I sent t1 an email after I seen her shopping last month. It was weird and awkward as it was the first time I have seen her since our last session where I admitted having very strong feelings for her and she terminated me.
She did smile when I seen her and I smiled back.
So I sent her an email apologising for everything, as I have reflected back over our relationship and time together I can admit I am to blame for my termination. I was a nightmare : attached, obsessed, in love, neurotic, panicky, needy. I must have drove her mad.
I sent her a long email apologising for my behaviour and shesent me a very short email saying thank you for the email and she was glad I can now take back my life and start to live again and wished me all the best for the future. It made me really sad because I wanted her to say, lets try this again now that you have realised what therapy is

[precious things]

It sounds like you have made a lot of progress in terms of your awareness...and that is really lovely that she responded. This actually sounds like the best resolution one could hope for, under the circumstances. It may be hard to hear, but you are probably better off moving ahead without T1- but you can take with you knowing she does care and you are still growing.

Button, I know that's not what you wanted to hear but I agree it is probably for the best. I thought you were seeing a new new T?

Originally Posted by precious things

It sounds like you have made a lot of progress in terms of your awareness...and that is really lovely that she responded. This actually sounds like the best resolution one could hope for, under the circumstances. It may be hard to hear, but you are probably better off moving ahead without T1- but you can take with you knowing she does care and you are still growing.

I never thought of it like that Precious things, so thank you for making me aware. She must care because I honestly did not expect a response but I just wanted to tell her I was sorry for everything.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Button, I know that's not what you wanted to hear but I agree it is probably for the best. I thought you were seeing a new new T?

I am but she is going to be out for a long time because she is not well, hence why I am still seeing my T2, t1s supervisor.

Originally Posted by button30

It made me really sad because I wanted her to say, lets try this again now that you have realised what therapy is

Awww I get this. Whenever I communicate with my old T, there is this little part of me that hopes he'll say "i'm sorry I made such a big mistake, come back"...but it's not going to happen, and it wouldn't even be healthy for me if it did.

It's hard not to have that wish though, huh?
to you.

Originally Posted by nightsky2

Awww I get this. Whenever I communicate with my old T, there is this little part of me that hopes he'll say "i'm sorry I made such a big mistake, come back"...but it's not going to happen, and it wouldn't even be healthy for me if it did.

It's hard not to have that wish though, huh?
to you.

Its never going to happen ands thats what kills me...I miss her so much.
Sorry you feel the same about your ex t too Nightsky, it sucks.
I just wish I hadn't told her I loved her because she ran to the hills lol

Originally Posted by button30

I just wish I hadn't told her I loved her because she ran to the hills lol

I am sorry this happened to you...I thought Ts were TRAINED to deal with this kind of thing (in fact, I have been told they have been) and not "run for the hills." Therapy should be a safe place to say whatever you are feeling. I KNOW she is not the first and only T to be told that, and I wish she would have been able to work through your feelings with you. Sending hugs and so sorry for your pain...

[Syra]

I totally understand wishing she had said "Come back and let's try again." I'm struggling here because I really want to support you. I know how hard it is. And I don't want to say, yea, same thing happened to me, and guess what her response was; it's even worse. Having said that helps me get back to you.

I understand it how it feels good that she acknowledged you, and responded to you. I wished that for a long time. I wonder if it it feels bad because the rest of her is distancing again - at the same time she responds. It seems kind of a confusing to me? Although it does seem it could be better than no response at all? Is it?

BTW, I don't think it's the client's job NOT to be attached, obsessed, in love, neurotic, panicky, needy. I realize that can happen, and it's good to recognize what were are doing. But that's what therapists are for and it happens all the time. NOthing you have said sounds really strange or unusual. Is there something more?

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

I am sorry this happened to you...I thought Ts were TRAINED to deal with this kind of thing (in fact, I have been told they have been) and not "run for the hills." Therapy should be a safe place to say whatever you are feeling. I KNOW she is not the first and only T to be told that, and I wish she would have been able to work through your feelings with you. Sending hugs and so sorry for your pain...

It wasn't very safe with her, I mean I loved her sooo much BUT she was never very nice to me. It always felt like she was afraid of something. When I needed her she would distance herself, I know its called self care but she really wasn't there when I needed her, I told her how I was severely sui towards the end and she terminated me next session. Thanks for the understanding tractionbeam. I blame myself for all of this but deep down I know that she should have been able to handle this and not run from it.

Originally Posted by Syra

I totally understand wishing she had said "Come back and let's try again." I'm struggling here because I really want to support you. I know how hard it is. And I don't want to say, yea, same thing happened to me, and guess what her response was; it's even worse. Having said that helps me get back to you.

I understand it how it feels good that she acknowledged you, and responded to you. I wished that for a long time. I wonder if it it feels bad because the rest of her is distancing again - at the same time she responds. It seems kind of a confusing to me? Although it does seem it could be better than no response at all? Is it?

BTW, I don't think it's the client's job NOT to be attached, obsessed, in love, neurotic, panicky, needy. I realize that can happen, and it's good to recognize what were are doing. But that's what therapists are for and it happens all the time. NOthing you have said sounds really strange or unusual. Is there something more?

No, there is nothing more. The feelings were really intense though and maybe she was scared and I know at the start she really cared. She always did that- send me mixed signals, one minute she would text and the next minute she would be giving out to me for replying or texting her.
Towards the end, she would not answer my calls or texts and I didn't send her many, mostly only replies for schedule changes and once I was having an emergency and nothing, she never replied , she was always distancing and sending mixed messages and I thought I was going crazy with her.

[belledisastre]

Honestly, I think it's best that you move on from her and to a new T that hopefully treats you really well and responds during emergencies, etc. Especially if she didn't reply to you when you were sui or having an emergency...you need someone that can help you through these times, not just ignore you. This isn't your fault at all. If I had a T that ignored me in my time of need (and I've had Ts like that), I'd get rid of them straight away. So perhaps it's best for you that you're not seeing her anymore.

Originally Posted by belledisastre

Honestly, I think it's best that you move on from her and to a new T that hopefully treats you really well and responds during emergencies, etc. Especially if she didn't reply to you when you were sui or having an emergency...you need someone that can help you through these times, not just ignore you. This isn't your fault at all. If I had a T that ignored me in my time of need (and I've had Ts like that), I'd get rid of them straight away. So perhaps it's best for you that you're not seeing her anymore.

I had been blaming myself all along and had come to accept it was my fault she terminated me but now I am starting to think there was more going on with her than with me.

[WePow]

Be sure to bring all this up with your new T. Sending big hugs!

[Syra]

Originally Posted by button30

Towards the end, she would not answer my calls or texts and I didn't send her many, mostly only replies for schedule changes and once I was having an emergency and nothing, she never replied , she was always distancing and sending mixed messages and I thought I was going crazy with her.

Its sounds like you got really mixed messages from her. I think that tends to make people cling more, and is a crazy-maker. Kids who are abused often cling harder to their parents than kids who are free to be angry with their parents. I can understand how you would feel like you were going crazy, not knowing who she would be and hoping she would be the responsive one and then sometimes being disappointed. It's taken me a while to get past my former T who was responsive one minute and distancing the next. But it's doable. It doesn't hurt forever although I imagine I might always have sadness related to it.