Does this scream CSA to you?

Sannah, I'd imagine that's what he's saying.

The thing is, I don't want to put myself out there. I want to be content with the idea of never falling in love or being with a man again. I want to never have that longing for affection.

I've been doing fine without a partner for 4 years now. The idea of allowing someone into my heart and to be vulnerable like that feels like a total impossibility. I am perfectly content raising my daughter on my own. I don't need a man's financial support (even though I am in a dire financial situation, but that's not the point). I have hobbies and friends that fill other needs. I take care of my own sexual needs. So, really, it's that whole excitement/lusting/longing for affection that crops up every now and then that needs to be gone.

I'm not sure how to act on that.

I can understand where you are at right now. Choosing not to act is also a choice.

Ah, yes, choosing not to act is a choice....I guess I'm just trying to figure out what kind of act needs to take place for me to destroy any of "those kinds" of feelings. *sigh*

Thanks for the support, Sannah.

I'm not sure that the need for intimacy can be extinguished.

Dag nabbit....

I'm not sure exactly what gestalt based group therapy is like so let me take a crack at it:

Someone brings up a topic and other people in the group ask a question or give support to the person who brought up the topic. Often the therapist would then direct to the people offering support/asking questions why they said xyz and how does the question or support relate to themselves?

That's part of it....although the therapist has very little involvement in the process. It's more like people then respond to the person responding to the person....LOL.

So,

A shares something in group.
B, C & D respond to that person, sharing what they're feeling, whatever judgments they're making, how they react, whatever.
E & F sit there quietly not saying anything.
C then tells B how they felt about B's feedback to A.
E chimes in and tells C how they felt about their reaction to B.
...so on and so forth...

...Often times, the issue that A presented in the first place is lost as the focus turns to what is going on in the relationships within the room at that moment which is the primary purpose of this kind of group. So, I often feel resentment about my willingness to be vulnerable and share in group because it, at times, just serves as a conversation starter so that the rest of the group can do their work.

Have you told them so?

That was one of the problems with the Bad Group. It just moved so fast I couldn't keep up with the rapidly changing emotions.

If I thought they were listening I would have told them that.

I told them I felt unheard but I don't feel they heard that either.

I have expressed it to T and the group in the past. It's actually a very worthwhile group to learn how we navigate through relationships, what works and doesn't work, etc. - but it's not a place to get advice, solve problems or deal with crisis issues in a focused and effective way. It's not your typical "support" group.

I hated that! That's Bad Facilitator in a nutshell.

You could have fun with that aspect of the group if you feel people aren't hearing what your hurting about :-) Talk about the weather or tell a funny joke

That would be fun, LOL....But then it would be picked apart.

B - "MUE, you are coming off as passive-aggressive, and it makes me angry"
C - "MUE is trying to make a point, I see it and she deserves to be heard!"
B - "But it's the way she went about it that I'm commenting on, not the issue itself. I'm focusing on PROCESS. And it irked me."
MUE - "I wasn't put on this earth to give a rats behind about you being irked. HEAR ME, DAMMIT...oh and as an aside, I didn't irk you. You were irked by why I said. Own your feelings, dammit."
D - "ACK! I am SO triggered right now by the loud voices! Make it stop!"
C - "OMG, D, we need to focus on you now. Who is MUE? I forget"....

E: MUE, did you listen to what B said? He it irked him. Not you.

Good call. But then again, B judged that I was being passive-aggressive - and judging is discouraged. Instead, expressing our feelings and taking ownership for those feelings is encouraged. And, since one person perceives it as passive-aggressive and reacts to that judgment - while another person perceives it in an entirely different way and reacts quite differently - there's no real telling who really did what to who because everyone's issues play a factor as well. SO much involved. And all quite valuable.

But STILL not quite worth getting the process rolling at my expense...

And, this whole example is made up, btw....

Of course.