CBT Question...

Okay, first things first.

New counsellor, and I've only seen her three weeks (so three times) so far.

She got under my skin in the first session, which suprised me. Told me all about the roles people play in relationships (the hero, villian or victim).

Second session. I had signed a release of information from my first counsellor, so she had the info. Got a bit more under my skin, and told me to stop hiding behind the mask that I wear. (Which I found hard to do obviously, but I find it strange that she's been so forward).

And then finally the third appointment this past Wednesday (yesterday). Is it normal to make fun of the client and be sarcastic back when I'm doing it to her? I'm not excusing my behaviour entirely, but I didn't want to be there, and had an exam in 3 hours!!

And now my questions...

I think she's based in CBT, from what I've read about it and now what I've experienced. Not sure though. Any particular way to tell without directly asking?

And is it (can it) be this difficult and can I dislike her this much after only seeing her 3 times? I know its probably what I most need (I have big bad cognitive distortions and whatnot) but is it normal to actually dislike her this much?

*sighs*

Okay, I might be making a mountain out of a molehill, but I'm finding it hard to cope with things right now so I NEED to go. I don't really want to change counsellors either. She is going on vacation soon so I'll get to meet someone else (and may stick with them), but I highly doubt it.

Is it normal to make fun of the client and be sarcastic back when I'm doing it to her? I'm not excusing my behaviour entirely, but I didn't want to be there, and had an exam in 3 hours!!

Part of a therpaist job is to repeat back to the client either by exact wording and behavior what they the therapist is hearing and observing. I forget the professional terminology for doing that but the purpose of it is so that the client feels heard, validated and sees what the therapist is seeing and hearing,

when I was in a parenting class it was with a therapy agency and a therapist ran the class and used her therapy sessions sometimes as examples of how to parent a child. and she used this example of the therapist copying the clients behavior and words as an example of how to talk to a highly upset child by getting down to their level of understanding and height.

When my therapists do this to me I don't pass it off and keep quiet about it. I tell them "ok point taken I was being sarcastic and you didn't deserve that" and then explain why I was being sarcastic and rude. I do that because I know therapist can't help me if I don't be completely honest with them and hide behind sarcasm, and so on. If I don't want to be in that days session I don't take it out on my therapist. I call them and tell them I'm not coming in today because and then tell my reason. or I go to the session and right off say "I don't want to be here today" or "I almost didn't come today because..." or "I only came in today to let you know Im not staying because... and it was too late cancel the appointment." By doing this my therapist knows whats going on with me, I am disrespecting my therapist, an my therapist knows she can use the session time for other things then being subjected to being disrespected and worrying about why I didn't show up to sessions.

Welcome to the world of T's! Yes, some T's can be quite...aggressive. This is the sense I get from your interpretation of her, anyways.

As much as you may dislike her and her methods now, I believe this will be the most beneficial T that you could ever get. You will probably get farther in treatment with her than the T's who are into coddling their clients.

I had a T just like yours. Hated her in the beginning but after a few years I loved her and still do. You know what I regret? Moving away from her and not being able to receive treatment from her! She is known as "The Badger" among other names. You get the drift. The T that will push and push you and be straightforward with you and very blunt and seemingly harsh is the one that will help you the most. Just my opinion.

Give this one a chance no matter how frustrated or hurt you get by her. She's your ticket to recovery!

I would not describe that as CBT. A CBT therapist works on your cognitive distortions and negative though patterns; they're not taught to be "sarcastic" and make fun of the client. It sounds like that might just be a personality characteristic of your T? There is no treatment modality that encourages sarcasm and making fun of the client!! Honestly, that just sounds like a style thing to me.

HOWEVER....if you don't feel that it is a good fit, you have a right as a consumer to work with a therapist whom you feel comfortable and safe with.

Thanks myself

I did wind up telling her that I didn't want to be there so we had a nice discussion about anxiety (I have major test anxiety, and as it turns out moderate-high levels of unsubstantiated anxiety as well)

I guess I know what to expect now. And I'll try to be a little bit less sarcastic too!

Thanks Lexicon

I don't know how to explain my first counsellor. She wasn't one to "coddle" but she did seem nicer to talk to. I know I need a good swift kick once in a while, so hopefully she'll be "useful".

Thanks shrinkjamie

It probably is a personality characteristic. I don't mind it much, just a bit of a shock to be with someone with such a personality. I guess I'll give it a while longer and then re-evaluate if things are working or not. Also, I just noticed that I forgot to mention her work during the last session on my (profoundly negative) thought patterns. So does that fit?

You all are wonderful and thanks for the responses.

I also don't think a confident T needs to lower themselves to sarcasm. Even when you have cognitive distortions, it can still take a gentle hand and lots of patience to get you to come around... that is therapy imo.

Three weeks isn't much time to become comfortable with a T, imo. Since she's already shown negative atributes, that might be adding in to your lack of like for her. I don't blame you. If you have a choice for a better fit of a T, then take someone else to help you.

(I think some therapists who don't truly understand the workings of CBT can become cynical and sarcastic. Sometimes they just do it to get your attention, or to give you what you are giving them...still, I don't agree with that approach and won't stand for it myself. )

You need someone who is consistent and patient. Good wishes

Your welcome. I called the parenting class instructor to find out what the word was for what she does. she said its called "mirroring". the client says something and then the therapist reflects or mirros it back to the client. She also does it the other way around where she has the client reflect or mirror what she says and does.

Glad you were honest with her.

By the way I have come right out and asked many of my therapists what their therapy approach and role models come from and not one of them were offended. in fact they were rarely surprised when I asked them. So if you want to ask your therapist what type of therapy she specializes in she probably wont think nothing of it, and will most likely answer you.

Thanks Sky

I was told that I'm sarcastic, but its never been shot back at me before! I think that is something that has to change. Will "try out" a new person when my current counsellor goes on vacation

Thanks again myself

"Mirroring" hmm? Sounds interesting. Thank you for that. Its great to know that its actually a procedure or thing done, and not just a personality quirk. I think I will ask her when I see her again next week. Darn curiosity has the better of me!

Mirroring or reflecting back what you see is sometime that I have been taught at school but I doubt that being sarcastic would fit that. I was taught mirroring more as reflecting the emotion back. When you are sad and I want to relate to that, I might reflect part of the emotion back.
As for disliking her, I can relate. My first T had an annoying habit of getting blunt. This irritated me and fascinated me. My newer T had me worried that she didn't have the guts to get blunt with me. But, she has that ability. She is just gentler at it. So, I end up trying to figure out her thinking. I was glad when I saw that she had that ability because I need to get banged upside the head sometimes because of my extreme tendency for all-or-none thinking and other distorted thinking.
I would try to figure out if you T is trying to challenge your thinking or just being sarcastic with you. Challenging thinking can be done in a gentle way.

you're welcome canders

It is interesting...at least when Im the mirror LOL don't like it so much the other way around. Luckily LL hasn't gotten that comfortable in predicting my moods and so on ...YET.

She doesn't "mirror" with me. and to be honest she doesn't need to she's bold and says it the way it is. If she doesn't like something she tells me flat out, and if she sees me going the wrong way she says either "I wish you wouldn't go there" or "No don't go there"

SKR and I would slip into "mirroring" and yea it included the two of us being sarcastic and B-itchy at times. We were able to let loose like that with each other because we both had total trust in each other and knew that when those times happened it was for a reason not for hurting and disrespecting each other. During therapy time we had the type of relationship where we were 100% honest with each other and went with the flow if one or the other of us was in a sad, or sacastic or happy and so on down the list of feelings we went with it and took it where ever it ended up. I remember this one day I wasn't feeling so hot just plan crabby and SKR came to my house and the first words out of my mouth was a sarastic "busy day today huh?" She calmly shut my door , put her purse down took her suit jacket off and at the same time said back to me in the same tone and attitude I gave her "Yup I'm running late again" she did it in such perfect imitation of me that I couldn't help but laugh and say "well at least you weren't in la la land" and she said back keeping a straight face and attitude "no but you were the last time I talked to you so Whats up?" then she broke her mirror too and gave me a hug.

I went through one psychiatrist & three therapists until I found the right fit for me. I agree that you are the "consumer" & you should be happy with the service you are receiving. The therapist I "hired" specialized in bipolar so she could really help me understand my symptoms & I signed a release that she could talk to my meds provider. That was a good move, because I once came into the therapy session deeply depressed & suicidal & didn't want to "bother" my provider. The therapist immediately called my meds provider & got me in to see her. She added Wellbutrin to my mix & it helped immensely. Now I've been stable for 3 years so I've discontinued therapy. I was asking her how her week was! I really could let go of so many issues once I got on the proper medication.

I have absolutely no understanding of therapy issues, but if your therapist was really making fun of you, it probably is not part of her therapeutic background. It might be that she didn't mean to be sarcastic but to give feedback in some way.

As for CBT - why does it actually matter what it's called? When you have cognitive distortions, obviously you need to get rid of them and CBT could be helpful, but if it's helpful or if it's not, doesn't change what it is called. By the way, why don't you just ask your T what theories she subscribes to?

Thanks Hopefull. I do need to figure some stuff out, hopefully I get the answers today.

Thanks myself.

Thanks Suzy5654. I'm happy that your new therapist was so effective! I'll try to be the consumer and shop around until I find the best "fit". Thanks

Thanks Elfgirl. Thanks. I was just curious (not my finest moment, being a psych major I should know a thing or two... but I don't) Thanks.

BTW

A main way we pick up feelings from clients is by (consciously or unconsciously) mirroring our client. We do this by assuming similar postures, movement and breathing patterns, facial expressions, etc. We can use mirroring actively to gain a sense of our client, but we must always remember that this sense is coming in through our own filters from our own life experience and feelings.