Discussing Anger

T and I have never really discussed anger. (Not anger with t, but anger in general or anger at myself or anger at others.)

After going through some medical stuff I am finding myself incredibly angry with the healthcare system as a whole. Like I want to punch things angry.

But I am worried about bringing this up with t. I don't know why. Perhaps I am afraid I will offend her or that I will just fly off the handle about all this in her office and she will end up taking the brunt of the anger when in fact I am not angry with her at all.

Just wondering how others discuss the topic of anger with their t.

I don't mind being angry, so talking to the therapist about being angry or being angry at the therapist or something else while in the therapist's office is not hard for me. The therapist has stated she does not take it personally and I have no reason to think she does. I swear a lot.

I have talked about anger many times. It's the one emotion that I have an easy time expressing. The therapist always handles it well. I don't think therapists are bothered by anger at all.

They say depression is anger turned inwards, and I was very VERY depressed for a long time. For many months in therapy I was pretty flat in affect, just spoke politely and was pretty detached about things.. I didn't think I was angry, or that I displayed anger.. but T must have been picking up on something.. It finally came up in my therapy when one time I'd had an issue during the week and I brought it up. I said that it surprised me I got mad because I didn't think I had any issues with anger... T's response? 'Oh but you DO!' My face?

Further on in therapy and I started getting 'real' and feeling my emotions.. and these emotions started to come out in session. One time she actually pushed my buttons to MAKE me mad and I knew she was doing it, and she knew I knew she was doing it. I was trying so hard to squash the feelings down and be my polite self, but T kept audibly noting all my body language that tipped her off, teasing me about all the ways she knew I was angry. It was kind of funny, and I was laughing at her, whilst trying to stop all this rage surging up. She'd say things like 'You're pissed off at me now, aren't you?' And I was like 'No! At least not at you...' I didn't want to be mad, I can't even remember if I knew WHY I was, and I couldn't imagine actually being mad with my T... but in the end I had to admit defeat and do what she wanted to have me do to process it. I emailed her later and told her 'well played' She replied 'Thank you '

I think I was afraid to show T my anger, because I didn't think she'd approve? But by her demonstrating that it was okay for me to have the feelings I did, and that she accepted me anyway - warts and all - it was freeing.

After that, T steadily got to hear more and more of my ranting about various things, but again, not AT her, just TO her... and she said it was good in a way that it was coming out, like I was 'emotionally thawing'...

Fast forward a couple months or so, we had the rupture and then she got anger directed AT her also. That didn't go down quite so well... ... but she maintained she could 'take it', whilst telling me it's an issue I need to work on. Emotionally I currently seem to be something of a toddler having tantrums. T says because I didn't learn to deal with my emotions properly when I was young, I just used to squash them down and 'put them in the pressure cooker' which would blow occasionally or would fester and make me depressed or ill... now I have to learn to deal with emotions as they come up. Hopefully that's something she can help me with when she gets back off her epic Xmas break..

JSG - thanks for the insight. I have dysthymia and the idea of anger turned inward makes sense to me.

What is interesting is t said that medical situations like mine can be the impetus for change and we maybe haven't seen what sort of change that will be for me quite yet. I am guessing the anger I am feeling is part of the process...at least I hope that's what's going on right now.

Ive always read and experienced that anger is the easiest emotion to go to .... so I agree T should be equipped to deal with that.

Some of it is that t and I have been good lately. I've actually liked going to sessions. I don't want to wreck that... yeah, I know. That's silly thinking. If anger is an issue that's what I should discuss... it's about me not t.

[QUOTE=sconnie892;2782309
I've actually liked going to sessions.
[/QUOTE]

That is crazy talk.



(I am kidding)

sconnie, i have dsythmia too, and my T likes to tell me I have a lot of anger (at my mom), and i'm always like "Pssshhhttt, T, I don't feel angry." To which she replies that "I know you don't, but you are."

After 4 YEARS of her saying this on and off, I finally am coming to agree with her I'm a slow learner. Anyway, anger is a big issue for me. I only direct it at myself. My T has said to me a few times "I wish you would get angry at me." I just look at her like No way!

So I guess talking with your T about anger probably isn't as a big of a deal as it is for us.

Stopdog - I know. Liking sessions. I never thought I would say it, but it's true.

Velcro - Thanks for the insight. I think that's what is different this time. I am not aiming the anger at myself. I want to aim it at other people...and since I haven't done that much in the past it feels foreign and a bit dangerous. I guess t and I need to discuss healthy ways of dealing with and expressing these emotions.

Yeah not as slow as I am.

I am afraid of being angry. I keep it all inside then suddenly I fly into a rage and it's scary! I never feel angry until it's intense. I have talked to my c about being afraid of being angry and afraid of others being angry at me. He says I have a lot of anger inside but I don't know what to do about that yet.

i have SO much anger aimed at my T right now it's scary! But i can't ever show it. But it's all there and i have no way to expel it.

I also believe depression is anger turned inwards. I totally believe that's where my depression stemmed from.

Anger came up in 1 of my sessions a few weeks ago and we talked about, trying to get to the heart of any anger I might feel, but instead we mainly established that my anger patterns are very "normal" compared to the rest of the world IRL. :/ T did express that he can imagine that I have a lot more anger than I let on, but I'm not quite sure I'm at the point where I can identify and express it yet. He even mentioned trying to get me to express it in session (never) but I told him I couldn't. One of my big things to work on to identify my emotions better in the future.