[lonelyplanet]

Hi all Just wondering does your T accept presents for Christmas etc. I'm new to this, but I really would like to get a present for my T for Christmas. Please don't tell me to ask her if she accepts them, because I know she would probably say no. I want to get her something and I'm just wondering what you guys think.

1. Does your T accept them?
2. Any ideas on what I can get her.

I don't know anything personal about her, but I would love to hear some of your ideas. Any help would be great.

ps I know its early for this kinda question, but am trying to get organised lol

My T is currently moving to another state, and we had our last face to face session monday evening. (which i've been posting a lot about lately of course!) Anyway, I made her a gift and brought it with me monday evening I did ask her first if I could give her a small gift to thank her for how much she has helped me over the last 12 months. she said only if it's something small or I can't accept it. i told her it is small and I made it myself and I gave it to her. She was more than happy to accept it, and she loved it I could tell! It was a small crocheted doily that I made and I turned it into a bowl by adding stiffener and shaping it over the bottom of an actual bowl.

[Miswimmy1]

This xmas will be my 1st one with my t. But my t and celebrate every holiday we can Or I guess I do, and my t follows along? lol anyhoo... I give her stuff all the time. Usually its something edible (like chocolate with a funny wrapper or something clever like that).

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

Hi all Just wondering does your T accept presents for Christmas etc. I'm new to this, but I really would like to get a present for my T for Christmas. Please don't tell me to ask her if she accepts them, because I know she would probably say no. I want to get her something and I'm just wondering what you guys think.

1. Does your T accept them?
2. Any ideas on what I can get her.

I don't know anything personal about her, but I would love to hear some of your ideas. Any help would be great.

ps I know its early for this kinda question, but am trying to get organised lol

Highligted. Some T´s will be okey with it, some won´t. If you suspect that she probably will say no, why do it?...Anyways if you decide to go ahead something really personal may be a good idea. It can put a T in an ackward position to accept a "normal" gift.

If you are not going to ask, then be prepared for T to not accept it and how that will make you fell. I learned this the hard way. I agree with LBC something not expensive, preferably hand made is best.... food is always good as it can be shared, ie... cookies etc.

[Miswimmy1]

I wouldn't surprise t like that. Especially since holidays are a supposedly happy occasions. I do think something handmade/homemade would be the best way to go. Howeever, is that going to hurt you more if she refuses to take it? Either way, it puts you and t both in an awkward position. I wouldn't do this to my t, becuase it would probably cause a rupture if she didn't take it. And that sucks to be in the middle of one in the middle of the holiday season. just imo

[Taptaptaptile]

I have no idea if my current t accepts gifts.

With past t we gave each other presents. Small silly things usually.

I would go for something inexpensive or handmade. Hand made cards are lovely

[lotsofq]

The best thing to do is ask. My current T accepts christmas gifts because most are hand made. We talked about it, and it was a good conversation. We discussed why I felt the need to give T a gift, and what kind of limits there were (price and such)

[stopdog]

I don't know for sure because I have never had the urge to give the woman a gift. But I suspect she would accept some token, homemade item.

I've given my T lots of little gifts over the years...usually something small that is significant or meaningful in our relationship. He accepts gifts, and the WAY he accepts them is perfect. He makes everything I give him seem like an absolute treasure. I kind of love it.

I can't remember if I asked before I brought him the first gift. Considering how shy I was early in therapy, I can't believe I even brought him anything!

It seems to me like maybe it would feel better to ask and hear "no" than to try to hand her something and be told "no". For me, gifts feel like a little bit of myself, and it would be hard to have it rejected, even if I understood it was a policy. If I was unsure, I really think I'd ask first. Even something like "have any of your clients ever brought you a gift?".

[Wren_]

maybe think about why you want to give a gift if you are pretty sure the response would be your t doesn't accept them; then it becomes something that could be awkward between you both and not much of a gift at all?

My t and i find any reason we can to celebrate. We are big on gifts. Especially since she is out of the country, i looooove sending her care packages, but honesty i did this even before she left We get t stuff like glittery nail polish, stuffed animals, funny key chains, silly looking socks, we made her a scarf for her birthday, things like that.
She really likes it when i make her stuff, like homemade treats like cookies and cakes, or homemade bread. Can you do something like that? T also likes home cards. Also, if you think your t might not accept gifts, how about writing t a nice heartfelt letter about how much you appreciate her time and energy and compassion? My t likes it when we write her stuff like that.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

Please don't tell me to ask her if she accepts them, because I know she would probably say no. ... am trying to get organised lol

If I gave T a gift and she refused it, I would be devastated. Far better IMO to ask ahead of time and avoid that whole possibility.

of course if you ask ahead of time, you may get that old T standby, that wiggly-eyebrow look and 'what would it mean to you, to give me a gift?" routine. With a reaction like that I'm not sure I would be confident enough to give a gift anyway.

[lonelyplanet]

Hey guys didn't get a chance til now to read the posts. Thanks a million for replying. I think ehhh most of you guys should be actually Ts yourselves. Love all the advice and yep I think I would be completely shattered if she didn't accept it, so I think I won't bother taking the chance. Also, I don't want the whole why do you feel the need to give me a present ...... so I guess I'll just skip it altogether.

Thanks for all the input

[bamapsych]

Early in my t, I was so scared that I'd cross her boundaries and get kicked out of t. I asked her how I was supposed to know what the boundaries are. She mentioned that small gifts are fine on occasion. I've never gave her anything though. I had a Thanksgiving card yesterday and couldn't find the courage to give it to her I plan to give it to her at my next appointment in 2 weeks.

If you decide to give her something, I suggest food, homemade items, office supplies, something related to psychology or therapy. I have saw Frued sticky notes, stress balls, mood magnets, etc for sale online.

In my case, I knew my T accepted gifts because they are all over his office: everything from little McDonald's Happy Meal toys from his kid clients to figurines and photography, etc. from adult clients. So yes, I have given him a present (a few years ago). Not something I've done more than that one time; I don't feel in any way compelled to give him gifts at any particular time of year or anything.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

.... you may get that old T standby, that wiggly-eyebrow look...

OMG how well I know the look you mean!! LOL I have a love/hate thing going with that from my t!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

If I gave T a gift and she refused it, I would be devastated.

of course if T gave me something (anything at all), I'd be thrilled down to my socks.

Will I ever tell her? No way.
of course if she's reading PC, after telling me she wouldn't, then she knows, eh? Hi there T....

[CantExplain]

It's a bit of a running gag, but I always recommend flowers.

[autotelica]

I have given her so many things that I have literally run out of stuff to give her.

So for my Thanksgiving present I'm going to look her in the eyes and tell her that appreciate her very much.

[EeyoreSmile]

So yesterday I went to T and it took me the long way around, but I asked her if she would accept a gift from me in this season of holidays and giving and she said yes, as long as I was okay with it and it didn't cost a bunch of money.. I said oh no, it didn't... and I flipped it on her.. "I have to trust you with this whole therapy thing, and so you can trust me that I won't get you anything that would make this whole thing weird" ha! She said, I trust you.

I even promised her that it was practical and had a use, she's a minimalist and doesn't have just randomness around her office and has admitted to being OCD about her home LOL So i'm excited... cause I was nervous she would say no.. but she didn't :-)

[feralkittymom]

I love the therapy coupon book idea and would have been all over that if I'd known about it at the time. I never gave my T holiday gifts, other than good wishes for the holiday. I gave him a box lunch I made once. It was sort of a celebration of feeling less depressed and interested in cooking again. And I gave him a small item related to his hobby upon retirement.

[WikidPissah]

Once I brought xT a starbucks coffee. He was always getting that mid day cup of coffee during my session, and I knew he loved starbucks. And that particular day I wanted a starbucks myself. SO, I brought him a black coffee (because I didn't know how he took his). He didn't touch it. I even said "you can add cream and sugar if you like". Set it on his desk and it got cold. I felt like a schmuck.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I just bought my T a small angel with wings and a halo and it says Love. Yup, I'm smitten

Saying "thank you" is good enough. You can give a card or write a letter, just stay away from sentimental and pricey gifts. Those kind of items can cause hurt and disappointment, especially if your therapist refuses to accept them.

My psychiatrist will never receive a gift from me. It would be very awkward for the type of relationship we have. When we part ways, I intend to write her a letter. If she shreds it, I am fine with that.