[InTherapy]

I am exhausted. The past week I've been bouncing up and down from suicidal, making plans, to ok, to happy, to suicidal again.

I am literally going from one extreme to the other within a day, and it's happened 5 or 6 times this week. I feel so wrung out and empty. Right now I'm okay, but I missed my classes this morning because I was crying in the shower.

I don't know what to do!

I can't call my T, because I yelled at her via text our last communication, and I don't even think we have an appointment this week.

[TheWell]

You need to call and confirm an appointment. It sounds like you are in crisis. It's okay to ask for help.

[Miswimmy1]

you should call and make an appt. I am sure that your t will understand. yelling and those emotions are normal for therapy. i have no doubt that she is more than willing to talk about it with you, and is just waiting for you to give the signal that its ok. my t usually doesn't make the 1st move, she waits for me, goes at my pace. you sound like you could really use a talk with t, so please contact her!

[CantExplain]

As time went on in therapy, I found the swings became smaller and less rapid.

Also, I figured that mood swings were an improvement over being permanently depressed. At least I was up some of the time.

Originally Posted by InTherapy

I am exhausted. The past week I've been bouncing up and down from suicidal, making plans, to ok, to happy, to suicidal again.

I am literally going from one extreme to the other within a day, and it's happened 5 or 6 times this week. I feel so wrung out and empty. Right now I'm okay, but I missed my classes this morning because I was crying in the shower.

I don't know what to do!

I can't call my T, because I yelled at her via text our last communication, and I don't even think we have an appointment this week.

I can completely relate to how you are feeling and it is a difficult place to be. I'm sorry you are on this "ride".

BUT you can call your T and should. I know you don't want to because you may be feeling ashamed or embarrassed over the texts. I did this yesterday. I sent really angry hateful texts and my T understood where it was coming from. They are trained to not take this stuff personally. Therapy is not about them it's about you and what you need to heal. Right now you need your T. Please call and get an appointment so T can help....

[InTherapy]

I texted my T yesterday and said "When are we next meeting?" She said "I don't have anything down in the books as I understood you to have cancelled your appointment this week via text. If you would like to schedule something let me know."

Right now I just feel like **** her.

I'm sick of all these power games and her always making me come to her. I don't think she gives a **** one way or the other. She never encourages me or tells me I'm doing well or even tells me that I'm doing badly or need to focus on some certain area. She just doesn't even care and I don't need to pay what little money I have for that.

**** it.

InTherapy I just went through this yesterday. I ended up going just to tell my T I hated him and it ended up being one of the best sessions we have had. Maybe it is not a power game. She can't force you to come in or make an appointment unless you ask for one...

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by InTherapy

I texted my T yesterday and said "When are we next meeting?" She said "I don't have anything down in the books as I understood you to have cancelled your appointment this week via text. If you would like to schedule something let me know."

Right now I just feel like **** her.

I'm sick of all these power games and her always making me come to her. I don't think she gives a **** one way or the other. She never encourages me or tells me I'm doing well or even tells me that I'm doing badly or need to focus on some certain area. She just doesn't even care and I don't need to pay what little money I have for that.

**** it.

Just cos she doesn't say anything doesn't mean she doesn't care.

I get the thing about no encouragement, though.

[InTherapy]

How else do you show you care?

I've been seeing her since May-ish? 5 months? She never encourages me or tells me I'm doing well or tells me I'm slipping backwards or really gives me anything at all. I sit in her office week after week and I tell her all of this stuff and I get absolutely nothing in return. I missed when my appointment "Would have been" today. I'm feeling really disillusioned disappointed and just done with therapy.

If I'm the one with problems why do I have to do all the work? I need some support. I need her to tell me to keep trying or to toughen up or just... show me SOMEWAY that she gives a damn. But she won't because she doesn't.

I refuse to believe that this is how therapy is supposed to be. Because this is ****ed up and just not right. Seriously, who stands on a ship watching someone drown? No, you don't have to risk your own life by getting in the water, but you could at least yell some encouragement!!

[pbutton]

I think it would be great if you could tell her the kind of things you need from her. She won't know unless you tell her. Everyone needs/wants something different. She's looking for clues from you... and you told her you wanted to cancel your appointment. They take our word on stuff like that.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by InTherapy

I can't call my T, because I yelled at her via text our last communication, and I don't even think we have an appointment this week.

Ts are used to being yelled at. They do have some idea what you're going through.

Originally Posted by InTherapy

How else do you show you care?

Sometimes Ts will show you care by doing what you need instead of what you want or expect. I know with me sometimes I misinterpret my T's thoughts, feelings, and intentions.

I've been seeing her since May-ish? 5 months? She never encourages me or tells me I'm doing well or tells me I'm slipping backwards or really gives me anything at all. I sit in her office week after week and I tell her all of this stuff and I get absolutely nothing in return. I missed when my appointment "Would have been" today. I'm feeling really disillusioned disappointed and just done with therapy.

Have you told her you need encouragement? Have you asked her for what you need?

If I'm the one with problems why do I have to do all the work? I need some support. I need her to tell me to keep trying or to toughen up or just... show me SOMEWAY that she gives a damn. But she won't because she doesn't.

You have to do all the work because it is YOUR therapy. I know it sucks, but they can't do it for us.

I refuse to believe that this is how therapy is supposed to be. Because this is ****ed up and just not right. Seriously, who stands on a ship watching someone drown? No, you don't have to risk your own life by getting in the water, but you could at least yell some encouragement!!

I don't think she is watching you drown. She can't "save" you. You have to start swimming and want to save yourself. Maybe if you start to swim, make the call, tell her how you REALLY feel and what you need, she will throw you a life raft.


Have you talked with your T about the things you feel you need? Can you give her a chance to help you and just make an appointment to tell her how terrible she is? If she is any good she knows exactly what is going on with you, but you can't give up.

[InTherapy]

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

I don't think she is watching you drown. She can't "save" you. You have to start swimming and want to save yourself. Maybe if you start to swim, make the call, tell her how you REALLY feel and what you need, she will throw you a life raft.


Have you talked with your T about the things you feel you need? Can you give her a chance to help you and just make an appointment to tell her how terrible she is? If she is any good she knows exactly what is going on with you, but you can't give up.

I'm not going to pay $60 so I can point out her flaws. I don't believe that therapists are these magical people who intrinsically know what's best for us. I do not have faith that this is part of her grand plan. I made it very clear to her a few days ago via text that I'm sick of her always casting me in the victim role and that I'm very frustrated with things. She has chosen not to respond. I'm not going to play the role of "the clingy girlfriend" and try to make her act right or give me what I need. If a therapist cannot or does not see ONE single occasion over FIVE MONTHS of therapy where some encouragement or calling out on BS might be necessary, there is nothing I can say to her in one session that's going to make her "get it". She has made 0 attempts in these 5 months and has done nothing to show me that she actually cares about me.

I'm just done.

Burnt out, used up, empty, and done.

I don't know what's next for me and its probably going to suck balls but I refuse to do the same thing over and over and hope for different results. Clearly this is not working for me.

[QUOTE=InTherapy;2621426]I don't believe that therapists are these magical people who intrinsically know what's best for us. /QUOTE]

I don't believe this either. Not all T's are great and if it is a problem with her, I hope you won't write off therapy all together. I'm sorry you are going trough this.

[pbutton]

Have you considered trying out a new therapist?

[InTherapy]

So I missed my appointment last week and then this text exchange happened yesterday.

T: InTherapy, are you planning on coming in for a session this week?

Me: I wasn't. Your last txt said if I wanted to schedule something to let you know. I took that to mean we had no more appointments until/unless I scheduled one.

T: Ok. I wanted to double check so I didn't give a time slot away that you were planning on using. As you aren't, I will likely fill it. Have a good week.

Me: I don't think I'll be coming back

T: I would recommend you continue therapy. Please feel free to call the main number for a new counselor if you choose. I can also provide you with referrals if you would like.

Me: I don't think its doing me any good. I almost always leave feeling worse than when I came in, and I'm never ever going to write down all the bad stuff and read it.

T: I know it is hard. It is part of the process that it gets worse before it gets better, but it can get better. it takes time and a lot of hard work. i believe you can do it.

Me: Did you already give away my slot?

T: The (hour) on (day) is still open.

Me: Well I guess I'll see you at (hour)

T: I look forward to it. See you in a couple days.

Also, I was really really high when this exchange happened. Two things that strike me: one, when she was giving me encouragement and telling me that she believes in me, that's the only time she dropped proper capitalization and punctuation. For me, that would usually mean I'm really involved in what I'm saying and not worrying about the rules/grammar. I wonder if its the same for her?

The other thing I noticed, it seems weird that she said she's looking forward to it. Not just see you in a couple days, but looking forward to it.

I'm SO over analyzing, I know.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by InTherapy

T: I would recommend you continue therapy. Please feel free to call the main number for a new counselor if you choose. I can also provide you with referrals if you would like.

So cold. So very cold. Bad Facilitator was like this.

[InTherapy]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

So cold. So very cold. Bad Facilitator was like this.

I thought it was cold too. The only thing that sort of made it better was the "if you so choose." I kind of felt like she was giving me a tiny out, but I was still pretty mad which is why I responded with more negativity - "It's not doing me any good, I'm never gonna do what you want me to do"

But her next response was pretty positive, wasn't it?

"I know it is hard. It is part of the process that it gets worse before it gets better, but it can get better. it takes time and a lot of hard work. i believe you can do it."

That seemed pretty warm.