new T

I'm getting worse instead of better, so I made an appointment with a new T on Wednesday

I called him and he asked when I was available for appointments and I froze up. I couldn't even answer THAT. I finally managed to say something about my schedule and we were able to easily find a time that worked.

We talked about insurance for a moment and he told me the session cost (I didn't even think to ask).

We didn't talk about why i was coming or anything, which is probably normal, I guess. It was like a 2 minute conversation.

I'm terrified that I will go for my first appointment and cry the whole time (it will be a miracle if i DON'T do that actually) and that I will seem like such a mess and I'll tell him (in the broadest terms) of my trauma history and tell him what just happened with T and he won't want to take me on as a client and I'll be abandoned AGAIN.

I don't know if I can go through with it. I'm so scared.

AND I called Old T ( ) today, and left the most pathetic, sobbing message. I doubt he will call back, even though I asked him to. There's really no way he can help.

I'm sure there is a way out of this mess. I hope.

I really think a new T can offer you a fresh start and new perspective. I don't know the entire story with old T but it seems like the focus on YOU was lost along the way. Best of luck at the first appt. I know it's scary but you deserve to heal.

It will be okay. Can you focus on how you feel about him rather than him about you? It does sound different from the phone calls I have had with prospective new therapists. I did tell them on the phone why I was coming because I did not want to waste my time if they were completely unsuitable. It might help to remember that this new guy is not the only other therapist out there and if it does not work with him, there are others. I think it is brave you called a new one.

Nightsky , just be open and honest about what went wrong with xT and remember you don't have to divulge everything in the first meeting... just talk about the most pressing issue.

Remember, you are interviewing this guy to see if you want to work with him. Odds are good that if it feels like a good fit to you, it will feel like a good fit to him.

There IS a way out of this mess. Keep looking until you find a T that can help you.

i think it's great that you're going to see a new therapist. the only thing i really wanted to say is that maybe it'd be better if you saw a female. for me, i think that'd be one of the only things that would keep me from totally comparing the old and new therapist the whole time. like it would have to be someone drastically different.

but that's just me. i hope it works out for you on wednesday, and you get at least a tiny bit of what you need.

I have peronally had the same conversation with prospective new Ts...some want more info, some want less. I also thought I would cry my eyes out seeing the new person and I was so focused on answering his questions and trying to get across my issues, I didn't.
So congrats on taking the first step, that's very brave of you...I always find calling at first the hardest part and then the rest anxiety provoking, but I think you can make your way through it and figure out what is best for you...although you sound hurt, you also sound determined and ready to express youself and get the help you deserve.
Story...the T I have now, his listed number is his cell number, that's the ONLY number he has, no office number (but I had no idea it was his cell I was calling). When I called first, I had just been terminated out of nowhere (although terminating T had recommended a few people, and the T I was calling was one of them) and new T ANSWERED. I was completely shocked into almost dead silence as I was barely ready to leave a message. Happily he just wanted my insurance info., and we set up a time, although I could still barely speak...if he wanted anything else I would have told him I couldn't do it right then, ACK. I mean, no T answers there phone!?! I have been seeing him since Oct. 2010 and he hasn't answered it since.
Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope the new T session goes well for you...and others are correct, you ARE interviewing him, so if you want to know things like what kind of therapy he does, etc., be sure to ask.

My first phone contact with therapists have been pretty similar.

Good luck to you with the new guy. It's OK if you cry at the first meeting. It just shows the therapist that you're hurting and need help.

Go.

Cry.

It'll be OK. Therapists do see people cry sometimes.

I am praying this will be a good fit for you.

i thought of this too...

I went from a male T to another male. I did run comparisons a lot, but that eventually waned with time. It was actually kind of cool when I'd find something that new T did BETTER.

Hi Nightsky,
First, congratulations on reaching out to a new t! That's a really big step considering all you've been through.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way that this guy is sensitive and understanding, and once he hears how your relationship with your previous t ended, will realize and convey to you that just making this appointment is something to be proud of. Him not feeling he can take you on, and being afraid of being abandoned again must feel so overwhelming. Unfortunately, it is possible due to the fact that many ts evenones that say they specialize in trauma, really aren't prepared to deal with the reality of working with someone with a trauma history and the sensitivity and relational work this requires on the part of the t. Also, I could be wrong but I thought I remember you saying something about having DID, or being on that spectrum, and I know this is also something unfortunately profesionals can shy away from this. I guess though, any t can decide not to take a client on, just like any client can decide a t isn't a good fit for them. I know how especially hurtful this would be though given your situation.
If it does happen that he feels he isn't the right one, I would hope he could give you a referral or two.
Lastly, I'm curious. Have you ever worked with a female t? Would this be something you'd be interested in? I guess I just come from the bias of always working with female ts, and never being able to imagine having a male.
Please keep us posted on all this and again, great work so far!

I try to switch male and female Ts and pdocs every time I switch, more or less. Just to keep myself honest, so I don't discriminate against one or the other. Because I have reasons to hate everybody. I need a robot T ideally!!

Good for you for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear that things are not getting better as quickly as you like. They will though.

One foot in front of the other.

Go see this new therapist. All you have to do is tell him you've been through both past and very recent trauma. If what you've been through recently isnt' a trauma, then I don't know what is.

It's okay to cry - a lot.

You are hurting. Honor that. It's grief and sorrow and shock. It is very important right now to take care of yourself.

You don't have to be perfect, you don't even have to function at a high level, you just have to keep going.

You will. You will keep going. This is a blow, but it is a survivable one. Absolutely.

You are doing all the right things. It's okay. You are okay.

Nightsky, it's new and triggery and scary, but you will be okay

I cried for about 9 months, I think. T told me "It's okay. You need this. You might need to do this for a long time."

Crying is okay

I was worried that if I went to another T for help with the problems with my current T, that I'd just sit there crying..a lot. I never usually let anyone see me like that and so it's hard to think of being that distressed in front of someone new.

You've been through so much though. Just be yourself and be honest and if they are the right T for you then they'll stick around.

Sending you biggggg hugs. You are doing the healthy thing by looking for outside help. I wish I could box up my T and send him to you. You sooooo deserve to be happy and whole.

It's very courageous to reach out to a new T. You really deserve to heal. Sending you warm thoughts.