Welcome to the Couth that Would Not Die - Episode 37: Clean up that Cool Whip!

PDOC in an hour. Try to remember to breathe.

MKAC the house spiral staircase I think was on the last couch, the first house was a few couches back, careful though I think SAWE sold them there couches.

So I guess in my sour mood today that I upset some people on the board.

Obviously, I am on the couch sometimes, but I am not part of the 'core' crowd, so my perspective is going to be different. My issues with the couch are not a secret. I have trouble with it. Feel like an outsider. I don't think the couch is inherently unwelcoming or unfriendly, but so many of you have been in it for so long that I do not think you understand how daunting or exclusionary it can be at times. (I know you say and believe all are welcome which is true. Just in practice it is different. Which you also admit can happen. I know it's not a secret.)

From where I sit, I have seen a fall off in responses to threads outside of the couch. I would bet money that an actual study would show that. Often, the couch will be active but the thread below it will not have had responses for 30 minutes to an hour. People even admit that they may only visit the couch or that it is the first thing they go to. I just think it is sad when a thread where someone asks for help or is in pain gets less than 10 or sometimes less than 5 and then we have the couch or social threads that get 10+.

I have seen first hand how helpful it has been to many of you, but I feel like you may be discounting the aggregate effect. But, perhaps I am alone in feeling this way.

(((MKAC)))) I was just kidding about the oh so cute little piggy I'm still gonna be eatin some bacon lol

Related to something I read elsewhere about a lack of responses being somehow connected to the existence of the couch, do you guys think that's true?

From my perspective, I know that there are people who ask for help on other threads, and I try really hard to be supportive and if I have anything relevant to say, I usually do. But, because of my own issues, I have a HUGE problem with people who are pushy about bumping their own threads, or saying that they want more responses. So there are some people whose threads I rarely respond in, and then only when I feel that I have something to contribute that I believe will be really helpful and no one else has or is willing to mention. I think many of the forum participants are unwilling to speak the hard truths that some people really NEED to hear in order to grow and heal. It doesn't seem like the people who are really attention mongers stay long on the couch because they just cannot deal with a thread where it is not all about any one person, and we participate however and whenever we please.

[And Lola, try to keep that mind when those folks are irritating you. Mostly the people complaining are just those people who are so attention hungry and self centered that they cannot handle the more communal nature of this thread. Just consider the source and go on. ]

I am uncertain about participating in threads where I have little knowledge or experience with the subjects. And I am generally REALLY reluctant to ask for help from others. The couch feels like a less risky place to ask for help.

I am not sure any of this is making sense, but I am getting anxious about the possibility of the couch being moved just because a few attention seekers are having a problem with feeling ignored just because a few things they post get overlooked or not responded to.

I don't think so.

so how was T Lola?
Maybe you could get a bacon cheeseburger on your way home

If the other threads are being responded to or not is irrelevant, as there is no requirement to comment on all threads. The idea of a core group is a label that is assigned to all who frequent the couch thread. The feelings expressed are not due to the couch thread itself but more about how person perceives the thread and chooses to respond to it based on their own insecurities. If one feels like it's an "inside" group that is their issue. The couch is welcoming to all. If you want to jump in, jump in.

MKAC, I don't know if you're referring to me when you mention attention seekers. I will just say that my comments do not come with any request/reports to have this thread removed.

You were NOT among the people to whom I was referring. I was unaware until today that you had a problem with the couch at all. I must have missed the posts in which you commented on it previously. I admit, I think of you as being part of the 'group' that I expect to see on the couch at least sometimes. It was your statement about the other threads not getting responses, though, that I was discussing.

Yep.. RTS, breathing treatment is the neb with albuteral. Got two of those while at urgent care. He did not spend me home with a rx for a neb, just for a daily inhaler (advair) and a 5 day course of steriods. He wants me to follow up with my regular doc and talk about all of my options. I guess my triggers are illness/allergies.. So, I need to get a control on what allergies really trigger me and be better around germs (hello, I work in a kindergarten room). It was a wake up call- b/c I was dx a couple of months back and was told I needed follow up and I never did.

see if you can get him to bet on tonight's game (pardone my mentioning it here of course). that might ease the tension a bit.

I think the couch cuts down the number of threads, since people can post things here that they might otherwise start a new thread about. I don't think the lack of response on some other threads has anything to do with the couch. There are lots of other threads that get multiple pages of responses.

So, I'm waiting for my pdoc and the receptionist says she's running a full session behind. Like they didn't know that in time to call me so I could reschedule? I'm not a fan of this pdoc anyway, so this just confirms it. Sadly, she was the only one in my insurance that would see me without me seeing just them or an affiliated T for therapy.

I definitely own my feelings in this, I think. It is a personal issue for me. One that I am trying to work on in therapy.

But I feel like your perspective on it divorces anyone here from having responsibility or role on the board as a whole. Like if a rock is dropped in the water, you can't blame the water for rippling. The couch is very popular. I don't think it's crazy to say that when one thing is popular that it might be siphoning off traffic from something else.

We're definitely not required to respond to threads. I just feel very deeply that there has been a drop off in responses to other threads. Maybe that would have happened with or w/o the couch.

Nice SAWE...first jumping on the couch, then selling the old couches and now GAMBLING? I'm taking this up with the council!

Long day... I got to work, and the secretary said big boss man wanted to see me. So, half an hour after getting work I have a 45min talk with him, that was not at all easy. Then, my asthmas gets bad and ask for a sub. I feel bad, I left my co-teacher to do a lot by herself today and today was a busy day. Anyways, spent 2hrs in urgent care getting breathing treatmens and being monitored. Now, that I am home I am getting dinner ready and then I need to get valentines stuff ready for my daugther's class and for the k'ers.. Ugh.. I just want to lay down!!But, I can breathe right now and that is what counts!

I think it might have had more to do with the recent admonition from docJohn about supportive responses. I know it has for me - I don't generally respond now when the person just wants a hand pat for something I don't feel I can fully support.

Ohh and about the couch... I just jumped in halfway through and everybody accpeted me know problem. I was not one of the "founding memebers" but I feel at home here. I think if anybody really wants to join in the fun, it can happen. The problem is..b/c of the nature of this board. People get offended pretty easily (imo) and you may get offended if one of your replies goes unnoticed or we are talking straight to you. My suggestion.. Yell cool whip, talk about food, and at one point a particular part of a women's body got people's attention

I love the couch.. I do spend a lot of time on the couch. However, I do respond to posts that I feel like I can contribute. And at times that means, not very much.. Others, alot. Come on people.. lets all just get along!

Lola lady- how'd T go???

omg really, i would freak so bad .you are so brave

IRONIC SPECULATION:

Everyone feels there is a core group and no one feels they are in it.

This really applies for me as well, critterlady. I find myself simply not responding if I'm uncertain whether or not my post will be construed as "supportive." Shoot, sometimes I think I am being VERY supportive and I STILL get people jumping down my throat.

I get it, the community is reminiscent of high school some days.

Non issue - logically , we are a free market society.

Speaking for myself, I try to post on as many that I can add to or crack a joke. I think that the board cycles and sometimes there are a bunch of new threads with new questions and areas to explore and sometimes everyone is just sad and missing/fighting with their T and about the 15th time you read how great "so and so"'s T is.... (not MKAC), you wanna eat a box of ice cream and curse the day you were born. It's an ebb and flow thing.

Dude , lets just get back to helping each other through laughter?

Sigh. I think this is the last I will say on it today. I have been trying to divorce my unease and feelings of inadequacy with my belief that the forum is changing and maybe not necessarily for the good. Perhaps I have not done as good of a job as I thought at being objective.

I think some of my points are valid. I just don't think we can insulate ourselves to the point of thinking our actions don't have an impact.

I need to go write a paper for class now.

Yeah, and where else could I post fifteen photos of different boots, and my weird feeling about suddenly liking shoes when I have never been all that interested, and discuss my feelings about my lack of "femininity" and get back not only a series of opinions about which boots I should get, and where I might be able to get them cheaper, but also reassurance that there is no one set definition of feminine? Boot advice, savings advice and therapeutic input all in one place. We ARE the Wal-Mart of the forum. LOL.