Insight: a glimpse of it being not about T

"The fair is something that comes around once a year in the fall." - My T

My T made this quip once when I said something that happened to me wasn't fair. Life isn't fair. Even though H and I both are people of (our own very unusual and liberal) Christian faith, my H has a favored saying from the Bible, "The rain falls on the just and the unjust." He said that last night to his friend in response to the friend saying that someone who wronged him "will get his one day". H said the person who wronged his friend might not "get his" and his friend needs to accept that and move on.

It's easier said than done. Lord knows I haven't accepted everything bad, wrong, sad, unfair, etc. that's happened to me in the past; but I do know that once I do accept certain things (past and present), my life gets easier. I am no longer "railing against" those things which takes massive amounts of energy.

Rainbow, I can't tell you how you'll come to grips with everything because it's different for everybody. You have made some tremendous progress here lately and I'm proud of you.

I can never know what I would have been like if I had a healthier family. What I do know is that my life is 2000% better then it was 35 years ago.

What I also know is that when a person suffers they have a depth to their personality which those with easier lives don't have.

I'll take any improvement in my life that I can get and I'll be thankful for it.

We're going on our trip soon, so I'll catch up more when I can. I'm sorry I'm a pain and triggering to some of you. Thank you, blur. I do appreciate your posts to me but I understand. I'll just keep plugging along. My T isn't perfect. I know life isn't fair. I'm just honest on here and will continue to be unless it's not effective. We talked about that today. Gotta weigh it. Talked in DBT about my T; group leader made suggestions. My DBT book is in the car; got to shut off the computer now!!!

A sense of fairness is important. It's not just a social construct either: chimps know when they are being ripped off and they respond with anger.

Why do we have an instinct for fairness when the world is unfair?
Tricky question.

PS:

I think what I'm trying to say is, it is too glib to respond with "Life is not fair".
Fairness is an idea that needs to be explored, not dismissed.

Once my therapist was talking about how it just wasn't fair that my twin sister got dealt a good hand while mine was bust. Her lecture was so melodramatic and overwrought, and it was obvious she wanted me to get worked up into a self-righteous froth.

So I had to be the one to tell her that life is not fair. Why be angry over something that I'm not entitled to? My life is totally independent of my sister's. I don't look at the homeless guy living under the bridge and decry the unfairness that separates our lives. So why should I do this with my sister? She has her burdens too. I wouldn't want them anymore than she would want mine.

I know you can't "should" an emotion. But I think in this instance, my therapist was encouraging me to feel something I shouldn't.

SPECULATION:

T thinks there is an inner part of you that is very angry about the unfairness of it all. T wants to reach that part and give it voice.