[rainbow8]

I feel sad and depressed about my session tomorrow. There's a lot I can work on but it all seems so overwhelming. I just cried a little because there's a loss of connection when I don't email my T. I knew that she read them. Now there is nothing until my session each week. I'm coping; it's just hard.

[missbelle]

I care...!!!!!!!!

[delicatefade26]

Hang in there rainbow you are doing great!! It is definitely tough to go from emailing in between and feeling that connection of knowing she reads them to not...but you are strong and growing through this process-all a part of the journey : )

[rainbow_rose]

I totally understand this, rainbow. i understand how hard this is. it's new for you. however, growth is happening and this is a good thing.

lots of hugs.

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by missbelle

I care...!!!!!!!!

I just have to say I took about 5 min longer than necessary to post my comment because I was watching the cat in your signature-it's hypnotic-and I love it : )

[Wren_]

is there another way you can hang on to the connection without it involving the emails?

[rainbow8]

Thanks, everyone. I like that cat too!

tigergirl, I could read the emails I have for the year or so that my T answered them but that kind of defeats the purpose of not thinking about her so much. I'm trying to make her "not so important". I know the connection is still there. I can think about her smile but then I get sad because I worry that I like her smile too much. I'm trying to find the middle ground. I'm going to try to work hard on ME tomorrow but I still have to accept the part that has this HUGE crush on T.

[Wren_]

that's a hard one ... retaining the connection but in a healthier way

[Butterflies Are Free]

What about writing letters to your T in your journal? I used to do that when my T was on vacation. I never gave them to her, I was just writing them for myself.

[Dreamy01]

Yes hard to have your sense of connection taken away I wonder if you could talk to t about finding other ways of feeling connected? I'm not sure how when you feel the need for something concrete which email provides especially now you know what you're missing. My former t didn't have email so I didn't know I didn't have it, but current t does and it helps although don't do it often. Does your t allow you to phone her in an emergency? Can you write stuff down rather than send to t? I did this while my former t was on a break and it really helped.

[Hope-Full]

I have never had the privilege of emailing T, but I can imagine it would be hard to stop once you've started. What Butterflies said, about writing letters to your T? I do that when I need to feel connected to her. I write her a letter in my journal telling her what I want to tell her, and then often times I'll spend some time afterward thinking about what she would say to me. If I can't come up with an answer, I might share part of that letter with T the next time I see her, and get her answer. Overall, though, I do find just the act of writing to T very helpful in staying connected.

Rainbow - you're doing such hard work and it is SO healthy for you to not have that instant email connection - that quick fix, so to speak. Each week that you go through without emailing will make it a little bit easier and soon you'll feel so much stronger!

[Perna]

When I decided to quit writing my T, I tried to start anticipating (with pleasure) the actual being with her and talking with her and how I was going to use and enjoy that. You know how you look forward to something you want?

Granted, I started a new journal for myself/my eyes only to document the "test" of not writing her (I arbitrarily decided to test it out for 4 weeks or 6, or a couple months, something like that) and then, with her going to be away for the next two weeks (making the test even bigger), that session I left my new journal in the office when I left! LOL, talk about unsubtle hints from my unconscious. She saw, found it, and kept it for me, of course, and we talked about it when she got back; a warm, fun, funny discussion. She said she had been uncertain what to do with it, since she was going away, where to put it so she'd remember to bring it when she got back.

[Luce]

I'm glad you are coping with your feelings of loss about the email situation. Feeling sad and depressed about things we lose is hard - it is natural and normal, but hard. Embrace these feelings! You lost something that you enjoyed and liked, and you are grieving for them. Those feelings of loss are not something that you need to 'fix'. This is where you are, and this is what you feel right now, and the feelings are the normal and expected reaction to the loss of something we want or need.

Remember that after the pain comes acceptance, and peace.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

What about writing letters to your T in your journal? I used to do that when my T was on vacation. I never gave them to her, I was just writing them for myself.

I could do that. For now, I sort of decided to post in the Dear T thread in the forum but I may switch to a journal when I can. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Dreamy01

Yes hard to have your sense of connection taken away I wonder if you could talk to t about finding other ways of feeling connected? I'm not sure how when you feel the need for something concrete which email provides especially now you know what you're missing. My former t didn't have email so I didn't know I didn't have it, but current t does and it helps although don't do it often. Does your t allow you to phone her in an emergency? Can you write stuff down rather than send to t? I did this while my former t was on a break and it really helped.

Thanks, Dreamy. My T would rather I don't call her but if it were a real emergency I can email or call. It helps for me to write here on the forums and in my journal that I'm starting again. It's not the same but it helps and I know it's better for me.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

I have never had the privilege of emailing T, but I can imagine it would be hard to stop once you've started. What Butterflies said, about writing letters to your T? I do that when I need to feel connected to her. I write her a letter in my journal telling her what I want to tell her, and then often times I'll spend some time afterward thinking about what she would say to me. If I can't come up with an answer, I might share part of that letter with T the next time I see her, and get her answer. Overall, though, I do find just the act of writing to T very helpful in staying connected.

Rainbow - you're doing such hard work and it is SO healthy for you to not have that instant email connection - that quick fix, so to speak. Each week that you go through without emailing will make it a little bit easier and soon you'll feel so much stronger!

Thanks so much, Hope-Full. Yes, I realize it's better for me not to email. I confessed to T today that I usually printed out my emails, usually about 3 each week, and sometimes they were long ones, and reread them many times. It felt like she and I were together all week long that way. Not so healthy for me. I posted in my thread about my session today that she told me that she thinks about me even when I don't email. That is going to make it easier for me I think.

Originally Posted by Perna

When I decided to quit writing my T, I tried to start anticipating (with pleasure) the actual being with her and talking with her and how I was going to use and enjoy that. You know how you look forward to something you want?

Granted, I started a new journal for myself/my eyes only to document the "test" of not writing her (I arbitrarily decided to test it out for 4 weeks or 6, or a couple months, something like that) and then, with her going to be away for the next two weeks (making the test even bigger), that session I left my new journal in the office when I left! LOL, talk about unsubtle hints from my unconscious. She saw, found it, and kept it for me, of course, and we talked about it when she got back; a warm, fun, funny discussion. She said she had been uncertain what to do with it, since she was going away, where to put it so she'd remember to bring it when she got back.

That is kind of funny. I hope you used another journal for the time she was away!
I always look forward to seeing T, email or no emails!

Originally Posted by Luce

I'm glad you are coping with your feelings of loss about the email situation. Feeling sad and depressed about things we lose is hard - it is natural and normal, but hard. Embrace these feelings! You lost something that you enjoyed and liked, and you are grieving for them. Those feelings of loss are not something that you need to 'fix'. This is where you are, and this is what you feel right now, and the feelings are the normal and expected reaction to the loss of something we want or need.

Remember that after the pain comes acceptance, and peace.

I always love the way you write, Luce. Thank you for your support. After my session I cried like I was grieving and I felt somewhat better after that. In fact, I felt a lot better!

[unaluna]

well you know how my T recently texted me TWICE instead of his girlfiend, because I had texted him earlier in the day, then he just texted back to the last number texted when he was going to go meet her? Well, update on that situation: I told him he cured me of ever texting him again and he laughed (altho he apolOgized and I know he felt bad). 2, he got new glasses he wears all the tme now and can actually see 3. HAVE YOU SEEN that new verizon tv commercial??? some women are at an outdoor café, one woman gets a text, and she says, "Ugh! my bf just texted the wrong girl! oh, now he's calling me! REJECTED!" then she gets another call and her girlfriend screams into the phone, "REJECTED!" and the first girl goes, "uh, that was my mom..." I told T about this today and I was like - how perfect, right? and how did they know when they made this commercial to hang up on my mom, too? Art imitates life

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I feel sad and depressed about my session tomorrow. .

hope it went well for you (((((((((((((((( rainbow ))))))))))))))))