I sent her an email on Monday saying I wasn't coming back (after some stuff happened).

The next night she sent me an e-mail saying "hey i havent heard from you, how are you, I'm worried."

This morning at 9:14am she sent me an e-mail saying hey if you dont call me today I'm sending the police to check on you.

I did not reply to either bc my internet has been off (I am not paying it bc my SSDI is in jeopardy and if I lose it then I need every penny I have for real bills like rent and electricity) and I didn't get either of them until today. She didnt try texting my CELL or calling me at all yesterday or today.

So I was upset when, at 12:30pm, two cops just walked in my house like they own it.

So I texted her what the ****, you send two emails and automatically jump to call the cops? Seriously? Whatever happened to a phone call before doing something so drastic? Now she is upset/frustrated/irritated with me for "giving her "s-h-i-t for caring."

Those are her words.

Now I feel bad. But I still think it was retarded to call the cops without even attempting to call ME. The only call I got from her came at the exact second the cops were walking in my house.

She definitely should have picked up a phone before resorting to a welfare check by the police. Email is unreliable communication. She should know that. Don't feel bad about being upset about this. She was out of line in how she handled this.

[~EnlightenMe~]

(((TC))))
I agree with farmergirl, she was out of line in not calling you.

I do think that she did it because she cares and was worried about you, so maybe she wasn't thinking straight.

[autotelica]

I agree with farmgirl. Don't cuss her out though. Maybe apologize for being harsh (if you can swing this) and thank her for showing concern, but ask why didn't she text or call you. She was in error and needs this pointed out to her, but without judgment.

Yeah, she should have called you, and the cops are not allowed to walk into your house that way without at least knocking first. What the hell?

[autotelica]

Correct me if I'm wrong, TC, but I believe she is hard of hearing. So the police may have knocked and TC may not have heard them.

Originally Posted by autotelica

Correct me if I'm wrong, TC, but I believe she is hard of hearing. So the police may have knocked and TC may not have heard them.

lol no im not. my neighbor i deaf not me. i was on the toilet when they knocked

[~EnlightenMe~]

Ohhhhhhh, TC. I misread your post, I thought the cops knocked. Yeah, not good having the cops just walk into your house. Yikes!

[Focus62]

Under the right circumstances, police may force entry into a home when doing a welfare check. Usually they will walk around and look in the windows and if they see/hear/smell anything unusual, they do actually have the right to enter. They have to look at mail dates, things left on porch steps (newspapers piled up), etc etc to determine if perhaps the person is incapacitated/dead inside. If they didn't do any of that or didn't see anything suspicious, then I doubt they were legally allowed to enter, so I'm not sure why that would've happened. Maybe your T had told them you were at high risk for suicidal behavior (I'm not saying you are, I'm just thinking about what might have led the police to enter without permission)? Sorry that happened TC, hope things get sorted out between you and your T. I would definitely tell her that she needs to call you before she does any of that again!

[KazzaX]

OMG that would freak me out big time to come out of the toilet and there are cops in my house! Yes she should have definitely phoned you instead of the emails.

Oh my gosh i am sorry! Your t definitely should have called. Im sorry that happened.

I suppose a little strange she didnt try your phone, but I think she did it out of genuine concern. I would have found a way to let her know i was ok.

Originally Posted by kindergirl

I suppose a little strange she didnt try your phone, but I think she did it out of genuine concern. I would have found a way to let her know i was ok.

the point of terminating therapy is to not return. not to continue contact. why would i have contacted her again? she made expressly clear that im not allowed to email her if i am not seeing her for therapy.

[adel34]

Hi TC,
That was a little retarded! For her to just call the cops like that without talking to you? I would hate it too and be mad!
I'm sorry you're ending therapy. Things seemed to be getting a little better on that front with the connection getting stronger between you two again. Was this too much as it had been in the past? Or is it because your SSDI might be running out?
Either way we're here for you on this forum whether you're in therapy or not. And I agree about not contacting her if you really are ending things.

You're therapist was very wrong to have called the police. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I would definitely have an issue with trust if that had happened to me. Shame on the police for just walking in.

I would just throw out something for you to think about. You knew she was very concerned about you, and what she threatened.You said you did not have Internet to respond. Why did you not use your phone to call her or at least text her if you did not want to speak? Is there possibly a connection to the hug and kiss on the forehead that had you thinking this way, "I don't deserve to feel good. I'm a bad person!I'll don't deserve her. I need too much. I'm too needy! She'll hate me! She'll leave me! Etc."

TC, only you have the answer, not your therapist, not your mom, not your family, not me, and not the people on the forum. Your move TC.

I'm sending lots of hugs, and positive thoughts your way. And, I wish you clear thinking as you deal with some truths about yourself.

You do seem to have very intense sessions. I've never heard of such poor therapeutic boundaries before.

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

You're therapist was very wrong to have called the police. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I would definitely have an issue with trust if that had happened to me. Shame on the police for just walking in.

I would just throw out something for you to think about. You knew she was very concerned about you, and what she threatened.You said you did not have Internet to respond. Why did you not use your phone to call her or at least text her if you did not want to speak? Is there possibly a connection to the hug and kiss on the forehead that had you thinking this way, "I don't deserve to feel good. I'm a bad person!I'll don't deserve her. I need too much. I'm too needy! She'll hate me! She'll leave me! Etc."

TC, only you have the answer, not your therapist, not your mom, not your family, not me, and not the people on the forum. Your move TC.

I'm sending lots of hugs, and positive thoughts your way. And, I wish you clear thinking as you deal with some truths about yourself.

I DIDNT know what she threatened. I didnt get the emails until AFTER everything happened and I went to mcdonalds to use their internet.

iwas not trying to talk to her shes the one who wanted to talk to me, so SHE should have texted me, not the other way around.

and yea I do feel like I dont deserve her and shes going to leave me, but I still ask for and get hugs. So.... ::shrug:: I don't want to give her up. (well, I do every few weeks.) she said "what the ****, you cant just go quitting therapy every time it gets hard." i said yes ican i do it all the time, lol.

and she said well fine then it has consequences.

and she asked why i came to my session tonight after i spent all day quitting.

and i said because its my time. she laughed and said she was tempted to give my time away just to see what i would do since i told her repeatedly i wasnt coming. i'm glad she didnt bc that would have upset me way more than the police thing. its my time.

((((((((((((((TC)))))))))))))))))

I may be the only one here Sure she should have called before, but can you blame your T for worrying about you and your safety based on the last months?

I can understand why you got upset about this situation, but would it have made a difference if she had called in advance? How would your reaction have been and would you even have picked up the phone?

As I said I can totally emphazise with the whole "having police showing up without warning". I just don´t think you are being fair to her. You chose to terminate via email, she worries send you a couple emails back and you don´t respond. As I understand you have used emails alot back and forth between sessions?

She may have overreacted and from what you write obviously she should have try to call or text you. Still, I don´t think you are being totally fair to her.

For a T to do this she had to be extremely concerned for you. She may not have handled it "correctly" but at least try to validate her perspective to.

I suspect having suicidal clients who threatens SI and so on is not the easiest thing in the world and you already knows she is trulely invested in you, the treatment, worries and cares alot. Then you decide to terminate via email and don´t respond when she asks if you are allrigt?
She has proven over and over....AND over that she truly does care for you and trying to keep you safe.

I suspect the whole hug and a kiss thing got to much and this is why you are know " running " away from this attachtment starting to develop. That would make perfectly sense in your case..Yet all legally stuff and all set aside..she was just really worried about you because she cares and you sort of didn´t make her worries any less, first by terminating then not responding.

Sorry I may be the only one who feels this way and I have a hard time not being " a bit stiff and formal" when I write in English.
It´s written because I care about you to and with good intentions a heart I hope you know that already.

Edit to add: I can see you are responding to another post. Haven´t read it yet..so what ever it says keep that in mind,my post is not based on that.

Just read your other reply..just ignore what I wrote Seriously you make me do this and then smile afterwards sometimes....then sighing

Your T is doing a great job, TC. Talking about consequences and all. I do however think, you have alot of work to do. Go easy on her just once in a while, it will benefit the relationship in the long run. She seems to know you very well. Thats a true gift! Hugs

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

I DIDNT know what she threatened. I didnt get the emails until AFTER everything happened and I went to mcdonalds to use their internet.

iwas not trying to talk to her shes the one who wanted to talk to me, so SHE should have texted me, not the other way around.

and yea I do feel like I dont deserve her and shes going to leave me, but I still ask for and get hugs. So.... ::shrug:: I don't want to give her up. (well, I do every few weeks.) she said "what the ****, you cant just go quitting therapy every time it gets hard." i said yes ican i do it all the time, lol.

and she said well fine then it has consequences.

and she asked why i came to my session tonight after i spent all day quitting.

and i said because its my time. she laughed and said she was tempted to give my time away just to see what i would do since i told her repeatedly i wasnt coming. i'm glad she didnt bc that would have upset me way more than the police thing. its my time.

TC, thanks for responding. Sorry, I miss understood the details.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

and yea I do feel like I dont deserve her and shes going to leave me, but I still ask for and get hugs. So.... ::shrug:: I don't want to give her up. (well, I do every few weeks.) she said "what the ****, you cant just go quitting therapy every time it gets hard." i said yes ican i do it all the time, lol.

and she said well fine then it has consequences.

and she asked why i came to my session tonight after i spent all day quitting.

and i said because its my time. she laughed and said she was tempted to give my time away just to see what i would do since i told her repeatedly i wasnt coming. i'm glad she didnt bc that would have upset me way more than the police thing. its my time.

TC, you're playing games again with your T, and those games are going to blow up in your face one of these times. Your T may take you at your word one of these times and cancel your session, and honestly, you won't have any right to be upset about that. You will have done it to yourself. It's NOT your time if you tell her you quit or aren't coming. It is HER time, her business, and it's her option to schedule someone else in that spot once you cancel.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

TC, you're playing games again with your T, and those games are going to blow up in your face one of these times. Your T may take you at your word one of these times and cancel your session, and honestly, you won't have any right to be upset about that. You will have done it to yourself. It's NOT your time if you tell her you quit or aren't coming. It is HER time, her business, and it's her option to schedule someone else in that spot once you cancel.

Lol when I wrote my response my first thought was next up.....Farmergirl... Thanks for writing what I am not able to for whatever reason. I agree totally, just think the T has is under control and knows her boundaries/TC´S mechanisms at this point. But down the line a have to agree if this "game " continues

Originally Posted by farmergirl

TC, you're playing games again with your T, and those games are going to blow up in your face one of these times. Your T may take you at your word one of these times and cancel your session, and honestly, you won't have any right to be upset about that. You will have done it to yourself. It's NOT your time if you tell her you quit or aren't coming. It is HER time, her business, and it's her option to schedule someone else in that spot once you cancel.

I have to agree with farmergirl. Why don't you try making a pact about when you can and can't cancel. Pacts are not contracts. I made one with my therapist, after I cancelled, showed up, and she wasn't there. She was running errands. Boy, did I feel bad, but its never happened again. I have sent her emails (rarely) talking about wanting to cancel, and she reminds me of our pact, and I show up.

Its hard to stop the mind games, and I know you'll do it TC. Good luck!

[Asiablue]

I think there's many people on this forum who would love to have a therapist like your who cares so much. I understand your fears, trust me i feel the same about attachment but why would you put her thru all this when all she is doing is trying to care for you? Can you imagine what it must be like to be worried about someone you care about, that they are going to harm themselves and then they go off the radar? Wouldn't you panic? Wouldn't you do what it took to make sure they were safe? Better to overreact and find them safe than so nothing and discover too late they'd killed themselves.

Give your T a break, and see that her actions were well meaning.

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

Lol when I wrote my response my first thought was next up.....Farmergirl... Thanks for writing what I am not able to for whatever reason.

Hey, someone around here has to keep it real, right?