The Couch! #21

Your user title says that. Under your user name.

RR we were just concerned for you ...???? Did i miss something?

Definitely much better! Our dietitian at work says it's unhealthy to eat under 1200 calories or your body goes into starvation mode.

I'm weird. For me, that threshold is about 1800 calories. When I lost weight 3 years ago, if I ate less than that, I'd quit losing weight. I have a high metabolism, though. As much as I eat, I should weigh 400 pounds. I consume probably 3000-3500 calories a day.

I know right? Was it something I said? Does her user title say "no longer safe" or am I hallucinating?

Maybe it was better when I had killed the couch.

I know you don't know me, but I hope you're okay rainbow_rose. I'm a bit of a lurker, read more than write in this section, I think.

I have T tomorrow and I am very anxious about it. I need to talk to my T about how I dissociated last Friday night and can't remember much from one point to the next point... I had just told her that day that I would be able to stay safe, but now I feel bad cause I feel like I lied to her, but I didn't. I really thought I could stay "here", safe...but I couldn't cause I got triggered by something. I mean, I guess I wasn't totally unsafe, nothing bad happened aside from not remembering leaving my boyfriend's house and half of my walk home, but when you're not present I guess you're not really safe either...? It's confusing, and I am very scared that this happens to me, that I just "go away" and blank out like that. I mean what if something bad did happen? It could have. I don't really know how to handle this and I don't know how to stay present... I am not good at grounding myself. I don't have any skills there... okay sorry, just thinking "out loud." Hope you all are having at least an okay night.

Dude ...don't worry, Im sure she will re read this and realize you weren't trying to upset her.

I wish I could eat that much and not gain weight.

Anyone seen Granite?

Also I'd like to give a big F U to the password God's who keep making me change them all the time, I am locking myself out of **** left and right...uggggg

Lola- sorry you lost, sounds like a good game though. Go take a hot bath, that should make you feel better.

Good night couch.. busy day for me tomorrow. Which includes T appointment....

(((Focus)))

I don't know if this would make you feel better, but my T told me she dissociated from a combination of lack of sleep, then taking Benedryl to sleep. She was missing parts of her morning (i.e. parts of her walk with her dogs, part of her drive into work).

I will say that I am sorry this is happening to you and I hope that your T can help you tomorrow. I get anxious before T too; not as much as I used to, but there is something about driving into the parking lot, parking, walking into the building, upstairs, and waiting in the waiting room that still freaks me out and I have no idea why. My T hasn't given me a reason to be nervous, but I think after all this time, I'm still afraid of getting hurt.

I know. I just hate upsetting someone who's already upset.

I'm starting to get out of control, so I know I need to make some changes in my life...the things T alluded to Tuesday. It's kinda funny, they had some (old) brochures in the waiting room today and I took one. It has two pictures of T when she was healthy. She was shaped much like me and about the same size.

Not since yesterday; I'm a bit worried.

They are not nice Gods...you having to change them for work or personal?

Good luck with T. Let us know how it goes. I know you were having a hard time with changing the frequency of your sessions. That is hard, but if you don't want to change, your T shouldn't make you change.

I didn't dissociate cause I was tired, I purposely "left." My boyfriend was drunk because it was homecoming on campus (all I wanted to do was leave) and he grabbed me in a way that reminded me of my abuser as a child (he meant no harm, he simply thought he was being funny--he doesn't know anything of my past really). I was sent into a panicky-state and I guess my brain decided panic was no good so it was just going to shut itself down...so it did. Now I don't remember anything that happened from when he let me go to the time that I found myself a few blocks from my apartment. After Friday -- I know I have to break up with him. I can't trust people who drink and get drunk, I'll never be able to. I don't know why I try. He's a great guy when he's sober, but I want nothing to do with him when he's drunk. And I know my way around alcoholism and if they don't want to stop drinking for themselves (*not for me*) then they won't. This just sucks. It wasn't your normal, run of the mill, highway hypnosis dissociation. That's why it scares me so much... Thanks for the hugs everyone.

I wish I could get back on track with my eating, felt better when I was eating something other than junk all day. But somehow the junk just seems appealing at the time.

I hate to hear that, Focus. I believe people dissociate to protect themselves. I have a supported employment client who dissociates when she becomes overly anxious or she's in a situation she perceives as dangerous. It doesn't happen often, but she hates it when she does. She said other people tell her what she did after the fact. I really hope your T can help you cope with the potential breakup or with the relationship if you decide to stay. It is very true, not just of alcoholics, but everyone...people must change for themselves, not others. Otherwise, the change doesn't stick.

I have confidence in my T...I'll be okay. Thank you Chopin

Murray - Junk is always appealing! I know exactly what you mean. Perhaps creating a sort of meal plan to follow or planning out meals ahead of time would help you stick to a healthier diet? It seems to work for me most of the time.

(((focus))) drinking has such high social approval, you feel like there's no middle ground, either you're a raving maniac or you're Amish. It puts "reasonable" people, if there is such a thing regarding alcohol, in a tough spot. I don't know the answer, but i've been there.

It really does. Being of college age, nobody understands why the heck I don't drink. They think it's weird. And if I say "alcoholism runs in my family" nobody really gets it. "One won't kill you," they say. Yeah well eff you, it just might. At least that's what I want to say ...

Hi couch friends. Back from the event. It went better than I expected. I did tell them we were disappointed by the change to open dining this year, but the guy we got tonight was more reasonable to talk with.

I wore boots with heels and my feet are killing me. Do we have a foot masseuse for the couch? Preferably a nice man who will give me a 30 minute massage?

Focus, I rarely drank in college. The pressure from others can be difficult.

Boy do I so know what you mean. It's frustrating. I come from a long line of alcoholics and I almost never drink. Over the years I have gotten quite a lot of grief over it, which never made any sense to me. People often acted like my choosing not to drink was some sort of affront to them. Anyway, I also find it very very hard to be around people when they are drunk. Sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your boyfriend because of this.

Sorry sconnie... No can do , here you can share my icy hot.

Anyone seen CE latley?

Thanks ((all))

((Murray)) - I get the same reaction. I think some people take offense or act inferior because maybe they think that we think we're better than them or that we're judging them... I don't think that at all! It's just a choice I've made...

You've all made me feel a lot better. I've gotta head to bed now though, genetics exam in the morning. Joy.

Hi couchkapeeps. The good news this week continues. First I find out last night that my t is moving out of state. Tonite, I just got home from the emergency room/hospital, took hubby as soon as I got home from work because his leg was swollen and he was in immense pain and could not bear to stand on it for even a few seconds. It had been sore for a couple days, but he thought it was a pulled muscle. Until the pain became unbearable today. Anyway we went to emergency room after the walk-in clinic place said they were concerned it was a blood clot. So finally after hours waiting in the emergency room they took him back and did an ultrasound and he has a rather large blood clot in his leg, mid-thigh, so they admitted him to the hospital tonite and started him on blood thinners and said he'll be there for a few days. I just got home, don't think I'll be able to sleep much tonite, don't know how I'm going to be at work at 7am. I think I'm going to call my supervisor and explain the situation and hope she understands that I'm calling in sick so I can go back to the hospital in the morning.

Morning all. artemis, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your H will be all right very soon - the ER is not a good place to be in for hours, waiting for an appointment, and of course you're thrown off by this. Vent if you need to.