Welcome to couch number 23!

So, I had this odd thought combination as I was eating dinner tonight...
I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like when therapy comes to an end yet I find myself wishing I had weekly sessions with t.

At our one year mark in August, t admitted she didn't think I would be there for an entire year and I told her I thought I would be there for at least year... because I knew how much baggage I had. Lately I feel like I've been having those leaps and bounds in progress which is both exciting and terrifying....I want to see t more and I feel like I may be racing toward fewer sessions and eventually being done.... It is just... odd...

Wikid, this is OUR couch! Please feel free to talk about whatever you want here. Or don't talk about it. Whichever feels better for you. Whatever you feel like doing is fine with us. We love you either way.

My T was wearing tan slacks, tan socks, a black checked shirt and black shoes.

Today my T wore black pants, a white long blouse, and a black jacket. I think she also had some kind of scarf, not black or white, maybe grey. I mostly looked in her eyes today. They're a pretty greyish-green.

healed: I hope your kids feel better soon!

wiki: Please post whatever you want or don't want. I'm sorry you have to go through chemo. I hope it is not too painful for you.

granite: Hiding out, listening to music, and talking to your son on FB are okay things to be doing. I'm glad you're in touch with him. Good luck tomorrow--T is tomorrow, right?

lola: Feel better soon!!!

sconnie: Leaving therapy is bittersweet. I don't like to think about it.

You don't want to know what's already gone through my evil little head along those lines! bwahaha

T was wearing a white & blue button down shirt & dark wash pair of jeans.

Wiki - sending hugs and good thoughts your way!!

It is NOT out of place on the couch at all. Everyone here wants to support you any way we can.

I cannot recall if the woman was wearing pants or skirt or dress

Anyone still awake on the couch?

Awake and awake and wide awake.

Trying to figure out how to go to bed. Strange statement but sore all over and know that sleeping is hard when things hurt. Already took something for pain but not helping. Feeling bad for myself.

i'm up and watching election results. also - wiki - i'm with pb & rain - please feel free to share as you like. hope you feel better.

Triggered

Gonna try to sleep this off....maybe I'll be more sane in the morning.

((Wiki))

Because you'd be cured, or because you'd give up?

My T admits she often expected me to give up.

I expect to die on the couch. And that's OK.

Good morning Couch.. It is back to work for me today. I am really looking forward to a 4 day weekend this weekend!! Anxiety has been getting worse and worse... hoping I can gget through the rest of this week. I see T on Friday.

Yes, a little. I was too freaked out to be able to talk much, so T changed the subject back to what we had been talking about before to get me to calm down, I think.

Thank you for asking, CE.

I admit I cannot handle the thought of that. My T and I were discussing that I think that I have been in therapy too long at two and a half years and I should be done by now. He was trying to get me to stop beating myself up, and told me that if someone came to him and laid out the level of trauma that I had experienced and then asked how long he expected that person to be in therapy in order to recover, he would say 6-10 YEARS. I started cursing at him and told him no way I was going to be in therapy that long. He assured me I didn't HAVE to be, but that is the amount of time it would be reasonable to think someone would need to be in therapy.

mkac - 2 things I find interesting: one, that you cursed; two, that your T actually admitted a range of 6-10 years. That seems reasonable to me. But I'm with CE - I'm dying on the couch

See, me cursing at the thought of doing this for the next 4-6 years (in addition to what I've already done) seemed completely reasonable. I don't enjoy therapy. Really. At all. I like my therapist very much. But the actual process is something I find horrible and uncomfortable. Can I ask why me cursing was interesting? Was it not reasonable?

I swear during therapy appointments all the time. And I do not like therapy as an activity even though I do not particularly dislike the woman. I do it because I hope it may be useful, not because I like doing it. 6-10 years sounds like agony.

Good morning!

((((Wiki))))

A busy day ahead. Meeting with my troublesome coworkers and boss. Figuring out my role in SE.

Today is my mother's birthday. H is supposed to call me when he is finished with his doctors appointment to go see her. I haven't seen her in 5 months.

I had a realization this morning. I read a part about authenticity in the Brene Brown book. It is hard for me to be authentic because I don't really know who I am. What is my identity? Who am I? Certainly something to think about.

Have a great day!