Loordy, Lourdy the COUCH is 40....

On my 15th game of spider solitaire

Thanks Lola and RTS. I'm not known for excellent communication skills

I can never play spider solitaire always seems to take too much concentration.

keeps me from thinking to much...shuts down the racing thoughts

I play spider solitaire for those reasons too... at work when I am completely stuck or when I can't fall asleep...

Feeling bad about drivivng off last night and leaving my youngest daughter crying at her dad's place. I felt so bad and confused I couldn't even ring to say sorry and I love her. I hope I don't leave her with abandonment issues.

I need to turn off Celebrity Wife Swap and do some cleaning....

Is Celebrity Wife Swap what I think it is? A quasi-reality program where 2 celebrities swap wives? WHY????

They call this entertainment?

guess i'm out of here for the night . have a good one peeps

Adios...

Adios Cisco!

G'nite Ready and Granite. I am not far behind you.

The swapped Kate Gosslin and some other celebrity. They basically take care of each other houses and take care of the kids. It's so fake. I don't know why I get sucked into this garbage. Although Kate's clean house did get me into a cleaning mood. Bedroom is decluttered. Bathroom is cleaned.

I don't think anything could get me in the cleaning mood. Not even those programs about hoarders. But I am a minimilist.

Hoarders does it for me every time... but often I cannot watch that show because some episodes involve animals... completely sets me off.

I really like Steve Earle, if you couldn't tell. This one is for Pete Seeger.

I started to watch one of the animal ones and could only watch the first few minutes. It upset me too much.

Golly! She could have married money instead of working her fingers to the bone in the brute labour of psychotherapy. I wonder why she didn't? (Pointless speculation.)

You gals are a scream!

You want a paternal female? And yet, why not...

Ouch! I've had that conversation - or maybe I haven't had courage to.

Me neither. Therapists seem to have some kind of limitter on their hearts that tells them, "Love the patient this far and no further." And for me, that's not enough.

She hasn't worked her fingers to the bone just doing psychotherapy. Every so often, she comes up with an off the wall job she used to have.

Last session, it was, "When I worked for the city..." I said, "Damn, have you worked everywhere? She said, "Well, I've been in this town for 30+ years. You can have a a lot of jobs in 30 years." I said, "I've lived here 30+ years, and I've only had three jobs."

So far, she's had two jobs with the county (tax office and DSS), one with the city, and at least two as a paralegal. If you average that, she should be about to change jobs again.

I should ask her to come work for me.

I've never been a parent, but I've raised 4 dogs and 2 birds. I also have 12 clients I've been "parenting" for 13 years. I can call you whatever you want and I make cards. However, I'm not over 40 and I can't knit.

Never quite thought of myself as paternal either.

That's exactly how it's been feeling to me at the moment.

It gave me a chance to talk about some of the hurt, if nothing else. I went over how sad I was about her "if we were in a lifeboat together and a wave hit, I wouldn't be thinking of you" comment. I talked about how it (along with everything else) was just TOO much. I said how much it hurt when I tried to bring it up again and she just tried to rationalise what she'd said. She'd gone on about how our higher selves wouldn't behave in the the way we'd like to think in those situations and she talked about coping mechanisms.

Yesterday I went over how all I wanted was for her to hear how much it hurt. I told her how she hadn't stopped to listen to what I was trying to say. I said it hurt when she scoffed when I said I'd be thinking of her. "You'd like to think you would" she'd said. Ouch.

So I was going back over everything again, but she did at least listen, finally. I gave the example, if there was a big earthquake right now, is that seriously what you'd be doing. You wouldn't stop to think of me for a second? She didn't answer (perhaps she really wouldn't stop to think of me). I said she'd stop to think about people she loved in that sort of situation, in the way that I'd think about her.

That's probably the most direct I've been out loud about my feelings.

Awhile back, several of my friends were really into the notion of chosen family over family of origin. And their fantasy of chosen family was that there would be no conflict ever, that basic bits of human nature would, by virtue of choice, disappear and all would be a shining feminist utopia of equality and love and met desires. And it did not happen that way. There was still misunderstanding, insensitivity, selfishness, hurt feelings etc along with caring, gentleness, sensitivity and love. Some left because of the disillusionment and some stayed and learned to make it work and became happier.
Some of the posts/threads on this forum lead me to think about this again.