Maybe T's Caring is Legit

This will come as no surprise to anyone who is familiar with my threads, but the other day I was trying to convince myself that my T's caring wasn't real caring because it was just part of her nature as a therapist. She cares about all of her clients from the get-go, so it has nothing to do with me...hence not real caring in my eyes.

BUT, as I was trying to form my argument, I think I may have proved the opposite point.

All I could think of was the fact that I care about all dogs. Whenever I meet a dog, I have an instant liking and compassion for it. The dog doesn't have to do anything, it's just how I am. Nothing special about the dog (i.e. nothing special about me).

So this was my grand example, but then I got to thinking about the somewhat recent loss of my childhood dog and how hard her loss was. How much I cared for her. I may care for all dogs as a default, but the fact that I spent so much time with my dog brought it to a different level of care. I loved her because of who she was, what she meant to me, how we grew up together.

Maybe this is the same way with therapists? Does this make sense? I feel like I've reached a different level of understanding about this.

Even though I might now comprehend and believe T cares, I still have trouble with her ability to care about so many people (clients) at once. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't have any personal experience with that. She has to care about some more than other..etc.

I can relate. I want and desperately search for someone to take care of me. When T does anything that's caring then I tell myself that she does it just because it's her job which I pay her for and that she wouldn't do it otherwise. For the most part, T's really do care or otherwise they wouldn't be in that profession (or be in it very long). I think it's just us that have issues with accepting that caring that perhaps we've never had before. In my case, I was somewhat cared for but it was on a conditional basis. With T, it's unconditional

As some people have pointed out, teachers are in the same boat...they love all their students - on different levels. Both T's i have seen said that if they truly didn't like a client they would refer them out...they do have a choice as to who they take on as a patient.

I think how you feel about dogs is a good way to look at it. What if you ran a kennel or dog shelter? I don't have dogs so I hope those are the correct terms. Suppose you had to care for 25 dogs? It was your job but you love dogs so it was hard work, but you cared so much about those dogs. Each was special in its own way. Maybe one had a special way of lifting up his ears when he saw you, maybe another one jumped on you, and another one seemed kind of sad but wagged his tail when you petted him.

Do you see what I mean? I bet you'd love each dog in a special way, all at the same time! I think that's how it is with our Ts. My T tells me I'm special, but I know she tells her other clients that too. Like you, I have trouble with this concept, but when I talked about it with her, she asked if I love both of my kids. Of course I do. If I had more kids, I'd love them all! I hope this helps somewhat. I DO think your T's caring is legit!

This makes sense to me.

This is very helpful. Thank you for understanding what I meant and helping me understand (a bit) the part that still confused me.

I feel like this could be a big turning point in my therapy...maybe...if it stick. I want to talk to T about it at some point, but we are currently working on other really important stuff.

Well stated! I struggle with this as well. I dont know how much time I've spent wondering about who is her "Favorite" etc. It doesn't help that I am naturaly competitive and I would just die to be that "fav".

It sounds like you are working through these feelings and I applaud you! It is inspiring to read.

I think as clients, we ALL get a baseline of caring from our T's. I don't think most T's continue to work with people they cannot like/care about on some level, or the therapy would be unhelpful.

But T's are human, and there are of course some clients they like more than others, some that are closer to their hearts.

Don't you have dogs that you love ALL of them, protect and care for ALL of them, but maybe there's just one you love all to pieces, maybe you slide her an extra treat every now and again?

T liking some clients more doesn't negate the baseline caring- it probably vacillates based on a lot of different variables, the same as you care differently about different people in your life.

I secretly want to be cared about, too.., but in real time I avoid it because I don't know how to receive it.

The biggest friction in my therapy is that my T does caring things for me (build up pillows for me to put my broken ankle on, put my shoes on for me, hold my hand, stroke my hair, hug me, tell me that she will hold my sword for me, carry my bag for me)...and even tho these things don't look like anything special they are a huge deal to me and trying to understand why she is nice to me has taken up a lot of my time recently. I asked her wed what she hated/disliked about me, and she started to say she dislikes when I get mad at her for being nice to me, but then she stopped and said that doesn't make her mad; it makes her sad that I can't accept someone being nice to me because I don't know what to do with it.