[tangerine]

Hi I'm new here, I'm looking for advice right now, hopefully you guys have some, sorry if this gets whiny or annoys anyone.

Anyways, I was in therapy (through my old university) over a year ago, at the time I was going through a rough time, had some anxiety issues, suicidal ideation and was kinda depressed, although I lied to the T when he asked about it (which was often.) That summer I moved back home to work, and whent through a really rough period (crying everyday, withdrawn, sullen ect.) When I whent back to school in September my mom wanted (nagged) me to go back into therapy but due to a) guilty fealing about waisting the T time when other student's could use it and b) the last visit with the T involving role playing that I thought was bizarre (I don't have much of a imagination and to me it was still a middle aged man acting out a female 20 something.) So I lied to my mom, told her I was still in therapy (when I wasn't) and after a eventual period told her that the T had said I didn't need to return to therapy.

My life was getting better during this time to, and the 'sorta-depression' started to sorta-lift, there were still times where I felt depressed but they wern't as frequent or severe. Unfortunatley I started to 'SI' during this time. I've never cut deep enough to require stickes, although there were a few times when stickes would have been advisable. As well I gave myself a skin infection through obsessive hair pulling of leg hair.

Close to the end of term I was starting to get more depressed/ stressed out and was cutting more and more, so I whent back to the university T again and admitted to the stressed out fealing and cutting ( I was to embarised to admit to the leg har pulling.) I made a second appointment to talk to the guy and hopefully get a referal to another agency. Unfortunatly I had to cancel the second appointment due to a work commitment.

Since then I've been feeling more and more 'depressed' (sorta like being emotionally squashed by a garbage compactor) and I'm still cutting myself.

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry this has taken so long. Anyways I guess my questions are a) if you think going back to therapy would help (since I've already been in therapy once.)
b)If you know if it's possible to get case notes from one agency to another so I don't have to re-hash everything to another therapist.
c) I have faith based EAP, I am not a very spiritual/ religious person (although I respect those who are) would this make a difference when choosing a therapist ( since this is the most cost-effective option and I have a tuition debt to pay off.)

Again I'm sorry this is so long

[Christina86]

Hi tangerine!

Welcome to PC.

I (used to) go to a T at university too (actually should be going back... yeah, I have problems with a) on your list too!)

Going back into therapy will help - you just need to find someone who works out the best with you. Also helps to try not to lie (which is difficult, and I do it a lot).

It is possible to get notes from one agency/therapist to another. It involves signing a release of information, and talking with the people on both ends to make sure that they are both okay with it.

I don't know how to answer your final question, but I don't think it would make a difference.

Hope this helps... take care of yourself and PM me anytime.

((((tangerine)))))

[9874]

Tangerine, welcome aboard!

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Clearly, you are in great psychic pain. Otherwise you'd not be doing the SI thing. I wish I could erase your pain, or "cut" it out of your system. But the only way out of it is through it. I sincerely hope you find the courage to check out another therapist and if you feel ok with him/her open up your heart and talk through the pain that is bottled up inside. The release that will eventually follow is well worth your effort!
Sending you gentle hugs and a blessing for healing.
Take gentle care!
Love,
9874

[(JD)]

Welcome to PC ((tangerine))) I'm concerned about you too! There's no such thing as kinda depressed or sort-of depressed when you are entertaining suicide I'm glad to hear that you are returning to therapy, and hope you realize it's for your benefit... to share and work hard.

IMO the background education / credentials are what are important with a therapist... there are plenty of faith based counselors who are quite adept and there are some clinical psychologists that aren't. It might not be a good fit with the first new T you try, but please keep looking for one you feel you can share with... you're worth it! TC!

yes i definately think, getting into therapy can help along with forming a supportive enviornment of friends. Hope all is well.

[bipolar_bear]

I think it is a wonderful idea to go back to t. As one who has SI I can't imagine "going it alone". Usually there are some papers you have to sign to transfer your file from one t to another but it really is no big deal. I hope you find a t that you connect with. Don't give up if it is not the first that you try. Good luck.

Welcome.

First thing that stands out is please be careful. I recently had a friend die of blood poisoning because he had a leg infection. I don't want that to happen to anyone here.

And second I can't tell you if you should be in therapy. only you can say if you should be in therapy.

No matter which way - going or not it has to be because you want and need to be there based on what your problems are and what you want to solve during therapy.

If you don't want to do role playing the therapist is not going to make you do role playing. Tell the therapist you don't want to and they will back off.

Therapists gear the sessions based on what each individual client brings into the sessions and what they want to do.

For example my next appointment my therapist and I will be doing a relaxation visualization and recording the session. This is something we planned together at the last two sessions.

But its not etched in stone. If I go in and want to do something else I tell LL and we do what I want to do.

Basically you get out of therapy what you put into it. If you don't stop the therapist and say no this is what I want to talk about and this is what I want to do, all the therapist can do is guess what to do based on their training and what has worked for their other clients.

So suggestion - sit down and write down

Why YOU (not your mother) feel you need to be in therapy?

Why YOU want to be in therapy?

What are YOUR problems?

What do YOU want to accomplish in therapy?

What are YOU willing to do during therapy?

What are YOU not willing to do during therapy?

Brainstorm ideas for solving your problems.

Then based on those answers decide if you need and want to be in therapy.

If so start looking for a new therapist and then take that paper in with you and show it to the new therapist.

You will basically be going into the therapist with your therapy goals already. then its just a matter of your therapist and you following YOUR therapy plan.

Not set by your mother
not set by your therapist.
Your therapy plan set by YOU.

Hang in there.