Transference with group T

I am in an outpatient treatment program for depression and anxiety. I'm finding that I feel anxious in group when one particular therapist is heading up the group. This therapist has not said anything wrong to me etc... I find that she does challenge me in group but in a good way. I need to be challenged. Today I told her in a private conversation that I feel anxious when I'm in a group that she is heading up. She asked me the questions..... does she remind me of someone?.... is it her communication style?.... etc... Needless to say I have homework/thinking to do. I wanted to start here hoping for some clarity. Your thoughts?

She asked some good questions. Are you finding any answers yet? You had that prof who triggered you. Is this similar? And good for you for sharing this with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it's great that you told her that you feel anxious when she facilitates the group. It seems like transference in a group setting would be more complicated, because there is not only your interaction with the T to consider, but also your observation of her interactions with all of the other members. Maybe you feel like she challenges you and not others? Or that she comes to others' rescue? I'm just throwing out random ideas, not saying they pertain to you.

With the prof I had I wanted to cry everytime I was in class because I felt like a failure. So that was different however I did view her as a strong woman in her drive and accomplishments in life. Something I admired. I also did see her weakness of being insecure.

With the group therapist I'm assigned to I really like her. I think I have a lot to gain from her 'no nonsense' yet empathetic style. When she has group she sticks to the guidelines of that particular group where the other therapist is flexible. Having said that I also feel like she's almost calculating and cold in her form of speech. I think what she has to say however is very thought provoking and she is very insightful (I discovered through her observations of me that I am obsessive about things - something my husband was happy to hear ). She also said that I fight my emotions to try and control them. I know what I can do to cope with my emotions so instead of embracing the coping skills and dealing with the emotions in a evolving way I try forcing myself through the emotion by using the coping skills I know. - this is something I need to work on. - accepting/feeling my emotions before trying to cope with them. I find that I fear emotion. I also learned that events like on Friday are triggers for me and bring up the feelings associated with my traumas.

She's More insightful than my own therapist in many ways. On my first day in the program the group therapist was saying an observation about another group member that I felt was offensive. I'm thinking that perhaps with that being one of my first impressions I was nervous about her. She also gets irritated by the sound of wrappers in group (I do to so I'm glad she has rules about that). I don't know if it's her rigidity perhaps that reminds me of my mother? There is a perceived coldness about this therapist that I can relate to being like my mom. However this therapist has smiled at me and said hello when passing me in the hallway and has said some very nice things to me based on what I've contributed to the group. I also feel just by her looking at me she is going to see something in me that's horrible and I find that terrifying. Perhaps I'm afraid she's going to see the feelings I hold onto and then reject me much the way I was rejected by my mother. My mother never protected me from my abuser. I was always afraid of her finding out about my secret. For example my mother always handled situations like me being bullied at school by scaring me into being physically aggressive with the bullies the next day. "Beat them or be beaten by me." she would say.

Just some thoughts I'm trying to process...... Thank you for reading

Looks like you've gotten somewhere with this already! I'd imagine the connection between this T and your mother is worth exploring....sometimes, once we get to the bottom of it and are able to separate one from the other, the feelings dissipate.

I'm impressed that you talked to the T about your discomfort! That took guts!

One of the things one of the group therapists mentioned was that we get the most out of group therapy when we are most honest with ourselves and others. There have been some big things I've shared in group and have been surprised how many people can relate to what I'm going through. It's been a very validating experience in addition to having the therapists give there interpretations of a situation or of my obsessive tendencies etc.. The one particular therapist that I've been feeling anxious around is very articulate and extremely insightful. More insightful than any T I've seen so far including my own T. I feel like this group T 'gets me' more than any other therapist has.

I may never be in this position again to do this type of day treatment program so I'm using it to the best of my abilities to learn as much about myself as possible. In addition the therapists that run the groups are really great and are good at teaching coping skills etc... plus I have access to the Psychiatrist anytime I need to see him when I'm at the program. The program I'm in is for 5 weeks. The first two weeks are 4 days a week and there are 4 different types of therapy groups in one day. The remainder of my time is 3 days a week with 3 different therapy groups a day. The best part of group therapy is that as you help and interact with others in the group you learn a lot about yourself! - much more than I ever have in some respects compared to individual therapy. This time I have is short and I'm lucky to be in such an amazing program. I'm doing all I can to get the most I can from the experience. My insurance pays for the cost of this program after I pay my deductible of $2,500. Not cheap but worth every penny! and thankful I have insurance coverage.

I'm glad you're making the most of this experience and not letting it go to waste by allowing resistance to take over....that's awesome! I hope you're documenting your journey, as it may be helpful to look back on when you've completed the program.

Most certainly I am documenting it. I have a journal that I write in when I make a new discovery about myself; how I'm feeling bad or good; a new skill I have learned and any experiences that I find important to remember.

So maybe she makes you nervous because with her radar vision and insight you can't hide!

You are doing such good work with this!

I think you are right! and thank you!

I am afraid of showing my emotions or even exploring them at times and I find that with her insight she will 'call me out' on them or find something.

In group today I talked about this. I told the group therapist that I'm afraid of people who are very insightful. I am afraid of my emotions and I'm afraid that people who are insightful will see my emotions.... the very emotions I try to avoid. Being around these types of people is threatening because it means I have to be aware of my feelings. Feelings are scary.

Great work!

I figured something else out!!! I FOUND A PATTERN AND I UNDERSTAND IT!!! I look up to and admire women who are older than I who are smart and accomplished/successful. I put these women up on a pedestal to aspire to or I seek their acceptance/approval. There acceptance to me is a form of validation that I am worth something. I never looked up to my mom but I always tried to hide from her. I was afraid of her. I never felt loved and truly accepted by her. I feel that powerful successful women in my life represent my need to be loved and accepted by my mom and what I wish she was like as a mother figure: smart, successful, and kind/nurturing.

Great insight!

Thank you (((sannah))) and everyone reading this for helping me figure this out. I feel like the emotions are that much more 'tolerable' or less powerful when I can make sense of them.