[Radford]

My therapist does not like me. At first,she seemed very eager to please me but later on,it became obvious that she doesn't really like me.I can tell by the way she talks to me that she doesn't like my presence.I kept going to her thinking that maybe in time,she will begin to like me.I was wrong.Everytime I go to her place,there are butterflies in my stomach.I took this to mean that there really is something wrong between us.I finally decided to stop this therapy because I've realized that IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOUR THERAPIST LIKES YOU,otherwise it would be a disaster.

[(JD)]

<font color="blue"> Welcome to PC ogie. Yes, you are right it's very important that a T likes you enough to help you. But I think we all get butterflies in our stomach, at least some of the time!

Did you happen to tell the T this, that you felt she didn't like you? It would have been a good therapy topic, imo. How recently did you quit? Did you know it's very common for a patient to think this, while on the way to healing? Sometimes the mind tells us this to try and stop the therapy from proceeding (or from going so fast!)

I hope you can work this out with her, or feel strong enough to find someone you feel does like you enough to help. TC!

[cherybery]

Welcome to PC Ogie!
Is this the first therapist you have seen? I have broke off with therapist in the past just because I felt like the way we interacted with one another was something I just did not feel right about. Like I felt I could not open up too them honestly. I think even though therapy is definitely nerve wracking at times all in all you need too be comfortable. I do agree with Sky about maybe telling her how you feel but I think it is equally important that if you no longer see her too find another since it can take so long to get in as a new patient.
HUGS
Cher

[LMo]

Welcome Ogie - I definitely know what you mean about the importance of a therapist liking you. The last time my husband was severely depressed, he wasn't "himself" and wasn't giving people much reason to like him. Our T at the time did her best but really just wasn't cut out for a case like his. We found a new T who is just wonderful and she has a unique ability to find the good in each of us, and celebrates it during each visit. We love her and she has made a humongous difference in my H's treatment.

Good luck to you,
LMo

Im sorry you feel this way
in my 20 year experience with therapy and having 19 therapy professionals over the years I have had many therapists that I felt 100% sure that they did not like me but I recieved the best from them just like I do with those that did and do like me.

Therapists work with many types of people with many types of problems so they have been trained not to bring their personal opinions in to the sessions. Theey are trained to focus on the problems that the client brings into the sessions.

One of the first things that happens during the first few sessions in therapy is the therapist and the client talking about why the client feels they need to be in therapy, what they hope to get out of therapy and goals are set around the problems that the client has and ways the client can accomplish the goals. no where in those first sessions do the client and the therapist talk to each other about if they like each other or not. those sessions are focused solely on the client their problems and what they hope to get out of therapy. Then in the following sessions the therapist job is to make sure the set goals get worked on by challenging the client to look at all sides of the problem so the client can make choices that will better their life and funtion level.

Many times while therapists were making me look at things I would rather have not talked about, I thought "this therapist is no good, she's not doing what I want, all she's doing is picking at me, she just doesn't like me"

One day I actually asked JEH (one of my counselors) "why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you to make you hate me like this?"

Her answer way I care very much about you which is why I spend all this time pushing you to be and do your best"

Thats when I realized my therapist job isn't to like and please me. Why pay mega bucks for someone to please me when I can get that for free from my friends.

From that day on even when I felt a therapist hated me I knew they were just doing their job and if they were not any good at their job they would not be making me feel and think about things.

[LILITH]

Welcome to PC Ogie......I think you will like it here it is a fun place....for me....caring, safe and I am making some good friendships.

I feel you must have a T you can trust, and that you feel comfortable with.

Lilith

[Hopefull]

If you are uncomfortable with a T, feel free to change Ts. However, try to consider the possibility that he/she is just trying to make you look at something that is painful. I found my first one to be overly blunt. But, I put up with it because she made me think and reconsider my views on that particular area of childhood. I still find myself playing with some of the talks that I had with her. I almost miss her bluntness. She seemed to find my hiden dysfunctional side rather than my public dysfunctional side.
Give a different T a try and see what happens.

[ErinBear]

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you had this experience - it sounds so painful. Did you try talking with your counselor about your feelings, and ask what might be going wrong in the relationship? I hope you tried to talk with them before you left. I agree with you that it is really important to have a good connection with the counselor. My current counselor said they've done research in recent years - and the #1 predictor of healing in therapy isn't any one kind of therapy, or any of the other variables they studied. It's the personal relationship the client is able to form with the counselor, and how well they connect. It's sure been true in the relationship I have with my counselor now, and when it's not a good connection, like you describe, it makes it hard for good work to happen. I hope you can try again and find a counselor with whom you can have a better working relationship.

Thinking of you -

Take care,
ErinBear

[Radford]

My therapist told me:"I've seen it already.I've seen it already." (I can see the irritation on her face.It shows.)when I showed her a picture of an MTF transsexual.For one thing,she is not a gender therapist.This is the kind of therapist that is most appropriate for my type of situation-a gender therapist and she is NOT a gender therapist in the first place!
I just kept on seeing her because I cannot find a gender therapist in my country and I kept thinking that an inappropriate therapist is better than no therapist at all. Sad situation,isn't it?

[Venus]

Hope you manage to find a good therapist Ogi.If they are maming you feel worse then they are not doing their job IMo

take Care

Claire xx

[Radford]

To:ErinBear
Yes,indeed it is a very painful experience for me.In the mean time,I do not intend to see a new therapist because there are really no good therapists in our place.I live in the Philippines and most practitioners here practice general psychiatry or general psychology.There are no specializations.I am not belittling them when I say that they are not very good.I am just telling the truth.Most of the good therapists are in other countries but ,at present,I do not have the financial resources to go to those countries.I am sometimes thinking of online psychotherapy but I am having second thoughts because I want a face-to-face conversation/interaction.But the way things are right now,maybe I really have to contend myself to not-so-good therapists that are practicing in my country.

[Radford]

To:ErinBear
Hi!
Yes,indeed it is a very painful experience for me.But I do not intend to see a new therapist because there are no good therapists in our place.I am not belittling the therapists in our country when I say that they are not really very good.I am just telling the truth.Therapists here practice general psychiatry or general psychology.There are no specializations.Sometimes,I am thinking of going into online psychotherapy but I am having second thoughts because I want an actual face-to-face conversation/interaction.I live in the Philippines and many of the good therapists are in other countries.I want to travel to those countries but I can't because at present I lack the financial resources to do so.

[ErinBear]

Hi Ogie,

I read some of your other messages here. It sounds like a really painful situation, and I'm so sorry that it has been so difficult with your therapist. I don't know what the therapy situation is like in the Phillipines. Here where I live (in the USA) we have therapists such as psychologists and psychiatrists, as you mentioned. We also have marriage and family counselors available, who go through a training process and have degrees and certification, but can't, for instance, prescribe medication if needed. Are such counselors available in your country? There are also other kinds of mental health workers here - social workers and others - who have varying levels of expertise and backgrounds. I'm thinking that you may still be able to find people who can provide support to you, and maybe even better support, if you are willing to try a different kind of professional. At least here in the US, sometimes it seems like the counselors really are better at talking with people and providing support, if that is what you are seeking - and sometimes the psychiatrists and psychologists aren't as good at that....why, I don't know.

I'm also wondering if there are any support groups there for LGBT folks, or any resource centers there. We have some groups here which offer support. If there are support groups in your area, even though that's not an ideal solution, it may be a place where you could meet with others for support, and possibly also get a referral to a counselor or mental health professional who could help you. If they have a phone line, that might be another idea to get a referral. A group might have information on mental health professionals who are more caring and supportive for people who are in your position.

I'm just so sorry that your therapist has not been more supportive - it sounds really, really hard. My thoughts are with you -

Take care,
ErinBear

[Rapunzel]

Erin mentioned that counselors can seem to be better at talking with people and providing support than psychologists and psychiatrists. There is a point to that, and one that might be important to your situation, Ogie. Counselors as a profession operate from a wellness model and draw from positive psychology. They are trained to view whatever challenges you have as developmental, as opposed to pathological. Traditionally, psychologists and psychiatrists use the illness model, where they look for what is wrong so they can fix it. There are plenty of exceptions though.

I was going to suggest considering online counseling because you can find someone with an appropriate specialty more easily that way. But I see that you have already thought of that. It's not quite the same as f2f counseling. I've done both, and probably will provide both after I graduate.

Rap

[(JD)]

And if you don't do online therapy, why not just online support group? We can help support you if you continue to post here, but finding a group for your main dx might help you too!