Welcome to Couch 27

is december just a hard month for therapy?

There is something wrong with her, for sure.
Ts are supposed be stable.

My got angry with me only twice:
1. She was angry with herself for letting me email her too much.
2. She thought I was dumping her.

And to be honest, neither of these times reflects very well on her professionalism.

Hmmm.. You are right, it seems quiet a mood swing so to speak from the way she usually speaks with you. I wish I had insight, I know if I were in your shoes, I would want to get it all solved right now, lol. I hope you and T can get through this. Was there anything in the session that was, good, or productive? Maybe you can think about those things.

Help me.

Chopin, you're not crazy.

It was more than a month ago when I had my first BAD session. I was in absolute tears, and I'm never like that in front of anyone. T didn't respond to that all. She just lectured me about...myself, and all sorts of things. She said she was frustrated (later when we were talking about it she said she'd never been so angry with a client before and that she wouldn't have been angry like that if she didn't care). I was shattered. She wouldn't even look at me as I left. I thought it was the last time I'd see her because I could never return to that. Just recently she asked me to consider the fact that it wasn't about me and that she wasn't functioning at her best.

My T maintains that she was reacting to things in me (like unconscious anger, that I wasn't even aware of). But she pushed WAY WAY too far and WAY too hard. She nearly lost me...I still feel unsure about whether we'll survive. But anyway, it wasn't just me she was reacting too, it was her stuff too. I don't think you're crazy at all.

Ike - hope the job thing works out

RR - now I want potato chips even though I can't taste anything

Chopin - she sounds crazy.

I have never dyed my hair. I have never thought about it. Finally it is turning grey some, but my hair is light so it is hard to see.

Oh, Chopin. I wish I know what to say that might help. You are not alone is feeling a shift in the therapeutic relationship. It can be so painful.

ETA: it sucks, really.

Chopin, keep talking.. we are here for you.

Thanks for listening and trying to help. I took my meds a bit ago; once they kick in, I'm done for.

She also took this session as the opportunity to remind me that I want to work on breaching her time boundaries (true...I brought it up 3 sessions back). She stated that I said in my email that I would have told her how I felt at the end of the session, but she had to prepare for a Skype session (true). She said it shouldn't matter whether she has a client after me or not, if I want to respect her time boundary, I need to leave when the hour is up.

While this is a good point (because I have a habit of trying to manipulate the time of others...not just T), today was just not the day.

Chopin - Yes do keep talking if it helps. It led to the worst month ever for me, and many things continued to get worse for a long while. My last session was the first decent one I've had for a while. It's been SO hard. So I know it can lead to really awful feelings that are so hard to cope with.

My T said stuff like that to me too. I pay for 50 minutes and that's it, and it's her choice to do anything outside of that (or not). Ouch, right? I hardly ever contact her either.

my therapy is very up in the air... my only goal at the moment is to try to heal the relationship. i don't know where it'll go (or if it'll go) after that.

I hate it that it always seems to happen to a bunch of us at once.

Here's the thing; you probably don't know the background with my T. She used to consistently let my sessions run over by 10-15 min. One time, she asked me to fix a bracelet I made her after session...we shot the breeze and she shared about herself until 35 minutes after session, then we walked down to our cars together ("because it isn't the best neighborhood"). I offered to walk her down to her car after a session a couple of weeks ago (it was dark) and she politely refused. Another time, something was wrong with her iPad. I made a (mostly) sincere gesture to help fix it. She said yes. That day, I stayed 45 min after session trying to fix it.

I do remember reading about some of those things. My T also changed like that suddenly too. Although it wasn't with time like that. She'd text me to check in on me sometimes and it helped hugely with my attachment issues (she was still out there, after all). She told me it wouldn't be happening any more because it was too friend like (despite the fact that it ended up being about one text from her and a reply from me once a fortnight or so). So I do know how it feels to have things shaken up suddenly when you don't really know why, or where you wen't SO wrong. I don't know if all my examples are actually helpful for you. I do want you to know that I hear your pain though!

Chopin

I should go to bed. Even though I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow it is going to be a long day. Good night couch. I am guessing I will awake to a new couch.

I'm just dashing off to my horse. I hope he's a little better today.

Chopin, I am sorry. I don't think she did the right thing by you today. She did go too far. It wasn't helpful. So I'm sending you strength. It takes quite a bit to get through the feelings this stuff brings up.

And some strength to you too RR! Now that my T was finally a little more herself, and gave me back a little of my own strength. It's pretty rough though, isn't it? Let's just hope my T stays like herself...and not the weird replacement who has been standing in for her for over a month...

Take care all.

(((( Chopin ))))

Wow. I am speechless.

I can imagine how excruciating this feels....to be so off kilter with the T relationship and to feel like your T is not herself. When I think back to the times that T and I have been through similar experiences, it is so incredibly painful.

It really does sound like something set your T off...Makes me wonder if it has anything to do with you at all, as it seems so out of whack.

Please post as much as you need you, to get all of the toxicity of the situation out of your system.....

((( HUGS )))

FWIW, I think she has not been responsible about boundaries, has either found it increasingly irritating or just realised her mistake, and is now frustrated with HERSELF. She's trying to reformulate the boundaries now, but she should be talking with you about her part in this--not throwing it on you.

I went through a period of being very upset at the end of sessions, so much so that I couldn't drive. My T didn't want me sitting in my car, so he let me stay in the room while he finished up paperwork, etc in the outer office for 10-15 minutes. Then he'd come back, see that I'd pulled myself together, and tell me it was time to go.

After a few months of this, one night when he came back, he told me that he wasn't sure he had done the right thing by letting me stay. He was frustrated, but definitely not angry. And he didn't blame me for his decision. We talked about it. I expressed that I had found it helpful, and that I didn't think his letting me stay or not had any bearing on what was or was not working during session.

The important thing is, while he expressed his frustration, and self-doubt, and may very well have felt some resentment of my accepting the time, he owned his action/reaction as his. He didn't try to turn his decision and feelings to being about my issues.

Thanks everyone for all the support. My meds have struck, so going to bed. Good night!

Kitty, you make a couple of good points & I'll respond in the morning.

Hugs to all!!

Wow Chopin. I didn't know that was going on with the times. My T may hug and smooch me, but boy he is a stickler for ending times. And it does feel very boundariful, to coin a term. I would be totally out of control otherwise.

If there isn't a new couch by the time this posts, I'll do it.

That does seem parallel with my T's email rage.

A T allows a patient a great deal of leeway.
Then she decides enforce the rules more strictly.
This is a horrible blow to the patient, who has done nothing wrong but feels punished and rejected.

I agree. That's exactly what I was trying to say.