We laugh and talk about tv shows and books. I asked her questions and she always answers. She makes me laugh so hard and I feel like we can talk about anything except me and how I really feel.
I haven't told her how bad I am and that I want to not be here anymore. I can't bring myself to tell her. I like going to see her because I feel normal and she makes me laugh so much. Do I have to tell her how I really feel? I don't want her to read in the paper one day or see that I am in hospital thats why I haven't showed up to my appt

[pbutton]

During my last session I said (twice) that I wasn't doing a very good job of telling him how crappy I really felt. He really snapped into therapist mode & I found it quite helpful.

I get this button, I like my T too and sometimes find myself talking about football and BS instead of me, because its easy and he's nice and its easy... did I mention that? Tell your T you need some poking to get started. Chatty is OK and can even make you feel good, but its just masking the issues and is not really any help. Use your time wisely. Use your time to fix you.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by button30

I feel like we can talk about anything except me and how I really feel.
I haven't told her how bad I am and that I want to not be here anymore. I can't bring myself to tell her. I like going to see her because I feel normal and she makes me laugh so much. Do I have to tell her how I really feel? I don't want her to read in the paper one day or see that I am in hospital thats why I haven't showed up to my appt

button........ if something happened to you & yr T had no clue, she would feel she hadn't done you any good at all. Maybe you could print that original post of yours and give it to her?

It doesn't mean you can't laugh and talk to each other; that's a healthy balance to the hard stuff. Don't worry about that! but laughing, talking, has brought you closer to T, and maybe now is a good time to give her your confidence. hang in there. ((((((((((((((button)))))))))))))))

Originally Posted by pbutton

During my last session I said (twice) that I wasn't doing a very good job of telling him how crappy I really felt. He really snapped into therapist mode & I found it quite helpful.

Thanks pbutton, maybe they just need us to tell them- they are not mind readers but the thing is I dont know how to tell her.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I get this button, I like my T too and sometimes find myself talking about football and BS instead of me, because its easy and he's nice and its easy... did I mention that? Tell your T you need some poking to get started. Chatty is OK and can even make you feel good, but its just masking the issues and is not really any help. Use your time wisely. Use your time to fix you.

I get you on the BS Lola, thats all we ever talk about but it helps at the time and as soon as I go home I feel worse. I don't think I can be fixed anymore I keep asking t what is wrong with me and she keeps telling me over and over there is nothing wrong with me but I am not so sure anymore.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

button........ if something happened to you & yr T had no clue, she would feel she hadn't done you any good at all. Maybe you could print that original post of yours and give it to her?

It doesn't mean you can't laugh and talk to each other; that's a healthy balance to the hard stuff. Don't worry about that! but laughing, talking, has brought you closer to T, and maybe now is a good time to give her your confidence. hang in there. ((((((((((((((button)))))))))))))))

You are right Sitting,
I always worry about her if something happened to me and I would hate for her to feel guilty or to think it was her fault.

Originally Posted by button30

Thanks pbutton, maybe they just need us to tell them- they are not mind readers but the thing is I dont know how to tell her.

email. voicemail. expression. write a note and hand it to her.

[autotelica]

I know how you feel. I have the same struggle.

You want to know what's weird? Our sessions can often go through both extremes. Like yesterday's. I was all miserable and crazy, but the crying was interpersed with me listening to my therapist talk about her eye infection (via bladder infection ) and me showing her the pictures I took in NYC. One of her homework assignments is for me to pick her up some campaign signs (our politics are similar, and our presidential candidate's campaign precinct is close to where I work.) I talked about how I got to shake his hand one time. We laughed a little over this favorite memory of mine.

I find that it's a compromise between having a totally light-hearted session and having a serious work-out session.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by button30

We laugh and talk about tv shows and books. I asked her questions and she always answers. She makes me laugh so hard and I feel like we can talk about anything except me and how I really feel.
I haven't told her how bad I am and that I want to not be here anymore. I can't bring myself to tell her. I like going to see her because I feel normal and she makes me laugh so much. Do I have to tell her how I really feel? I don't want her to read in the paper one day or see that I am in hospital thats why I haven't showed up to my appt

If one of the things you like about the small talk with T is the sense of connection you get, the ability to ask her questions, and the feeling of getting to be close to her that way-- I can tell you that opening up to her about you and how you really feel will enhance that connection and closeness. When I have a session where I share a lot about how I feel, or about my childhood, or about the really deep stuff-- there might be a moment where I feel embarassed or worried that it will make T feel differently about me or that it will make her think I'm not "fun" becuase we aren't laughing like we often do-- but afterwards, T will say to me "Thank-you for sharing. This is the closest I've ever felt to you" or "I'm so glad you were able to share; I feel like I know you so much better now, and I really want to know you better." I've learned, over time, that it really enhances my relationship with T when I let her in and let her see me how I really am-- and not try to put on a happy front when I don't really feel that way. And, of course, it's helped me process and work through things. After all, T is there to be our therapist. As my T would say, sometimes we can relate to one another in a friendly way or a maternal way, but her role in my life is as my therapist; if she's not doing therapy with me, then she isn't really doing her job. But it's my responsibility to give her the information and cooperation she needs in order to do that job. After all, making the decision to "step up" and really put 100% into my therapy is the way that I can take responsibility for my life and do my part to make sure I get the most out of the one life I have-- because I'm not going to get another one!

[Victoria'smom]

We start with small talk then eventually it goes to "So what are we avoiding today?" or "So how are you feeling right now?"

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

If one of the things you like about the small talk with T is the sense of connection you get, the ability to ask her questions, and the feeling of getting to be close to her that way-- I can tell you that opening up to her about you and how you really feel will enhance that connection and closeness. When I have a session where I share a lot about how I feel, or about my childhood, or about the really deep stuff-- there might be a moment where I feel embarassed or worried that it will make T feel differently about me or that it will make her think I'm not "fun" becuase we aren't laughing like we often do-- but afterwards, T will say to me "Thank-you for sharing. This is the closest I've ever felt to you" or "I'm so glad you were able to share; I feel like I know you so much better now, and I really want to know you better." I've learned, over time, that it really enhances my relationship with T when I let her in and let her see me how I really am-- and not try to put on a happy front when I don't really feel that way. And, of course, it's helped me process and work through things. After all, T is there to be our therapist. As my T would say, sometimes we can relate to one another in a friendly way or a maternal way, but her role in my life is as my therapist; if she's not doing therapy with me, then she isn't really doing her job. But it's my responsibility to give her the information and cooperation she needs in order to do that job. After all, making the decision to "step up" and really put 100% into my therapy is the way that I can take responsibility for my life and do my part to make sure I get the most out of the one life I have-- because I'm not going to get another one!

You are right Scorposis. You have a really wonderful T, I am a little envious. Mine could be wonderful too but I am not giving her the chance to be. She is doing what she thinks I need and following my lead. I am really bad at telling people what I need so this is going to be very difficult for me tomorrow. Ex T was the opposit, we never laughed and it was always with the serious stuff...she just sat and listened and never thought me how to deal with all of these emotions.
New T, always answers my questions about my ex and my mother and why they do things, Ex T would never tell me anything and bring it back to me and why do I need to know all of this. I don't know how is right or wrong or they are both right in their own way. New T is not very sympathetic , or maybe its because she is around the same age as me, we curse a lot and call people bit**** hahaha.. and it does help because EX t tried to get me to get my anger out all the time but I could never do it with her because I liked her so much.
Damn feelings :P
I haven't felt this bad in a long time and it scares me again because they are so intense and I am afraid that I won't be able to talk myself out of them. T knew I was sui at the first session because we emailed but she never mentioned it since and sometimes I ask her can she start because I can't but she wont do this because she likes the client to be in charge of their own session. Sometimes I sit there for 30 mins saying nothing.