"suck it up, cupcake"

Button, I don't know that she is ignoring me, only that she hasn't answered.

i trust her. She won't play games with me.

thanks

This is true, we don't actually know anything until she tells you herself, she might not have even seen it yet.
Sorry that was just my issues and fear of not answering getting in the way My ex t played games with me and thats why I worried about the no reply this time, sorry.

I don't think T replying to my emails is 'wiping my nose'. Not all emails are about a runny nose. I find that sort of attitude a defence against being vunrable & about fear of rejection.

No one mentioned you, EM. in fact two people who have posted on this thread have stated that their T has always replied to all their emails.

now that you bring it up - I think you said something like (paraphrase) I don't mean to brag, but my T has always answered - gee I guess that does sound like you think it's something to brag about (whether it is or isn't, I have no opinion).

All I know is my own situation; if I have a crisis and T is there, that is what I think is most important. No I don't demand that she answer everything I send, but since I only email when something is up, like a bad dream or a spiral, then yes I am reaching out, needing her reply; and not getting a reply is going to cause a reaction in me. that's just the way I am.

SAWE I really appreciated your comment about not knowing that she's ignoring you, just knowing she hasn't answered. That's so logical and it's taken me a long time to think like that. It really wasn't until you posted that that I suddenly realised I'd come to think in that way sometimes too.

I too, often have a reaction as I only reach out when I really need help. Though I used to think it was all about me, why me, and all that. I think by having my T not answer me sometimes, that it's got me to this place of understanding that the lack of reply is usually more about T and not me. So, yay for T's who sometimes "ignore". Er, I don't think I'll pass that pearl of wisdom onto my own T though.

I always bring this stuff up though. I'm not very good at letting it go, but it has helped me to move forwards. I hope whatever happens at your next session, that everything works out for the best.

>> SAWE I really appreciated your comment about not knowing that she's ignoring you, just knowing she hasn't answered. That's so logical and it's taken me a long time to think like that.
actually one of the other PC people told me that in this thread - !!

I too, often have a reaction as I only reach out when I really need help. Though I used to think it was all about me, why me, and all that. I think by having my T not answer me sometimes, that it's got me to this place of understanding that the lack of reply is usually more about T and not me. So, yay for T's who sometimes "ignore". Er, I don't think I'll pass that pearl of wisdom onto my own T though. you made me grin at this Nightlight thank you

I always bring this stuff up though. I'm not very good at letting it go, but it has helped me to move forwards. I hope whatever happens at your next session, that everything works out for the best.
thank you!

Oh, I managed to miss that! In my defensive, I'm trying to study at the same time as post here. Bad, but I'm so unfocused that I just don't study at all otherwise.

The no response stuff, when it's been previously agreed on and when it's relied on, can be tough, but surprisingly it seems to be survivable for even the most overly sensitive people like me.

thank you, this is something I ought to print out and carry around!

Sitting, I am not playing tug-a-war. Switch & bait isn't my scene. I hope you find a resolution.

thanks EM. No games here.

I hope the same for you!

Dear T,

The next time I am spiraling I think I will send my 'reach out' email to my own Yahoo address instead of to you.

True, I won't answer - but neither do you - and if I don't answer, at least I won't waste any time wondering why.

SAWE

I was not looking for a bow to me, or whatever that is, nor was I suggesting to you that you did a TMI, nor did I imply that you should SIUC. These are your assumptions, your issues, but I don't much appreciate them being assigned to me-- if that's what you are doing, I'm just not all that clear about it. I am finding this thread confusing, but that may be at least partly my issue.

So T...
if interpreting your silence as not-caring is 'mind reading',
why should I be expected to interpret your silence as just being so busy, but caring nonetheless? that's mindreading too, isn't it?

I told you once that the problem with silence is it's open to any interpretation by the other person. bottom line - I would expect any business contact to reply to me in a week's time; not different for you.
Very disappointing.
I see a lot of not-talking coming up this weekend, a lot of innuendo or chat to fill the time. in fact the urge to cancel is increasng, as the time between now and then grows shorter.
SAWE

At the moment, I'm not feeling terribly positive about the whole reaching out for help situation myself. I do actually write texts out now (and I never texted frequently to begin with) and then I just save them to drafts and that's that.

I think the true goal is to ask, rather than assign any motive.

yeh right and I don't want to! In five yrs I have had this scenario so many times. If someone says "I will always answer, unless you say you don't need me to" and I don't abuse the email privilege, then why not answer? In a week? How long can it take to punch a few keys?

I really feel like cancelling. I felt unheard in the last session, I felt unheard afterward when i was spiraling - why go in there and be unheard again, up close and personal. Grrrrrrrr.

I feel like preparing a book report and just reading that out, which would be total hiding, a total waste of her time & my money. This is stupid. Better not to go. Instead of driving, maybe I should just park.

I do believe that sometimes parking is a useful thing to try. For me, sometime a short break gives me time to clarify and regroup. Sometimes it just lets me see the difference in going and not going - which is also useful information for me. Sometimes it is useful for me to go in and rage at the woman for all the ways she has failed.
Good luck with it.

Go SAWE as you need resolution over this , so it will quit eating at you.

SAWE - I've got a few questions and I'm sure you've mentioned them in your posts already, so I apologize if you have.

How long have you seen this T? Has this happened in the past? If yes, how did it get resolved? Have you ever confronted your T with other issues that have occurred between the two of you?

Sblue, I will send you a PM.

it's not getting better.
I find myself imagining things I can say, all of them somewhere at the very bottom are punitive, which is STUPID, and I hate them. I refuse to do that.
this is wayyy out of proportion.
it's not getting better.
and I do NOT want to own up to any of it.
I don't want to talk about it.

how on earth will I do this. Go in there and say, I don't want to talk. Got any cards?

I saw your other post where you mentioned not getting the thank you card your T mentioned. I think it's possible that sometimes, when something like this email being unanswered becomes a really big, awful thing, that it can be because of a whole lot of times in the past when you've felt forgotten, disregarded, or ignored. My T too has made a lot of the same mistakes, and they have been really difficult.

I think it's really important to try to go back and deal with something that has become so big. I didn't go back with a plan, after my T forgot to get back to me after my first desperate cry for help in four years. I didn't know that I was going to be able to get in my car, or drive there, or park, or walk to the building, or get in the lift, and even when the lift doors opened, I didn't know that I was going to be able to step out of the lift. I did though. I think it's important to try.

I'm not even sure how much better the situation was for me after one session, but it was a start. It's all a little bit better now, but it's not great. I think I've still got a way to go. If I hadn't, then I guess the pain would have stayed with me for a long time until it was buried, along with all the other stuff that can't easily be accessed, or dealt with. Far enough away that it would be one more thing that no one could help me through. The next time something similar happened, I might not even remember why it was so much bigger still, compared to the last time it happened.

she answered. At least I know that I will go, and not skip.

thanks, all of you who offered support / encouragement

I am glad to hear she answered.