[refika]

One of the issues I have is that I can't verbalize what's in my head. So I write everything down, especially stuff I find very difficult to talk about.

A few sessions ago, I wrote a letter to my T that I shared with him. The session before last, I went in with a "list" of things I wanted to ask/go over with him.

We started to address some of the points on the list, but not all of them. When the session was over, T asked if he could have the list. I was shocked, but gave it to him, with much anxiety. When I saw him last session, the first question I asked is why he wanted what I wrote.

He said "well, I want to use it with my students and for teaching purposes". I'm a teacher, so he tried to relate it to how much I would be helping him and his students in his teaching. Then he asked me for ALL the stuff I wrote!!!

The funny thing is that from the very first session, I WANTED to give him everything I wrote, since I had a lot of journal entries about my issues and innermost thoughts. But I just wanted HIM to read it, not the whole world (or at least his students!) He assured me full confidentiality and said all names would be changed but is all I can keep thinking of.

To make matters worse, when I had my last session, I went in with another journal entry that I wanted to read, but we didn't have time. When I got up to leave, he asked if I would leave my notes with him (I type them up and print them since I have an injured hand and can't write). I told him that I wanted to keep my notes for next time so I could remember what I wanted to talk about. He said okay, but to make sure I bring them and give them to him...

I feel that he's real insistent on getting my notes and really wants them badly. I'm confused and torn about what to do...part of me feels like he's using "reverse psychology" to get me to stop writing, since that's something he mentioned we should work on. He feels like I hide behind my writing and it's holding me back and wants me to try to stop. The other part of me wants to believe him, that he will use my notes for teaching but for the life of me, I don't know HOW my writing can be educational for those pursing their degrees. A friend of mine said it's pretty cool that he thinks my writing is good enough to be useful for educational purposes, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to talk to him about this more when I see him Monday but once again YIKES!

[stopdog]

The one I see asked if she could use something I wrote for a class she teaches. But she asked me about it before she used it. And she told me what she was doing it for - the purpose for which it would be used in the class. And she gave me time to think about it.
I would be quite upset at a therapist demanding my notes and attempting to use them without asking me if he could do so.
And you do not have to give him your notes if you don't want to do so. He has no right to them.

[roads]

Is he a brand-new, "wet behind the ears" T ? If so, he may be not much up on protocol with his clients. I agree with stop dog, however ... he has no right to your property, which it what your writing is. If this is some sore of reverse-psychology ... Lousy technique.

No, sounds to me like the college prof freely taken his graduate students' work and calling it his own. I would have a hard time trusting this man. Unless I were already far along into to the recovery process with him, & felt we were a strong therapeutic team, I'd fire him and more on.

[refika]

He's not a brand new T, he's been practicing for many years. He did say that he would only use my stuff with my permission and acceptance, and was open for further discussion on this.

I'm just not sure if I want to discuss and consider it or if I want to flat out say no. That's where my confusion comes in.

[refika]

He's not a brand new T, he's been practicing for many years. He did say that he would only use my stuff with my permission and acceptance, and was open for further discussion on this.

I'm just not sure if I want to discuss and consider it or if I want to flat out say no. That's where my confusion comes in.

[likelife]

It seems like it would be helpful (necessary?) for him to shed some light on why/how he wants to use your writing. It does sound flattering, in a way, but the way he's communicating urgency around it does seem kind of weird.

Oh man, I would be SO angry if my T asked me for my stuff, intending to use it to teach. I would feel like he tricked me and was getting my writing under false pretenses. I would think it is completely obvious that I do not give him ANYTHING intending it to be used for teaching purposes. I only give him things to attempt to further my healing. Just tell him NO he cannot use them and you do not wish to discuss it further. HE is open to further discussion my a s s! Just tell him you do not wish to discuss it. Maybe I am too reactive, but I would never allow my T to even touch anything I wrote from that point forward.

[refika]

MKAC, that's kind of how I feel. Fortunately, the one thing I did give him was not extremely deep or personal, it was more a list of questions for him about our professional relationship, and some general concerns I had.

But I have a lot of things I wrote and addressed with him that ARE deep and very personal. That's why I'm unsure about what to do, but definitely leaning towards saying no.

[Big Mama]

What does he teach. English or psychology, or something else. If it is english not to put your writing down but I doubt it is being used as a teaching tool. Psychology, well maybe, your words could say what it is hard for others to explain, Math he's crazy, science again crazy. Do you know what he teaches?

[Perna]

I had a T use my poetry. I don't really mind if something happens with my stuff away from me and I'm not there. I'm a bit flattered that it might be helpful to someone else and know they aren't going to know me, it's not like my name and all about me will be discussed (though about me was discussed with the poetry).

It took me a long while (6-7 years) to stop the writing instead of real time conversation. I stopped myself, giving it a try for a specific period of time, experimenting with what it felt like and how hard it was and whether it helped me or not, etc. It did make things more immediate and precious; I could only talk to T when I was there in session and I wanted to talk to her so I learned/taught myself how.

[Nightlight]

I write a lot and it's hard enough to share with one person. It's quite private and so I don't think I'd be okay with that. I imagine that I'd say I'd thought about it and decided against it (and can we stop focusing on how this might benefit your students and go back to focusing on how it benefits me). It would be one thing if it was a tiny section of writing that I really thought was okay to share, but I wouldn't just hand over all of my writing like that.

Although I wrote out my story once and included the progress I'd made with T's help and she wanted to share my story with a specific group. I was actually okay about that. I think it was the first thing I wrote for T and it was to really clearly explained the difficulty I'd experienced in my life and the changes I'd made with T's help (that I thought she was missing). What I write now is so private and goes beyond that surface stuff. T can show her supervisor, I have no issues with that (although I think T always asks if she wants to show her supervisor something specific), but beyond that, no...I wouldn't be okay with it and I'd want the subject to be left alone.

[refika]

I'm not sure what he teaches, that was one of the questions I had for T, how he would use my stuff for teaching, and what classes/subject it would be for.

Perna, how did you teach yourself to go without writing and have real-time conversations? That's something I would love to do since I feel I have better sessions when I don't depend on what I wrote, but speak from my thoughts, but I can't seem to remember things when I walk through the door.

[Nightlight]

I also transitioned from writing everything down to talking about most things and only writing the very, very hard things down. For me it was absolutely the writing itself which helped me learn to say things and not depend on the writing itself, but it took a while! First the writing helped me access the feelings rather than talking about my difficulties from a great distance. Then it helped me to discuss aspects of the difficult stuff, and risk being brave and saying a little and having a strong sense of knowing that T would be okay with whatever I needed to say. I think it helped me to be more aware of the thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud too. I used to brush them aside and then I'd panic in between sessions and write them all down. Now I notice them and I risk saying them at the time. I think it's all been about taking risks. Like saying what the writing topic is about, even if I couldn't go into any details. Then slowly saying a detail or two about why I wrote and also what I wrote, before handing my writing over.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by refika

When the session was over, T asked if he could have the list. I was shocked, but gave it to him, with much anxiety. When I saw him last session, the first question I asked is why he wanted what I wrote.

He said "well, I want to use it with my students and for teaching purposes".

This REALLY bothered me. That he asked for your list without telling you why and then at the next session he only told you why when you asked. It sounds like he planned to use your material without even telling you!!! Honestly, it made my ethics radar alarms go off immediately. If he wanted to use your writings, he should have asked you if it was okay BEFORE he asked if he could have the list.

Originally Posted by refika

He said okay, but to make sure I bring them and give them to him...

He sure sounds pushy about this, like he is ordering you to do this.

Originally Posted by refika

He did say that he would only use my stuff with my permission and acceptance

Then why didn't he ask you for permission before he took your list? It all sounds very strange to me, like he was trying to use your stuff without really telling you.

I would be very put off by his behavior. If I did decide to let him use something I had written, I would make it just one small thing. He can teach without umpteen writings from you.

FWIW, my T has used something I wrote for a conference. It was not about therapy, but it was relevant to a common concern of ours. And I shared it with him in therapy. He told me about the conference and how what I had written would be so useful in a presentation he was giving, and [key point] he said this all BEFORE taking what I wrote. He asked my permission and I gave it, and he was very grateful and humble. Later I heard that his use of the material had been very successful, and I was pleased by this. It just sounds so different from how your T has behaved.

[roads]

I'd ask for anything of yours he has back, and make it clear that you're confused about his use of your personal journaling. Tell him you need to focus on your issues now, and that you don't want to have him using you as a classroom example ... he ought to understand
roadie

[Big Mama]

I write alot to. I can't bring myself to say some of the things that have gone on w/ me. I have just recently began to be able to write them. I told the T it was extremely difficult to write cretin words she said to write the hard pasts small. The harder and more difficult the lighter the pencil marks or the smaller the letters. I can't recall very well once I walk in here office. I also have a difficult time when something she says sticks out and I want to let her finish her sentence of story. Now I keep a note pad and write down what it is that I wanted to say or come back to. If I don't have to try so hard to hold that thought I can pay more attention to what she is saying. I have PTSD and the trauma's have apparently affected my short term memory and my recall skills. The dissociation doesn't help either. So writing keeps me focused.

[shlump]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I'd ask for anything of yours he has back, and make it clear that you're confused about his use of your personal journaling. Tell him you need to focus on your issues now, and that you don't want to have him using you as a classroom example ... he ought to understand
roadie

My T doesn't teach anywhere as far as I know so this would never be an issue, but I agree with Roadie. Take it all back.

[wotchermuggle]

What do YOU want to do? If you don't feel comfortable, then just tell him that you're flattered he thinks what you write could be helpful to others, but that you don't feel comfortable with it right now.

As long as your identity isn't reveled , I think I would be honored that something I wrote could be used to teach and help others. My T has told me he will be using some of my similes for the rest of his career. I'm cool with it!

[stopdog]

It might could have an honor sort of idea - except I would not be "honored" if the therapist I see had handled like the description from the OP. I would be very pissed. And I would say no and refuse discussion.

Ultimately its still the OP's choice, that I agree with.

[Victoria'smom]

T asked me if I wanted all my stuff shredded after she reads it or if I want it back. I told her once it's put into her folder, I mean it. She can use it for whatever she wants. That's how I view anything I give someone.

I would never do this.
The idea of a therapist using my pain to help someone other than me bothers me.

[mixedup_emotions]

Although I'd be flattered that T found value in the writing, I would be really bothered by the idea that his eagerness to get a hold of your writings is about his gain and the gain of others - rather than being about YOUR therapy.

I may even go as far as asking for a discount on therapy cost if it's so valuable to him.

[Anne2.0]

My first T asked me if he could use excerpts from my journals in a book he was writing, and did in fact publish.

I said I was okay with it, but before the book went out to the publisher, I wanted to read the parts where my journal was referenced. Of course he agreed to this.

By the time the book was ready for publication, I was no longer in therapy with him, and was in T with someone else. I took the book into a session with her and we went over it. This was about 20 years ago, and I still remember it really well.

My experience of reading my words interspersed with some of the theoretical points he was making about healing was an incredible one for me. It was so intellectually and emotionally affirming of me as a person, because it reinforced how well he had been listening to me and how much progress I really had made. It was clear that he understood who I really was, the things that were important to me, how and why I held onto things to survive and what I needed to make healthier choices. It helped make so much sense out of a therapeutic process that was never that clear to me, and it helped normalize my feelings, my experience, my history. I didn't sound like a character who was loooney tunes crazy who frittered her time away in therapy, I sounded like someone who had been through a lot who had managed to find meaning and joy in life.

And knowing that maybe my story might have helped other T's help their clients (it was written for professionals, not survivors) or maybe just understand something better, that was a bonus too. For many years, I had his book on my shelves. I looked at it from time to time to remember that I was not an idiot or a lunatic. Earlier this year I decided I didn't need to hold onto it anymore, because the experience that it represents is still within me.

I don't know, from where I sit I think it's an opportunity for you. You could benefit from seeing how your words are used-- I would ask him to show you how exactly he would use it. I do think you need to talk to him more before you decide. I don't think it matters whether it would be helpful to him or not, you and your feelings are what counts.