Couch 19

Lola...that is so hard. Not impossible though. And, I have kind of learned that some spouses surprise you in the end. Here's hoping that yours comes around.

Did I ever tell the story about when H and I separated? I do understand what it's like being in a rocky relationship. I honestly thought it could never work, so did he.

So maybe I should only pay her once or twice a quarter.

Stopdog...that was my deal with XT. Some stuff that was unacceptable was accepted because I had these fleeting glances of a good session. But one or two good sessions out of 28 isn't the best record. It means she's missing it 97% of the time.

This is actually sound psychological theory. I see it in my own dogs and I see it in my clients. Keeps animals/people hanging on because they never know when it's coming.

Better living through math.

Gotta love math. Or not.

so you would prefer no feedback unless she can clearly communicate to you how that feedback is relevant to your current conversation and subsequent feelings regarding the subject at hand? That seems reasonable.

stopdog...put it this way, if you were grading her she would get a 3%. Would you pass a student with that gpa?

Complete fail.

No, but I would keep trying to help the student get it.
She does know I think it is not working. She has said it may not be working. It is just figuring out how to make it work.
Right now I would be happy with:
"Lichen relate to baseball like this..."
But when I tell her this, she says she does not know. When I say "why did say x" she will say she does not know.
I am very frustrated at this but then she tells me I am the only person who has this trouble with her and that she is excellent at her job.

she cant aswer WHY she said something? Is she doing this intentionally hoping you will make the connection? This would mean she does know and wont tell you... my T kinda did this until I told him to not make me guess, if he sees the connections between things he needs to tell me, as I can handle it. He said that therapist help people make connections, I told him id rather he tell me and ill agree or disagree and he complied. So, does she not know why she says Lichen or does she know why but wants you to figure it out for yourself? I mean if thats it she just needs to say it.

I thought of this, but she has insisted it is just because she does not know and she is not messing with me.

Is she just sort of making intuitive leaps that she is then unable to explain?

Maybe - but it is not helpful to me for her to have intuitive leaps that make no sense to me.

Can you ask her not to be random, if she has nothing helpful to say, just to acknowledge your feelings and that she heard you and then shut up?

Yeah, I get that but it could explain why she is unable to answer your questions.

I feel a nap coming on.

I don't get this connection. She is a therapist - it is her job to help me understand what she is saying. Otherwise, she might as well be speaking Babylonian or Romulan or something. If what she says makes no sense to me - it is not helpful to me -and that is the entire point as far as I can see. And she might try other language to have it make sense to me. In some fashion it has to make sense to her in order for her to have said at all.
Plus - her intuition, if that is what it is, is wrong all the time. It is not like she says something that does not connect with what I have been saying - but is brilliant in some way that is useful to me.

Is she talking about feelings or attachment or some other thing that makes you angry?

Would you benefit from exploring why you feel so attached to her? I know you and I have spoken about this before, when you quit you find it unbearable. (I am that way with XT as well) Could you speak with T2 about the attachment to help discern it a bit?

BTW...I haven't met with XT since Aug 14, and it still hurts. I still want to call him.

Pbutton -Not necessarily. But it is like she is dismissing me and substituting her own agenda. or like she gets me to tell a feeling and then tells me it is not important or why it is wrong. Like lucy snatching the football away from charlie brown.

Wikid - maybe - the therapist labels it transference now. She used to say attachment was good. I would say it was negative attachment and she would respond that attachment was good. But could never tell me how. I asked about the brain synapsis stuff and she agreed but it is not like she gave that explanation herself. She appears frustrated at me too.

Sorry Stopdog that sounds so frustrating.

So has anyone ever heard the term "gaslighting"? I am starting to wonder if that is what's happening to me but I'm not sure and it is scary. I so hate not understanding things and when stuff doesn't make sense. Normally, even if I don't agree with someone, I can certainly understand what they are saying and where they are coming from. The stuff that is happening in my life lately isn't understandable and isn't making any sort of sense at all. And I can't tell whether it's me or if they are just messing with me.

Murray, you need to bounce the specifics off someone you can trust. Would there be a gain someone would get by having you second guess yourself?

ugh Murray...that's a tough one. My dad and his friends used that tactic with me, and it is so ingrained that I consistently watch for it in real life. The most helpful thing for me has been a short list of people that I trust to tell me the truth. I carry it in my purse, this is exactly what it says:

If I am not sure whether something is real, or I am being told that I imagining things, I can trust the following people to always tell me the truth. They care about me a great deal and would never hurt me. It is ok to listen to them and do what they tell me to do.
1) H - phone number
2) Daughter - phone number
3) G - phone number

Hi all
The director sent me home sick. Usually I fight going home once I am there, but I am sooooo tired. Going to eat a grilled cheese and take a nap. Hopefully I am feel well enough to go to the trivia thing in my costume.