Welcome to couch number 23!

I am finding myself very happy here by myself this evening while H works tonight. A huge sense of freedom. Went to Wal-mart (ugh) and the grocery store. Then practiced the piano. Never turned the TV on. Dead silence, surrounded by my 3 doggies. This is a little bit of all right.

Just don't tell H I said that. He said, "I'll miss you," before he left. His Ambien put him to sleep this morning, but didn't keep him asleep all day. I feel bad for him. This month of nights will run him down, I know it.

He has to work the day before Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving night. So, my parents are coming over the Friday after Thanksgiving to celebrate. My parents have been very respectful of his work schedule through the years. The years of swing shift were the worst. He's worked every holiday at least twice, some during the day and some at night. I know that our active military (granite...this is for you) don't even get to come home for the holidays, so I'm very grateful my H gets to come home almost every night.

Good night everyone. My meds are kicking in.

Can I just vent for a minute????

I am SO upset, I just want to cry.....I went to my last class before my show on Friday....and my daughter stayed at my sister's house cuz my mom was watching my sister's kids today.

My sister and I don't get along very well. We tolerate each other - and we do fine in social situations - but she has always been the kind of person to put me down to make herself look better. She's only said maybe one nice thing to me in my entire life. When I was a kid and my parents would beat me incessantly, she would chime in - either by hitting me, throwing things at me, or mocking me to humiliate me.

As adults, we love each other...but we're not close. And her husband isn't very fond of me. He acts civil towards me, but my mom has slipped a few times with telling me some of the things they say about me behind my back....and it's just hurtful.

My niece is the exact same way. She puts people down to make herself look better....She always has to be "right"...and she always has to be the center of attention. I love her, but I can't stand her, kwim?

Well, all of a sudden, they decide they want to go to my show...I really should've said no. I don't know what I was thinking at the time....I never thought in a million years that my sister would want to go - unless it's to tell everyone behind my back how awful I was. My niece originally wanted to go - until she found out that my set is only 5 minutes and said it wasn't worth paying $15 for a ticket if I was only going to be on stage for 5 minutes.

My BIL is deaf, so my niece will be interpreting. She then kept texting me while I was in class saying I needed to be sure she got a place on the stage, with proper lighting and that she needs the material in advance so she can prepare. She's using the experience for practicum hours since she's getting an interpreter cert.

I told her that she wasn't getting the material in advance. I am not asking each classmate to provide me with their acts....Just NO.

I told her that she wasn't going to be on stage. It is 4' x 8' stage, and we don't need the distraction. She will need to sit near BIL and interpret from the audience (which we've done in our family for years, mind you - you don't have to be on stage to interpret unless it's for a group of people).

I told her that I didn't want to be distracted during my show, and I'm sure my classmates would also not want the distraction.

She started barking about how it's the law and that's the way it is at most events, etc. I told her that I understood that, but that this is not a public event - it's a private function for my classmates - so it's not about what's the law and what's not. It's ONE person that needs an interpreter, so we don't have to make a big deal out of it.

She bickered on...

Finally, I told her that this is MY show, MY night, MY time to be in the spotlight, NOT hers. I must've sounded like SUCH a selfish brat....

I don't want THEM to be in the spotlight. This is MY night....STOP trying to ruin it for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my T and many people in group T will be there, supporting me....I don't want my sister and niece to go anywhere NEAR these people...GET AWAY from MY SUPPORT AND LOVE.....

I am SO sad right now.....

Good for you!

you go girl it is good for you to let this me your night and dont let them rain on your parade.it is your show and you time in the spot light and it is so awsome for you. don't feel bad about it

mue, niece is NOT using the hours for her practicuum. how long has she known about it? she should be asking for the texts herself. If she doesn't have time, sounds like she missed the boat on this one, SOOORRRYYYYY!!! Better luck next time. Failure to plan ahead on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part. IT'S YOUR SHOW, not hers. Period. The hankster has spoken. now stop crying and take care of your throat. you don't need this kind of stress.

mue

Thanks everyone....

The hankster has spoken....

I hate how this situation just stirs up so much of my childhood angst....I was constantly hurt, diminished, humiliated....while their egos fed on my pain....the jealousy I felt about all the love my parents had for HER while they were hating ME....

But all of these feelings can't be good for my throat....LOL...so I'm going to try to put it out of my mind and rest. I feel a migraine coming on.

*hugs MUE* Take care of yourself above all. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. Who cares if you sounded selfish? You had every right to! It's your event, your classmates. Not theirs. Let 'em think what they want, but just remember when you look out into the audience you'll see those who really care about you shining through proudly at you- Your T and group T members, not your niece or anyone else who played a role in the situation.

Anyone still up? I can't sleep even with my melatonin....

Good morning! I hope the USAnians are asleep. granite, I'm sorry your family is like that. mu_e, your niece sounds like she needs too much attention all the time.... she doesn't care about the law (which doesn't apply anyway) for the right reason, she only uses it as an excuse to get HER way. Good for you for putting your foot down. chopin, it's ok - more than ok - to enjoy an evening's solitude!

I'm still here Apt... writing a letter...

I like you, CE

Leaving for T in an hour. The fear is not so bad now. It will return though, I suspect.

Sorry you can't sleep, sconnie I can't hang on the couch right now, must shower, eat breakfast, pack my stuff and do other morning things. Hope you'll be able to sleep soon.

A recurring theme on PC is the "family scapegoat".

I don't doubt the reality of this, but even in my most twisted imaginings I can't see why any family would need one.

Morning all. On my way to Boston, listening to the Stones and crying. H is driving, he's crying too. My kids were up early for hugs and a time of meditation and prayer. I ate some cultured soy milk and some chia juice. Packed a bag of stuff for distraction, but I know I won't use it. I will stare at the ceiling and fight the tears. Not feeling like big strong wiki right now. Feeling more like a scared little wiki who has to fight a big bad giant with a chainsaw in his hands.

Love to all...sorry it's all about me lately. I do care about what's going on with all of you too..honest.

(((( Wiki )))))

Please don't apologize...It's ok. It really is.

(( HUGS ))

((((((((Wiki)))))))))

We love you so much. I'm praying for you.

((((((((Wiki))))))))
I love you, wiki. You're there for us when we need it. Don't apologise for allowing us to be there for you.

((((((((((((((((wiki)))))))))))))))))))))

Wiki I am sending you thoughts and prayers of strength. You can do this. You are strong Wiki.

2 hours of sleep is going to make for a looooooong day.
Decided my three page letter of concern is going to both doctors at the clinic as I am not really sure who is in charge there.

Praying for you today Wiki!

Wiki you can do this.. Your a fighter, you have an amount of strength and courage which far surpasses the average person. You are super Wiki, its ok to be scared we are all here for you... Draw from our strength and prayers. We love you.

wiki my heart is with you today .i want to reach accross the web and be with you so bad good luck today check in if you feel up to it. you are strong even if you dont feel it.dont confuse healthy fear with lack of strength.
i love you bunches

morning and hello T tuesday