[Miswimmy1]

I dont know what to do. i had a horrible session with t yesterday. i left crying, spent the evening crying, etc. i had a horrible day today. my dad yelled at me to "get out". twice. we had been arguing. i burst into tears and ran out the door. i learned a lot of things tonight: i learned that a one story building is not high enough to do enough damage. i learned that tears feel ice cold when the wind is blowing. i learned that seeing a light turn off is one of the most hope destroying things there is. my t said she would always be there for me, but then revoked that and said that her "being there" is not always immediate. what the heck does that mean?? (rhetorical question) I am hurting. and confused. and alone.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

\my t said she would always be there for me, but then revoked that and said that her "being there" is not always immediate. what the heck does that mean?? (rhetorical question)

I think she means it on a professional level. Her support is there but not for every emergency that arises. I think she may be trying to get you to discover self-reliance. It does not mean the relationship will end, though.

You need to discuss with your therapist what you expect. Why do you see her? She was helping you with ADHD and OCD, right? Now, where is treatment going? Boundaries? The are blurry. You seem to see her as a mother figure who you heavily depend on. This is hurting you.

Sometimes, we have to accept limits in relationships. We need boundaries to maintain them along with our mental health. You don't see it right now, but later on, you will realize why they are in place, especially with a therapist.

I am sorry, I sound cruel, but I have noticed therapy is making you worse. It is not supposed to.

Also, is PC giving you self harm ideas? There has been a lot of SI and suicidal ideation threads, lately. If it is take a break from this site. Visit with friends, swim or do whatever to cope with stress in a healthy way. PLEASE don't self injure. It is not worth it.

I think it takes a long time to understand what being there consitutes looks like in a healthy relationship. Especially when have been raised in a dysfunctional family.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

my t said she would always be there for me, but then revoked that and said that her "being there" is not always immediate. what the heck does that mean?? (rhetorical question) I am hurting. and confused. and alone.

She's saying she's a human being. A human being who cannot move at the speed of light. She has a life--family comes to visit, vacations pop up, she gets tired and needs to sleep. She also has other patients.

If all she said is that she can't be there immediately, then, no, she didn't revoke anything. She clarified something she probably shouldn't have to clarify. The reason why you see her so frequently is that you have issues that require intense concentration. If you need more concentration than what 3 sessions can give you, maybe you SHOULD consider being in-patient. It sounds scary, but frankly your life right now sounds scary to me.

I agree with Didgee. Therapy seems to be generating/exacerbating problems rather than fixing them. Something has to change.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( HUGS ))))

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I'd imagine that it feels like rejection, but I hope you are able to put it in perspective and see that your T really cares but simply has to be sure you understand reality. It's not black and white. She didn't take back the idea of being there for you. She just needs you to be aware that she can't be accessible at all times, which is reasonable. I hope you can try to understand that. Accepting that does not take away from her desire to want to help you and be there for you.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Im on my phone which sux editing. I know you are only 15 and you dont deserve this. PM ME ok? I will be thinking about u.

[Sannah]

It is common for things to feel worse at first in therapy. This is part of the process. You cannot look at issues (which have been there but under the surface and out of awareness) for the first time and expect a good reaction. Facing issues IS painful.

It will be okay swimmy. You have worked things out with this T before and you will continue to do that and it will make you and the relationship stronger.

[AngelWolf3]

Thinking of you today. Everyone had great advice, I just wanted to add another hug!

[seventyeight]

can you give your therapist a call? maybe tell her you know it's not an emergency, but that you're really feeling bad and need some (of her) help. i don't think that's an unreasonable request. as i understand it, phone calls are sorta "built in" to the therapist-client relationship (like it's part of what you pay for).

hope you're feeling better soon!

Swimmy I hope you are feeling better.... Your never all alone, there is always someone here.

[Bill3]

Miswimmy1, I am very sorry that your father spoke to you in that manner. That was wrong. No matter what the discussion was up to that point, you did not deserve that. And then, after you left: did he turn off the light at your house? That would just be crushing, soul shattering. If that is what happened: I am so sorry. Know that he has his own issues and that you are in no way at fault for them or for any such cruel actions.

Please remember that you can get support if you are able to post here. Also, when you need someone to talk to, perhaps an additional resource would be to consider calling a youth hotline? The California Youth Crisis Line is at 1-800-843-5200. You can also chat with them, http://www.youthcrisisline.org/

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Miswimmy1, I am very sorry that your father spoke to you in that manner. That was wrong. No matter what the discussion was up to that point, you did not deserve that. And then, after you left: did he turn off the light at your house? That would just be crushing, soul shattering. If that is what happened: I am so sorry. Know that he has his own issues and that you are in no way at fault for them or for any such cruel actions.

Please remember that you can get support if you are able to post here. Also, when you need someone to talk to, perhaps an additional resource would be to consider calling a youth hotline? The California Youth Crisis Line is at 1-800-843-5200. You can also chat with them, http://www.youthcrisisline.org/

I know that he has his own issues. and no the light that was turned off was the neighbors house. i was staring into their house, from my yard, wishing that i could be there instead. but yes, if it had been my own house, that would have been devastating.

[littlemssunshine]

Everyone has given some REALLY good advice. I think that you have a really great therapist and I don't think she has revoked her being there for you. I think that she is trying to say that she cares so truly and deeply for you, but she can't jump to help you the second you need her. Sometimes it may take longer, sometimes she may not have a chance to respond until a day or two later, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't care. It just means that she is busy trying to keep her own life, family, and commitments in balance too. Trust me, it's better to talk to someone who can lead by example and show you how to maintain happiness and productivity in all aspects of life. She is just one person, and she truly wants you to get better and be your best.

I think the healthiest way to see her is as a non-judgmental friend who tries to help you out as much as she can, but who has to live her own life too. It is AMAZING that you know how important it is to reach out to her to get help, but try not to feel hurt if she isn't as responsive as you want. Just like you, she is doing the best that she can.

You are an absolutely wonderful lady and I don't like to see you like this. It will be okay. You are growing and becoming the amazing person that you are meant to be. There will be rough days (trust me, I still have them), but focus on your health. We are all here for you and love you!!!

[Bill3]

What was horrible about your session with T?

[Miswimmy1]

We covered some things that were triggering (having to do with my family and my OCD) and she sided against me

[Bill3]

So for example on family issue X, you and she discussed your view of X, other family members' view(s) of X, and then she told you that you were wrong? And the same with other family issues, and with OCD? She said that you were wrong, and wrong to be triggered?

[Miswimmy1]

No she just didn't take my side. She didn't say it that bluntly but she was agreeing with them. The family issues were about my OCD and the ahem, restrictions that it causes.

[dailyhealing]

Sorry you are struggling so much right now!

Don't have much to add, but wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

[Bill3]

No she just didn't take my side. She didn't say it that bluntly but she was agreeing with them.

How persuasive do you find her thinking now?

[Miswimmy1]

I don't know. I want it all to just pass... U know? I wanna get a restful nights rest and wake up reenergized.

[Bill3]

Okay. Good night!

thinking of you... I hope that you work through this with your t. i think it is reasonable to say that she cannot respond immediately every time you call/email- my t doesn't either. but the response does come. hers will too. it will be ok.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I dont know what to do. i had a horrible session with t yesterday. i left crying, spent the evening crying, etc. i had a horrible day today. my dad yelled at me to "get out". twice. we had been arguing. i burst into tears and ran out the door. i learned a lot of things tonight: i learned that a one story building is not high enough to do enough damage. i learned that tears feel ice cold when the wind is blowing. i learned that seeing a light turn off is one of the most hope destroying things there is. my t said she would always be there for me, but then revoked that and said that her "being there" is not always immediate. what the heck does that mean?? (rhetorical question) I am hurting. and confused. and alone.

Hi MisSwimmy,

I'm so sorry you are in this depressed state. I don't have any words of wisdom for you. But I did want to tell you that your intial post is eloquent. You have a beautiful way with words. It's very moving. Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by peaches100

Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?

Yes I have. Its not something that I would like to do for a living, but I've considered it as a side hobby. Thank you for your kind words. I am in a better state now after talking with t...

[CantExplain]

((Swimmy))

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I dont know what to do. i had a horrible session with t yesterday. i left crying, spent the evening crying, etc. i had a horrible day today. my dad yelled at me to "get out". twice. we had been arguing. i burst into tears and ran out the door. i learned a lot of things tonight: i learned that a one story building is not high enough to do enough damage. i learned that tears feel ice cold when the wind is blowing. i learned that seeing a light turn off is one of the most hope destroying things there is. my t said she would always be there for me, but then revoked that and said that her "being there" is not always immediate. what the heck does that mean?? (rhetorical question) I am hurting. and confused. and alone.

Painful.

By the way, you are a brilliant writer. This is almost poetry.