What now?!

This could be the end of the road. I'm spinning my wheels and my therapist doesn't know what to do with me anymore. I felt like this was coming, and now she said it. I'm stuck, she's stuck.

We've made all kinds of progress, but I've been in therapy 18 months now (it's almost 2 years since I had to quit my job) and I still don't feel capable of work, or even volunteering. Was trying to get back into education and maybe change my career path but that all went to hell... I still don't even know what I want to do, anyway. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I can't try anymore.

I don't want this to be the end, what do I do without my T? She's lovely. We have such a great relationship. I wish I could just fix this, find a way forward... but I feel like I'm being way too demanding, expecting too much. She was on the phone to me tonight for ages and all I did was complain. I feel awful.

Just because you are moving on doesn't mean that you have to lose all contact with t. She will be interested in how u do with a new t (if u get one), the work you, etc. just because u don't see her weekly doesn't mean u won't talk to her again. U know? I think the best thing is to discuss all these emotions with your t before u end. These are normal healthy emotions and she can help ease the transition. ((((hugs)))) thinking of u

I can't bear the thought of actually leaving T. I'm very attached to her. I don't know if ANY therapist can help me more than she can. The relationship is supposed to be the important part, right? We have that...

Did she actually say she doesn't know what to do with you anymore? (I am not doubting you, just trying to understand.) I'm sure others might have a different opinion, but honestly, 18 months doesn't sound like SO long that it should be the end of trying, especially if progress has been made. Have you talked about that progress, because it shows that you are obviously doing something right, maybe it just still will take time for you to be able to handle working?

I hope you'll talk about this and that she truly isn't intending to give up. My own t keeps saying that things happen on their own as we're ready for them to, we can't put a time limit on things, and I've found that to be true. Regardless of what happens with this T, you sound like a kind and smart person and you will get unstuck and be okay. But I wouldn't want to leave a therapist I really like and have established a good relationship with, either.

I forget the exact words, but yeah, pretty sure. Something like "I don't know where to go from here" and not wanting to see me go from week to week not getting anywhere because it would be unethical... I know she's trying to do the right thing by me, always. She wants to take me to see someone else and have them do some form of Reiki with me (as a one-off), but beyond that, I don't know. She's always said she's there as long as I need her and she's not walking away from me or giving up on me, but now she's voiced this concern and so I'm trying to figure out the right thing to do. I don't want to stay in therapy with her if it's the wrong thing for her or me or both of us. I have this horrible feeling that I'll just burn her out, the way I'm going.

I also started from of place of feeling like anything, including volunteering, was well beyond my capabilities at the time. There have been times when my therapist has said "I don't know where to go from here". I think if I hadn't managed to take any steps she would have considered it unethical to continue helping me, though I know she would have still had my best interest at heart. From your previous posts it sounds like your therapist thinks you're capable of volunteering, but you were waiting for a breakthrough to happen before you felt able to take the first step. I know how hard it is when surviving life is hard enough without the added pressure of something like volunteering, but having made it out the other side, I also know how important it is to force yourself to do it anyway (or something similar), no matter how unready you feel. Even if it's just 30 minutes a week. At least for me the breakthroughs never happened until I forced myself out there, even though I wasn't ready, and even though it made me feel worse, and fall apart some days. Is there any way you can trust your therapist to help you make a step towards gaining back your life, by doing something like volunteering, and trust that she will be there to support you through it?

Sorry, I know that probably doesn't come across as super supportive. I just know how valuable a good relationship with a therapist is, and I feel that it's probably the most helpful thing of all. I don't want you to lose it if there's a chance you can allow her to help you to move forwards.

18 months is nothing in the world of therapy. If your therapist doesn't know what to do with you then find a more able therapist. Perhaps an analyst. That'd wap **** can go on for years & still find something to do lol. No seriously co had a "counsellor" (no way near as trained and knowledgable as a pyschoanalys) who run out of ideas with after 6 months. The analytic therapy I am in now is really IMHO the only real way forward in any long lasting terms.

Hi I'm so sorry u guys are stuck I felt like that also and then it happened we started to work things to pm me

Are you on medication? If so, maybe it's time for a re-tuning?

In a way, I guess you could say I'm "stuck" in my therapy. I have progressed a lot over the 4.5 years I've been in therapy, but I can't seem to get over the thing that cracked me up in the first place. And to be honest, I haven't really tried to. Not very hard, at least. Because I lack the motivation. You can't really latch onto something if you're not motivated to do it.

I think this is why my therapist seems to be talking about acceptance WHILE at the same time giving me hope that I can still change. It's all very confusing sometimes. The only reason I can think of for why she isn't giving up on me is because I'm actually not spinning my wheels. I am continuing to work on those things that are challenging but don't feel so impossible. She can give me homework assignments and know that I will at least try to do them.

I agree that 18 months seems to be too early to thrown in the towel. YET, I can see how your therapist may not feel she's being helpful if progress up to this point is only subjective. If she can't motivate you to move in measurable ways, then I do think something is off. Some therapists are more much "action-oriented" than others, I'm guessing.

Could you set an ultimatum with yourself? Like, say I will do X in the next four weeks and if I can't, then I need to find another therapist. X could be as simple as calling a non-profit and asking what kind of volunteer opportunities they have. Tell your therapist this is what you're going to do so she will hold you accountable. If she is unable to hold you accountable and help you meet this basic goal, then some questioning is order, IMHO.

Sorry that you're feeling so stuck. I can relate to this quite a bit. My T has also said that he's felt stuck with me as well, and I took it as him not wanting to work with me anymore. He stressed that he wants what's best for me, and that due to his own limitations, he was looking for other options for me. What helped was him saying that it would be IN ADDITION to seeing him, if that's what we decide, to help get me unstuck.

Maybe that's what your T has in mind for you? Something to help in addition to therapy, to help you become unstuck and make progress.....

That's kind of how I feel - only, I'm not sure what it was that actually cracked me up.

I'm on meds. I see my doctor on the 13th, I'll see what he says. These are the only meds that have worked at all so far, but I haven't seen miraculous results. There was slow but steady progress for a while, with meds and therapy... I got out of the deep deep dark despair, stopped self injuring... over spring/summer I've lost some weight and have seemed to be on the right track. I've had all sorts of realisations about myself, have started to accept who I am... It's not like I haven't made some progress.... BUT - if I can't work, can't earn money, then really I can't move on - I'm stuck in a less than ideal living situation, and it's making me miserable. Everything keeps coming unstuck because things aren't right for me. I need to find something for me, a career, a path, that is going to help me feel fulfilled, and help me get my independence back. I need to live a full life.

I want to just rock up at a charity shop or somewhere and help out for a few hours, or walk dogs at an animal rescue, or something, for that to be my first step... I want to be able to build structure into my life and start pumping myself back up... I want to be able to start work at a job, any job, just to get 'back out there' - I know this is logically the 'way forward'... but, as I've said, and as I keep telling my T, it doesn't feel like my answer. I only get so far, and then everything falls in on itself. It's like there's something blocking me, like something snapped - that the something that cracked me up in the first place isn't fixed! I wish I could explain myself better - I can't seem to get anyone to understand, can't seem to find any diagnostic information, can't find any information on how to tackle 'it', because I don't know what 'it' is. I used to have a great work ethic, even though I suffered with depression for years, I didn't let it stop me like this... I struggled, but I kept going. This feels like something else, but I don't know what. Maybe I burned out. I don't know. I still think I should be better by now. A lot of you here are in therapy, have your issues, but you are functioning and living lives as well?! Why can't I do that?!

Thing is, I'm giving up, because I've been plugging away all this time - so increasingly my T is telling my to do things and I'm just getting increasingly resistant and demotivated and rejecting everything... Maybe she will have to go all super-tough with me and demand I meet goals... but to be honest I think I'd just get hacked off and withdraw.

Thing is, I've tried lots of things, I've learned to be more open minded... but now I'm losing the will and motivation again, now I seem to be on the way back down, and the more hopeless things start to seem, the less I'm willing to try anymore. Vicious circle, right?

I need some direction... but everything seems impossible right now.

I don't think it's that T isn't capable, and she isn't giving up on me. I think I'm just... I don't know, unusual, I guess... a challenge? I'm glad she's honest with me, and I appreciate the effort she puts in.. I think on her part it was a temporary 'not sure what to do/say just now' rather than a throwing her hands up in the air and 'I'm done, there's nothing for you' ... She called me this morning and said she'd had an idea, and wants to see me Monday, see where we go from there. I just don't want to be a source of frustration for her, you know? And I have all these attachment issues, and I know I need more attention than the average client, and that has me feeling guilty... Maybe I need to find a T I can hate, that I don't care about, one who's weekend and nights off I don't mind ruining...?!

Just some girl, I am sorry you are going through this with your T, I think that maybe she was just frustrated because she doesn't see any results.
Do you tell her all the positive ways that therapy is helping?
I think some T's need an ego boost every now and again and they need to see results and hear how their therapy is working for you.
I agree with T about the reiki, I practise Reiki and since doing it on myself, I notice an improvement in my moods and in my energy levels. Reiki is also fabulous for emotional healing.
Can you write T a letter or an email and tell her how you feel? That you don't want to quit therapy with her and maybe give her some examples of how she has helped you.
((((((HUGS))))))))

I'm going to give the reiki a try... fingers crossed!

Don't tempt me to write yet another email! I'm always telling her how I feel! I think I give her a balanced view of what's helping/working and what's not... she knows I don't want to quit, but last night's email to her was kind of an 'if this needs to be goodbye, then...' But, she doesn't want to stop working with me. Maybe this is just a bump in the road and we can figure it out together.

Maybe, like MixedUpEmotions said, I need to find something in addition to therapy that will help me - because the thing is, there is so much right with my therapy, and with our relationship, quitting would be devastating.

Maybe there is some kind of support group you can join or something to give you additional support so you won't need to rely on your T so much.