'm not saying you have been bugging her. She did tell you she was fine with your frequent texts before, remember.)

Please try not to read too much into T's choice of words in her texts. It is so easy to interpret emails and text messages the worst possible way, when there are much less negative, and equally likely interpretations. Talk to her about it when you see her.

Thanks everyone. Guess the DBT needs to come into play here. Emotion mind is so loud now but I know it's wise to just give it some space and not text her. Just tell her everything when I see her. I am just so triggered by termination. I know it's my abandonment issues. I think I'll redirect all my thoughts to my journal and maybe bring that in.