I found out something about T, something about her private life

I really don't know what to do because I am going to her about a situation in my life that happened to me and i found out today did she did this very thing to her husband and it killed me to hear this. And to hear what happened to her H afterwards, I am considering not going back to her, one part of me feels sorry for her and the other part of me hates her for causing so much pain to her fAMILY

I've realized as a general rule, it's better to be ignorant about ts private life

This person I was talking to today lives beside her. What she told me really upset me, My t is not perfect and is really not very thoughtful at all.

My heart is breaking as I thought she was really good and very kind and gentle not like my T1 was. I just don't know what to do.

I know how it is... I'm in the same boat right now myself. Is it something u can talk about with him/her?

I am sorry you are going through this misswimmy (((hugs)))) its so hard.

I can't talk to her about it as its probably something that is very painful for her and very shameful and if she knew that i Knew I am sure she would be embarrassed and get angry. Her H tried to kill himself in the most horrific way..

Does it matter what the therapist does in her private life? I would think it is important how the therapist is in her professional relationship with you. The fact that she is a normal human with foibles and relationship problems and so forth is usual. If she is helping you, then why think about it. Plus the neighbor may not know the whole story, may have sympathized with one party over the other for various reasons and so forth.

I wish I had some amazing insight to giv you, but I don't. all I can say is that I know how hard it is... ((((hugs)))) I hope things get better for u...

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts x

Is this neighborhor trustworthy? Are they in the position to really know what happened, or are they just giving you the dish from the street?

Not saying you don't have a right to select your therapist based on their private life. There are some things that I wouldn't put up with, no matter how kind a person is to my face. But just make sure you know what's going on before making a major decision. Sometimes gossips can't be trusted.

She is very trust worthy! I didn't even say she was my t, I just asked if she knew her because they live in the same area! And she went to school with t s son so she knows the whole family well! T s husband is disfigured after it

Whoa

That's a difficult situation.

Did he set himself on fire or something

I vote for knowing as little as possible about my T's personal life. You think you want to know, but it just makes things harder.

I don't know what I would do if I were you. Have you been seeing her for a long time?

This sounds like such a distressing situation. It is really hard to know the truth of what actually happened from an outsiders perspective. I don't quite understand what your T did wrong that makes it her fault that her H did something horrible to himself. It sounds like he is still her H though so perhaps they have worked it out. I really have no advice or suggestions. I just am wary when people "in the know" discuss very personal things about other people's lives. There have been many people who have judged me by what they "knew" were my circumstances and they unaware of much of the truth of the situation. I do understand though how it might make working with your T very difficult if you have a strong feeling about this.

Exactly... I found that out the hard way

how are you a lesbian and at the same time so unaware of women's rights? my reaction to this story is that the husband would not give her a divorce because of the strict culture you live in, she may have been forced into a loveless marriage, and rather than bear his own grief and embarrassment and give her her freedom, the husband is now making the family live with the results of his actions. We who have the freedom to love whoever we want, take so much for granted.

Since this situation is bothering you so much, and since the neighbor's version of what happened is exactly that (a version of the story!), I really think you should bring it up with your T. If you keep your knowledge a secret, it's like having an elephant in the therapy room with you. In order to get good therapy, you really need to be able to be completely open and honest with T... even when it may be difficult and embarassing for both parties. But I think giving T the opportunity to respond to the rumor (and your feelings about it) may help things reach resolution and allow you to go back to therapy as usual.

As for the deeper question about whether how T acts in her personal life impacts the therapy relationship... I think it depends. There are some things I could not get past: for instance, I would not work with a homophobic T or a religious T. So, when I went looking for a T, I made sure she was neither of those things. But could I get past other flaws? Like what if I found out that she cheated on her husband or hit her child? I don't know. But, at the same time, there's this part of me that feels so loyal to her that I'd want to stick up for her in any situation, no matter how bad it was. Like, of T was accused of a crime, a part of me would want to offer her an alibi! Of course, I'm saying that with the certainty that my T is not a criminal. If she were, I'm sure I'd feel differently.

Our T's are just as human as we are. We think of them as allmighty and all knowing. One of my T had filed for bankruptcy once in her past and was having to file again 15 years later. She would rather not give finiancial advice. She and her H were on the brink of divorce 3 years ago and had to get marriage T. I was quite nervous about taking advice from her. Later come to find out she and her H had the same issues as me and my H. That didn't help matters. She was angry in her own marriage and it did creep into the way she thought of ours. I was cautious enough not to let her personality and way of handeling her relationship become the way I handled mine. She is not longer my T. Not because of this info but just the progression of time and needing to move on to bigger and better things. We are still close. She shared things w/ me that did cross that professional line but it made the T relationship so much stronger. The connection we had because I knew her story made her feel more invested in my story. All T's have some investment but this was on a personal level and it greaterly changed for the better how things were delt with.

Mention what you know it may help. It will give her a chance for clarity. But I would not mention your source. That could really cause bad blood between your T and her neighbor. Are you prepared for her reaction to what you know. Could it potentially bring you closer or could it potentially cause her to not want to see you anymore because you know something on her. You have got alot to think about. Think threw all the options before saying anything. Good luck w/ this.

sorry that showed up weird. I was not quoting myself. I wanted to continue and hit the wrong button and couldn't get back. Now I know how to quote myself. I might have just figured out how to quote someone else to. I hope I can remember that tomorrow.

She had an affair with a married man, she and her husband are not together anymore, she is single now! I don't know the ins and outs of why she did it but it just reflects so much about my personal situation! When I map talking about my ex and her affairs and t was asking lots of questions about how I knew for sure and how did I find out about it and what gave it away and now it all makes sense because my other t just took everything I said for granted and never questioned anything! And hankster, I am very aware of women's rights and just because someone is trapped in a love less marriage it doesn't give them the right to have an affair I was in a love less relationship for six years and I was willing to stay with her because I knew she had been abused but instead of telling me she didn't love me anymore she went and had an affair and pretended to love me!

Well that does answer some Q's doesn't it. I could see how that would effect things. I hope you are not projecting your hurt and pain on your T. She id something similar to your ex. That is terrible, you don't know the circumstances, in my opinion there is no right reason to have an affair. If this will affect your relationship w/ your T because that is all you can think about in session then it may not be the best option for you. on the other hand seeing your pain could help your T recover and have remorse for what she has done. It is not your job to be your T's therapist but it could prove to strengthen your relationship and make a positive experience out of this.

That certainly is a difficult situation to swallow. I hope you are able to address this with your T and try to work through it. I'd imagine that it would be unhealthy for you to struggle with keeping it from her, unless you can miraculously somehow compartmentalize it in a healthy way - not sure that's even possible.

Such a difficult position to be in. I can imagine how grueling this must be for you. (( HUGS ))

* * * MAY TRIGGER - MENTION OF ADULTERY * * *

As far as adultery goes, I try not to judge. It's difficult, though, I realize, when you've been affected in that way. I was in an unhealthy marriage for nearly 15 years but never cheated. My husband, on the other hand, tried to sleep with one of my close friends while we were married, lied often and may have even cheated on me - all while helping to make my life miserable. I should probably be more angry than I am....perhaps I'm still in some form of denial.

I really hope she does feel some remorse for what she did but I don't longtime will never know but I am sure having to look at her ex husband she feels remorse! I am trying not to judge her without knowing all the facts but I will be weary now when the subject of an affair comes up! It will be hard for me to listen to anything she says without hating her for causing that pain to her husband!

You do know you could have stopped this neighbour and said "no I do not wish to listen to gossip".